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Jonathan Ross turned down millions...

Or so he says on the BBC news website. Apparently he was being paid £6 million pa which was pretty measely compared to what he turned down to remain at the Corporation. What a martyr you are Wossy. And guess what? He said his phone was being hacked too... Oh for f*cks sake.

Rant over.

Big Brother's Bit On The Side

Last Sunday you would have seen me on the telly on Channel 5*... sitting in the audience for an appalling episode of Celebrity Big Brother's Bit On The Side.

Myself and N were roped into doing this by MO on the proviso by me that I wouldn't have to speak on live TV answering questions from Emma Willis. I needn't have worried as the presenter turned out to be the supremely talentless Alice Levine and it turned out the whole show was a quiz programme.

We arrived at Elstree Studios at 8pm and were
escorted along with about 30 or so other members of the public to a waiting area where we were given drinks and crisps. Last years winner, Josie, turned up and was immediately mobbed by half the saddos in the room. Not only that but the attention seeking Joe Swash also made a surprise entrance as he had been next door filming Millionaire.

When we were finally lead into the studio I made sure I wasn't going to get picked on by nabbing a back row seat.

What I would like to say is that Alice Levine and Jodie Marsh wanted nothing to do with us - the studio audience. Alex Reid however was incredibly friendly and went out of his way to greet everyone of us. I was impressed. The show was on for hour and trying to act enthusiastic all the time was pretty hard... as the whole programme is utter sh*te! But it was definitely an experience to remember...

Welcome to The Garden City (Part 7)

The last day was finally upon us... and as a special treat we had breakfast at the aptly named The Breakfast Club, an establishment that N and I have dined in a number of times. I can certainly recommend the full English. Yet again there was a bit more shopping done before we finally returned home for our guests to do their last minute packing. Of course LAB had about 30kg in one of her suitcases so there was some frantic rearranging and the utilisation of a small case of N's.

Sadly it was time to leave for the airport and it was not long later that we were standing in departures by the security gate making our tearful farewells.

Coming soon... Cape Town VII

Welcome to The Garden City (Part 6)

Of course a trip to London wouldn't be complete without a visit to Harrods. I must admit I was disappointed we didn't see a Bugatti Veyron 16.4 Supersport parked on a double yellow line outside the store (that would have made my day!) but hey you can't have everything can you?

Anyway I've got ahead of myself a bit... on the Friday we travelled into London again for LAB's special day out which included... you guessed it... SHOPPING! Apart from Harrods, LAB browsed through about 50,000 different clothes shops and to be honest I was a bit numb by the end of it. After a spot of lunch in Starbucks we tubed it to Waterloo as it was Little "c" 's surprise which was a trip on The London Eye. Whilst LAB and Little "c" went for a leisurely rotation N and I sat on the grass and looked after Little "a".

Not really relishing the idea of battling the tube again with the pushchair we caught a bus instead and took the 10 minute journey back across the river to Covent Garden where we quickly located TGI Friday and had an early dinner. More shop browsing ensued before we finally took the tube back to Kings Cross and headed home.

To be continued...

Who do you think you are?

I love the way on this programme that the so called "celebrities" manage to track back a famous ancestor umpteen generations and then claim it is such an honour that they are part of that family.

For instance in tonights edition Sebastian Coe discovers that about seven generations ago one of his ancestors was Lieutenant General or some such title of New York circa 1734. The fact that going that far back probably means a few thousand other people alive today are also related to that individual seems to escape him. Tw*t.

Rant over.

Charging for digging holes in roads

I thought that was bloody typical on the news today. Some bright spark has come up with the idea of charging utility companies for digging up roads... supposedly to encourage proper co-ordination between the various companies.

Thats the answer to everything in this country... charge for it. If there is the potential to make a profit out of anything then some f*cker will charge a fee. Of course in this case the utility companies will simply pass the cost onto the customer. Terrific idea.

Rant over.

Welcome to The Garden City (Part 5)

The highlight of the week was our daytrip to Legoland Windsor. £41 per adult gained us entrance to a pretty impressive theme park and an experience Little "c" would never forget.

Ride No. 1 was the Viking Splash... which typically saturated me the most. There then followed a succession of not exactly white knuckle rides but pleasantly exhilarating ones. Little "c" enjoyed them all save the Pirate Ship swing thing as it made her "tummy scared".

