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Wimbledon 2010: Centre Court (Part 2)

Showing our tickets we quickly made our way up several flights of stairs to find our seats. As we walked past several doors that were labelled with the names of international TV stations... it crossed my mind whether the doors were actually locked and whether it would be possible for me to burst in and disturb the Belgian equivalent to Sue Barker in mid-transmission. I didn't do it though!

N and I sat together and MO had to sit in the neighbouring section. Of course there had to be the obligatory beanpole git sitting in front of us and the w*nker's head managed to obliterate my view of the nearest player unless I leaned to one side.

First off was the brutish Serena Williams who smashed her way through some diminutive Eastern European called Dominika Somethingorotherova. I must say it was very noticeable the difference in calibre of these top players when compared with the no-names we had seen during previous years. After the bloodbath had concluded we stood up to stretch our legs to have a bite to eat.

It was whilst we were walking to the eating area it hit me how class ridden Wimbledon is. As we fought our way through the throng of peasants at ground level I looked up to see the rich b*stards who were sitting aloft in the exclusive restaurants above us. Suddenly you would hear "Oh look it's Josh Lewsey! Give us a wave!!" And of course the said non-entity would deign to smile at us scum symbolically beneath him. I couldn't help but notice the perma-tanned middle-aged gits in beige jackets with not a hair out of place accompanied by 20 year old bimbos in ultra short dresses who had undoubtedly arrived in their BMW X5s. I could go on...

Miraculously we found a table (in the plebs area) and N got out a bottle of wine and some (M&S) strawberries she had stowed away in our bags which we consumed with gusto. Unknown to us a certain Spanish tennis star had started his match already so we quickly made our way back to our seats.

To be continued...

Wimbledon 2010: Centre Court (Part 1)

Last year we never even got in... This year we not only got in - we managed to buy tickets for Centre Court. Let me rewind a tad though...

Again it was a case of rolling out of bed at 5:30am, which for a Saturday morning is pretty depressing. After being moaned at for taking too long in the bathroom - N and I headed off in the car to meet up with MO in Harrow.

I had suggested we travel to Wimbledon not by our usual longwinded route but via Harrow Wealdstone to West Brompton. Miraculously we managed it... mainly due to the fact that the train was running late!

So it was in less than hour that we found ourselves joining the queue (No. 8417 was my queue card number) and settling down for a long wait. Two ham rolls, two packets of crisps, three cans of Carlsberg, a hot cross bun and one bacon roll later and we were edging towards the entrance.

The x-ray security at Wimbledon seems to be more intense than what you get at an airport. Every single person has their bag searched. Why exactly they bother escapes me. The fact that you could walk along the pavement that runs parallel to the perimeter fence, lob a grenade (if you were so inclined and had one) over the top and blow god knows how many people to kingdom come without having to face any security renders the whole thing pointless. And as for the monkeys they employ to do the bag checking...!

Now this was the pivotal moment. N and I went to one ticket booth together. MO went to another. But it was only at MO's booth that he was offered the chance to purchase Centre Court tickets (at £65 each). The stupid thing is that they don't accept card payments, instead we had to quickly find an ATM within the grounds, draw out a ton of cash and then run back to buy the tickets. But we managed to do it!

To be continued...

Sad b*stards

"A man who flew from Dubai and queued on a London street for 32 hours to be the first in line to buy the new iPhone 4 had his efforts dashed when Apple allowed internet pre-order customers ahead of him.
Alex Lee, 27, who headed a 500-strong queue outside the Regent Street store on Thursday morning, said he would write to Apple chief executive Steve Jobs.
Asked why he was not first to enter the store, Mr Lee said: "I don't have an answer because I've been queuing here for a lot longer than everybody else."
He added: "I can't do anything about it. If you don't like what you've seen, is a quick way of getting hold of somebody up in management."
Instead, the first person to buy the new iPhone 4 was 23-year-old graduate Ben Paton, from Stoke-on-Trent, who had queued for 16 hours.
Mr Paton said he felt embarrassed and even asked Apple staff if he could wait his turn.
But with the new handset in his hands, and Apple staff whooping and cheering as he descended the shop's glass steps, he described the feeling as "absolutely incredible, amazing. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity. I'd love to do it again".
If Mr Lee had registered on Apple's Reserve and Pick Up website, he would have avoided the disappointment. But despite missing the chance to be first, the dedicated Apple fan insisted his marathon wait was worthwhile.
He said: "It's so thin, maybe five or six credit cards thick - it's amazing. Absolutely worth it, every second of it." -- AOL website.
You would have to be a complete d*ckhead to travel all the way from Dubai just to queue up for hours on end to buy a f*cking phone. Aren't you embarrassed arseh*le?
Also I like the bit where the f*ckwit graduate says how he felt on getting his hands on an iPhone 4: "absolutely incredible, amazing. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity" GET A LIFE YOU TW*T!!!
Rant over.


