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MO's Leg (Part 3)

More from the invalid...

So.... here I am, with a set of crutches to help me get around. I never enjoyed visiting hospitals and it seems this opinion was never going to change. The only thing I enjoyed was the dr telling me that I would have at least 4 weeks off work.

This I thought would be great but after spending a week indoors with very little entertainment, the cracks are beginning to show. I suppose I knew this when I started watching Judge Judy re-runs.

Getting the sympathy card seemed tricky too; I had to play it very cool but still get maximum sympathy- seems my friends know most of my tricks. My goal for this week is to get my washing, vacuuming, change of bedding and a trip to the pub all done by some unsuspecting acquaintance of mine.

So ... to sum up, facebook, twitter and Whitney Houston has been a Godsend!

All I can say is "CRAFT B*ST*RD!!!"

MO's Leg (Part 2)

Actually this isn't really "part 2" more a re-visitation to "part 1" but from MO's perspective... so in his own words read on!...

On saturday, the 22nd of January,I was taken to hospital by ambulance with a suspected ruptured archilees tendon. My journey to hospital went smoothly until i got to the Mayday Hospital in Croydon.

On my arrival ( i was in a wheelchair ) , the nurse blurted out to the ambulance guy, " Can't he walk ? " The ambulance replied that i could not walk. The nurse then retorted, " not even for a bit ? We don't have any place to put that wheelchair ?" at this moment, i felt like getting up and leaving the hospital, of course this was impossible.

I was then wheeled into the waiting area where I was told that I would have a 3 hour wait to be seen. An hour into my wait, I managed to get one of the workers to wheel me into the disabled toilet, as I needed to go desperately. To my horror, the worker disappearred. It took me at least 5 minutes to manage to get someone's attention so as to wheel me back to the waiting area.

After 4 hours I was told that I would need a X-ray . I was asked if I had anyone with me as the hospital didn't have any porters to wheel me to the X-ray department. I never felt so alone and vunerable as I did then. The last time I had eaten was at least 8 hours ago, i had not been offered even a drink, I was freezing as I was wearing a shorts. All I could do was pray that this ordeal would end soon .

Eventually a porter was found and I was wheeled to the X-ray department. After that, things moved a lot quicker, the dr confirmed that it was indeed a ruptured archilees, and that I would be spending lots of time resting to get it healed.

TS,NH and her husband The Hammond came along to collect me. Even though i was still in pain, had a very bruised ego, I got very little ( if any ) sympathy from my friends- seems it was not serious enough to warrant it !
Thanks for that MO... now as you have a lot of time on your hands can you hurry up and write the next instalment - and with a few less spelling mistakes!

The Dark Tower

I started reading The Dark Tower series sometime back and have so far completed four of the books in the seven volume series. Now I read that Stephen King's epic tale is going to be turned into three films and two TV series.

To be honest I'm not too sure about this. Like The Lord of The Rings it is an ambitious project but unlike LoTR it is a trifle weird in places and I am not convinced people are going to like it. A "weird" western is a great idea with portals that can transport you to different ages in our world... but psycho mono-rail trains called Blaine and references to other King novels maybe too much for people to absorb.

It is an entertaining read but it is also bloody slow and could easily be slimmed down. Hmmm... maybe I'll reserve judgement until it is released.

One last thing with regards to casting - definitely Viggo Mortensen as Roland Deschain... The Gunslinger.

Gives you the creeps...

F*ck me look at the state of that... jeezus... the kid will have nightmares with that ugly mug looming over him.

Rant over.

MO's Leg (Part 1)

After spending the second half of last Saturday driving down to Croydon to retrieve a friend of ours after he successfully managed to rupture the Achilles tendon in his right leg I have decided to record and occasionally publish an ongoing series about his rehabilitation.

Now let me just say MO was warned by my wife N not to go and play a racquetthon (table tennis, squash, badminton and tennis) after he had previously injured his other leg... but did he listen? No he didn't. So it was about 3pm when we received a phone call from a stricken MO informing us he was on his way to the casualty department at the hospital in Croydon. With his car parked at the sport centre we decided to pick up another friend of ours, TS who would then drive MO's car to the hospital to pick the invalid up.

Miraculously everything went to plan and we timed things just about right as shortly after we arrived we were helping Hop-a-long Cassidy to the car... with his leg encased in plaster.

So with at least 3 weeks off work will he go stir crazy? Will he survive without going to the pub?? Will he drive us up the wall with his constant status updates on Facebook and Twitter??? We will see...

To be continued...

Aviva sponsors...

Have you noticed those mini Aviva adverts where the bloke is in a lift, the doors open and he gets savaged by a lion... or the one where the dog lowers the jack so as the car crushes the bloke underneath it. What sick b*st*rd thought those up?

Rant over.

Songs of Praise

The UK is something like the second most un-religious country in Europe (behind The Netherlands) and at the same time we seem to be a country of people desperate to get their faces on the telly... so I reckon that's what Songs of Praise is all about. As soon as people get a whiff the cameras are going be rollin' at a particular church they all make a bee-line down there. Sad.

Rant over.

The Redknapps

Washed up footballer... and wasn't she a singer? How the f*ck do this vomit inducing couple manage to blag themselves so many advertising deals. I seem to remember they were advertising Nintendo Wii's a while back along with his crooked old man. Now they're seen jetting off on holiday advertising Thomas Cook. Why them? Laughing all the way to the bank even though they've done f*ck all for years. I want free holidays. I want to be given shedloads of cash. Not fair.

Rant over.

Dinner Date

One of those pointless inane programmes that proliferate on TV is Dinner Date. Three people prepare a three course meal for someone of the opposite sex. You can guess the rest. Anyway what always happens at the end is the programme makers say: "A month later Tracy and Claire are still single... Mary and Fred are each seeing someone else". Every bloody time. I reckon they only go on it to get a free dinner!

Rant over.

Adrian Chiles: I'm repellent on TV

Adrian Chiles says he was so ashamed of Daybreak when it started he couldn't bring himself to watch it. He's also stated he finds the sight of himself on TV "repellent". The 43-year-old cannot bear to watch himself or the show and had to rely on co-host Christine Bleakley, 31, to force him to watch it.

"I still don't like to look at myself in the monitor. I literally can't bear the sight of myself. I find it just repellent. -- AOL website

Couldn't agree more! Twat.

Rant over.

Pain In The Arse Operations No. 2 - Hoovering

This is scraping the barrel ranting... truly it is. But I have to say it. One of the most tedious chores to do around the house is the hoovering. AND one of the most annoying things that happens when doing said hoovering (it happens to me anyway) is when you prop the hose and nozzle thingy against the wall / armchair / sofa when you want to shake a rug or whatever and no matter how secure you prop it... the soddin' thing always, always, ALWAYS... falls down. Drives me up the wall.

Rant over.

Pain In The Arse Operations No. 1 - Putting on a Duvet Cover

I tell you what I find is a right royal pain in the arse task... putting on a duvet cover - especially one for a king size bed! I find the best technique is to push one corner in and then the other however this usually isn't as simple as it sounds. Invariably it rucks up and you keep having to move from one side of the bed to the other, tripping over the excess duvet which is lying on the floor in the process... steadily losing your temper. If you manage to eventually do it you inevitably discover that it has gone lumpy down one end... and you spend the next half hour trying to shake it out. Of course trying to put on pillow covers is another issue...

Rant over.