The worst part was the queuing... you could put your hand in your pocket and fork out an extra £15 each and you could bypass the line... or you could wait about 45 minutes. The pirate log plume gave the kids a queuing distraction in the form of duplo lego bricks to play with whilst the grown ups zigzagged their way to the front.

We ended up staying all day and still didn't see everything. Cardboard burger for dinner. A caricature portrait of Little "c", a wander around Miniland, a sedate aerial railway and a rope climbing lift ride were the concluding events... and then it was finally home time. Everyone fell asleep in the car (except me as I was driving).

To be continued...

Welcome to The Garden City (Part 4)

A major feature of LAB's visit to the UK was to shop! So not to disappoint we took our guests to London's premier shopping centre: Westfield London. For a while I had the responsibility of looking after Little "c" in the kids play area. She set about meticulously painting a multicoloured ceramic elephant but passed on the mask and the doorhanger. After a while we headed off to find the others. I spent some time browsing the books in Foyles and flicked through the latest novel in the Song of Ice and Fire series by George R R Martin. Also I had a look in a gadget shop (will almost certainly close due to the pointless nature of it's merchandise) which stocked radio controlled helicopters with miniature cameras fitted so you can spy on people (£70).

We had an expensive fish and chips for lunch... with mushy peas (I'm not keen on mushy peas! But it didn't stop N getting them for me)... and then did a bit more shopping before coming home (in light of the riots and looting we thought it prudent not to hang about).

Dinner that evening was courtesy of Dominos and of course I consumed more than my fair share of pizza!

To be continued.

Welcome to The Garden City (Part 3)

I've actually been three times to Whipsnade Zoo in the last three years... before that it was probably 33 years! The first two times were for a fortieth birthday celebration and for a christening. This time it was for a proper full on zoo visit. We were originally considering going to London Zoo but after the effort required to travel to Regents Park for Lollibop by public transport we thought better of it and drove to Whipsnade instead.

First of all we took in a ten minute sealion show which was then followed by a ride on the steam train. Then we decided to walk up to the Giraffe enclosure where little "c" learned all about giraffes' stomachs and how many bones they have in their necks (they actually have seven bones which is in fact the same as a human).

We had sandwiches for lunch and whilst we were eating we were constantly interrupted by an inquisitive peacock. After our meal we walked back to the entrance gate and caught the tour bus that circumnavigated the zoo. Little "c" and I got off at the hippo pen whilst N, LAB and little "a" stayed on. Little "c" and I then took a look at the hippos (one of which went for a massive dump in front of us as it got out of the water), followed by lions, meerkats (simples!) and flamingos.

We met up with the others at the cafe and after some more refreshments we walked over to the Discovery Centre where there was a large collection of reptiles and fish. At last it was time to go home and we wearily walked back to the car.

To be continued...

"Irrevocably damaged..."

Just been watching the latest Newsnight on BBC2 and what do you get: Three pseudo intellectual foreign tw*ts saying that Britain has been irrevocably damaged by the rioting and looting in foreign eyes. B*ll*cks has it. No one will even remember it a few weeks down the line. Don't these pompous f*ckers realise that the public in most countries have memories like goldfish. And typically the French advised their population not to come to England. They really hate us don't they!

Rant over.

Welcome to The Garden City (Part 2)

Sunday we headed off to Biscester Village outlet shopping centre. To be honest I was gobsmacked at the number of people present... whether they were all spending considering the current economic climate was another question. I was tasked with keeping an eye on little "c" and little "a" whilst LAB scythed her way through the various stores.

On the way back we quickly stopped off at The Galeria in Hatfield as LAB wanted a quick perusal in Gap.

Dinner that evening was a fantastic breyani prepared by LAB. Followed by a couple of episodes of Modern Family.

To be continued...

Binscum aggravation again...

Don't you just love it when you arrive home from a day out with your relatives and those motherf*cking, ar*eholing, retarded, scumfaced, w*nking b@stard binapes have left your bin full with two weeks worth of rubbish... personally I would wish that every last one of these pricks would be rounded up, tortured horribly and shot through the head.


Rant over.