I last saw Sam Rockwell in Iron Man 2 where he played the pathetic Tony Stark wannabe Justin Hammer. In the low budget Moon, Rockwell plays the lead characters and literally carries the entire film... brilliantly. I can't really say a lot about the plot without giving things away but it is superb! The look of the film is very reminiscent of 2001: A Space Odyssey and Silent Running. Kevin Spacey is the voice of Gerty the film's equivalent to HAL... although he is not quite as malevolent. It is a very small scale film and considering it only cost a fraction to make compared to Avatar... I thought it was considerably superior.
Get the DVD!
Rating: 8.5/10

Nominating someone for an honour

The following extracts are taken from

The honours system recognises people of outstanding merit, and those who have committed themselves to service to the nation.

Who can be nominated?

Anyone can be nominated, but only exceptional people are honoured. If you want to see your candidate on the honours list, make sure your nomination has what it takes to make it all the way to Buckingham Palace. Achievement comes in many forms but honours committees are looking for someone who has made a difference in their field of work or community.

Honours can be awarded for all sorts of work - paid or unpaid - but your nominee must still be involved in the activity for which they are nominated.
Before you make your nomination, ask yourself the following questions. Has your nominee:

made a difference to their community or field of work?
brought distinction to British life and enhanced its reputation?
exemplified the best sustained and selfless voluntary service?
demonstrated innovation and entrepreneurship?
carried the respect of their peers?
changed things, with an emphasis on achievement?
improved the lot of those less able to help themselves?
displayed moral courage and vision in making and delivering tough choices?

Now tell me... in what way does Catherine Zeta Jones meet any of these criteria???

Rant over.

"Helen Mirren blasts BP on US chat show"

"Dame Helen Mirren last night launched an astonishing attack on BP, saying the letters stood for "bloody p***-poor".
The actress told US chat show host David Letterman she was relieved England drew 1-1 with the US in the World Cup as a victory would have been unfair on those in the Gulf of Mexico affected by the devastating oil spill there

She said: "If Britain had beaten America, what with BP, which to my mind stands for bloody p***-poor... "I don't think I could have come on this show. I would have been so embarrassed and mortified at being British." -- Daily Mirror

What kind of retard would say such a load of sh*te? If you feel that way maybe you should hand back all the British honours you have been given and delete the word "Dame" for starters.


Rant over.

"Tories want London Underground trains to be driverless"

"All trains on the London Underground should be driverless, according to the Conservative group on the London Assembly.
In a proposal to the mayor, the Tories claim it would save about £141m-a-year in wages and prevent strike action.
Transport for London (TfL) said staff on board trains reassure passengers, provide information and help with speedy alighting.
The Rail, Maritime and Transport union said the proposal would hit safety. The Victoria and Central lines already use technology which has reduced train drivers to door openers." -- BBC website.
About bloody time... it is the last bit that gets me - "reduced train drivers to door openers". £40,000 pa to open f*cking doors. SACK THE B*ST*RDS!!!
Rant over.

CZJ gets a CBE

"Barely able to raise a smile, you'd never have guessed that just hours earlier Catherine Zeta-Jones had been the surprise recipient of a CBE.
Despite being named in the Queen's Birthday Honours List, the Welsh actress looked surprisingly glum as she took her dog for a walk in New York yesterday.
The 40-year-old, who insisted she was 'thrilled' with her award, has risen from domestic television to become a Hollywood star - but has not lived in the UK for over a decade, preferring the life of a sun-soaked tax exile." -- Daily Mail
Absolutely bloody disgusting - a crap actress who has shagged her way up the celebrity list to reach the top. All she has done is line her own pocket... AND SHE GETS A CBE. Utterly and totally despicable. And to cap it all she is a tax exile!!
Rant over.

