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Apprentice Archetypes No. 1

Have you noticed there is always some unintelligible inhabitant from Northern Ireland in The Apprentice ?


Have you ever noticed in films or TV shows whenever someone is running a check on something through a computer such as fingerprints it always comes up on the screen in big letters the word "MATCH" ? At the same time the two images are overlaid and flash. Always big and basic. Never some complex Windows application.

The same goes with text messages... big basic lettering rather than tiddly lettering in speech bubbles!

Couldn't you just punch this tosser in the face?

If the UK leaves the EU... we are doomed!

Off The Cuff Rant No. 22

Jeezus H Christ!... How many rom coms has Jennifer Aniston starred in? Talk about playing it safe. She portrays exactly the same character every time... and that character is shite!


Last year when Prometheus was released at the cinema I intended to go and see it. However it was only after reading a shedload of negative reviews that I decided to give it a miss and catch it when it was finally broadcast on Sky Movies. Anyway... this is what I thought...

I have enjoyed all the Alien films... especially the second instalment, Alienswhich is in fact one of my all time favourites. It has everything: Action, horror, great story, interesting characters, good acting and excellent military hardware. It's trump card is Sigourney Weaver - without her I don't think the series would have been anywhere near as good. You care about Ellen Ripley and you are willing her to succeed against her alien adversaries. This is a testament to Weaver's superior acting as well as the writing.

In Prometheus I couldn't have given a sh*t about any of the characters. And as for the weirdly named Noomi Rapace... I don't think they could have picked anyone with less charisma - as she was utterly crap!! In fact virtually all of the characters were two dimensional except for David the android portrayed by Michael Fassbender who was far superior to anyone else.

The film was cloaked in secrecy before its release as if it was going to reveal something momentous... But it doesn't. Okay so we learn who the Space Jockey was, but do we really need to know? Something's are better left as a mystery. Of course right at the very end is the bit everyone is waiting for... an Alien bursting out of a chest! Horror, suspense and great acting is what I wanted. And that is not what you get with Prometheus.


Rating: 5/10

"Celebrity" Cara Delevingne, Sienna Miller... snogging

"This may look like one girl kissing a mirror - or her twin sister - but it's not: it's a mega A-list smooch!

At the Met Gala after-party, star guests Cara Delevingne and Sienna Miller got up close and personal with each other for this picture, posted by model Cara on her Instagram page." -- MSN website.

Hang on a minute... "A-list"... Who the f*ck is Cara Delevingne? And the intolerable publicity seeking talentless Sienna Miller. Just a pathetic attempt at propping up their vacuous "careers".

Rant over.

Trying to be quiet

Why is it... whenever it is late at night and you are desperately trying to be quiet and not wake anyone up - everything seems to conspire against you. The bedroom door suddenly develops a 200 decibel piercing shriek. The knackered landing floorboards creak like nobody's business. Normally silent during the day... at night it seems as if your are living in a haunted house. Infuriating.

Rant over.