Welcome to The Garden City (Part 1)

N and I had an early start last Friday morning... getting up at 5am so as we could drive down to Heathrow to pick up my sister-in-law LAB and my two nieces: Little "c" and Little "a".

Amazingly the journey both ways went very quickly and uneventfully and it was in no time at all that we were back at home. LAB decided to have a rest with Little "a" and we took Little "c" with us to the town centre for a quick shopping trip to buy some rolls for lunch.

I have never watched so much kid's TV (well not since I was a kid myself). CBeebies and Disney Jr with the result being two entranced nieces.

That evening's dinner we spent at The Cowper Arms in Cole Green along with MO. Little "c" went outside immediately to play... where she gets the energy from is mindboggling!

Day 2... and after a better than I expected sleep on a mattress in the living room we all got up to get ready for a trip to London's Regents Park where the Lollibop Festival was taking place. To make things easy I dropped off N and our guests in the town centre, then quickly drove home and walked back into town.

We caught the train to Kings Cross and then the fun and games really started... as we had to use the tube. Fortunately there were some lifts we could use but in places there was no alternative but to pick up the pushchair containing Little "a" and carve our way through the crowds of people that thronged the station. After a stressful half hour we eventually arrived at Regents Park.

As you may imagine there was a helluva lot of kids with their parents at Lollibop. All kinds of activities were going on and we quickly picked up a ticket for Little "c" to join the trapeze workshop at 2pm. Little "c" is massively into drawing and colouring in so she did a bit of that to begin with. The queues for the trampolines and the facepainting were pretty long and as she had her trapeze class coming up we decided to eat first (the obligatory rip-off hotdog for £4.50).

Little "c" was first onto the trapeze and to be honest was a bit shy but she certainly seemed to enjoy it. Whilst all this was going on LAB was queuing for the facepainting. Little "c" joined her in the line and when it got to her turn she decided to have a "princess" face.

There were various comedic characters roaming around the park... including two blokes on springy stilts dressed up as kangaroos. What I thought was a bit dodgy was that one of them had a pair of enormous bollocks dangling between the legs of his costume!

Eventually we decided to leave and of course LAB decided she wanted to do a quick bit of shopping in the West End. So whilst N and I looked after the kids she dived into H&M along Regents Street. At long last we wearily battled the tube again back to Kings Cross and returned home... knackered!

To be continued...

US Credit Rating downgraded?

How the f*ck can some company called Standard & Poor wag its finger and announce that in its eyes the US credit rating is downgraded? And because of that announcement f*ck over the world's financial markets. You can imagine a group of pompous ar*eholes meeting in some flash office in Switzerland pretending they know better than anyone else and then making that statement knowing the fact that they are going to create havoc around the world. Sounds f*cking irresponsible to me. I can't blame the Americans going ballistic at the news, it's not even like the other credit agencies followed suit. It makes me wonder if they did it just to receive some publicity.

Rant over.

Captain America: The First Avenger

Okay I realise I'm about a week late with this blogpost, as I did in fact see this film last Friday (the day it was released). But... hey, painting the bathroom did take priority. Anyway as usual I digress.

Captain America: The First Avenger is the origin story of the USA's first supersoldier. Steve Rodgers (played by Chris Evans) is a 9 stone weakling who has a strong sense of doing the right thing and standing up to bullies. It is actually in this early stage of the film that our hero is at his best, ie. Flawed. Once he has been administered the superserum and those physical flaws have been eliminated the character becomes far more two dimensional. Again I won't describe the plot in any kind of detail but Cap goes up against his evil nemesis the nazi genius the Red Skull portrayed by Agent Smith himself, the tremendous Hugo Weaving. After various battles and a couple of interesting montages the climax of the film has Steve Rodgers piloting a nuclear bomber into the Arctic.

To be honest I thought Thor was a better film but Captain America has plenty of thrills and whatever you do, you must stay to the after credits epilogue which also features The Avengers trailer... which looks utterly fantastic!

Rating: 7/10

No rest for the wicked...

I haven't had time to write any blogposts this week as although I'm currently on holiday it has been non-stop working at home. Clearing out the garage (which is still a work in progress), painting the bathroom walls, helping N get the spareroom ready and a myriad of other vital operations. And now we are ready for our guests to arrive tomorrow!