Shut that bloody row up!!!

What I would like to know is why do South Africans insist on blowing these soddin' vuvuzelas? It's a constant drone reminiscent of a swarm of wasps buzzing in a confined space. It's not tuneful, it's not clever. IT'S BLOODY STUPID!!! SHUT IT!!!!!

Rant over.


It makes you wonder that if BP was an American company we wouldn't be seeing all this desire "to kick ass". Obama you are a tosser... and if the coalition government believes there is a "special relationship" then they are more stupid than I previously thought.

Rant over.

"Making lots of money makes me happy..."

... says Jessica Alba. I BET IT DOES!!!

She then goes on about how her life is so great because of it, etc... etc... etc.

Okay, I have no problem with that. However it is how she concludes by saying: "Anyone out there who gets bullied should realise that they can take control of their lives and succeed." B*LL*CKS. It is possible but you need a huge dollop of luck. And you Jessica Alba have had outstanding success in your chosen field of acting because a) You look fabulous b) You were in the right place at the right time. Which to me is incredible luck.

I utterly detest it when successful people smugly tell us you make your own luck in life. TOTAL SH*TE.

Rant over.

Checking the reviews on Trip Advisor...

Okay I must admit that Trip Advisor can be pretty useful when checking out reviews of hotels etc... But why is it whenever you check you always, always, always get for the same hotel "5 stars - a great place to stay", "5 stars - fabulous service", "4.5 stars - highly recommended" and then... "1 star - sh*te, don't stay here", "1 star - walls are thin, can here people shagging in neighbouring room" - It makes you wonder if these people are staying in the same f*cking establishment?

Rant over.

The World's most boring car...

The Vauxhall Zafira is without a doubt the most boring looking car imaginable. Jeremy Clarkson summed mini-MPVs up in yesterday's Sunday Times (yeah... still reading it).

"Whenever I see a man in a mini-MPV, he is always a dork; a sad and tragic little weasel for whom life is a chore to be undertaken as quietly and as practically as possible. And women in mini-MPVs? For some reason, they have thin lips and are always very bossy."

My experience of women who drive Zafiras are that they are fat dollops who park outside our house to deliver their brats to the school at the end of our road!

Rant over.

Lemsip Comik

Honestly... this is getting surreal! Apparently the ousted Lib Dem MP is trying stand-up comedy as he searches for a new role. He said in today's Sunday Times: "I'm not bitter. I don't have resentment. I don't have self pity. I am uncertain about my future, though." He then goes on to describe how he went on to do a comedy routine in London and finishes off by saying "I am brand Lembit"
I am speechless!!!

Plug Ferdinand

So... old Plug Ugly is out of the England team. He does one bit of training and BAM! He's injured. I bet they don't send him home either... nice little earner for doing sod all isn't it? Look at that face though... ABSOLUTELY NOTHING GOING ON BEHIND THOSE EYES!!!
Rant over.

What Talent?

Seriously... I have just watched one of the semi-finals and I did not see anyone with any kind of talent. Some old bat singing in the style of Shirley Bassey, a couple of retards who did jerky movements in sort of unison and a troupe of girls dressed as skeleton pirates who did a dance routine. Total shite...

Rant over.

It's all about the money...

What redeeming feature does this specimen have? The answer of course is NONE! Everyday there seems to be a case featuring someone who's head is deep in the trough. That Lawes bloke for instance... "Oh, I didn't realise I couldn't thieve £40,000 worth of public money and give it to my boyfriend". D*ckhead.

Now that waste of space parasite Sarah Ferguson has been caught at it. "Give me £500,000 and I can get you in with my exhubby". And then when she gets caught and shamed by it she tries to wriggle off the hook and says she was in a "bad space". No you weren't - you are just highly embarrassed you have been caught out!!!

Rant over.