RSS Feed

Selfies and now Usies

Me, me, me, me, me, me, look at me and look at my cool "A" lister friends! I have made it and I want to be worshipped by everyone!!


Couldn't you just smash that prat Bradley Cooper in the face? And as for that Ellen whatever her name is "I've got 250,000,000,000 followers on Twitter"... Aaaaaaaarrrrrgggggghhhhhh!!!!

Rant over.

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

I have a real soft spot for all Planet of the Apes films (except for the appalling Tim Burton effort from a few years ago). The Charlton Heston original is an absolute classic that truly has the most perfect downer of an ending.

The new series of films beginning with Rise and now the latest Dawn are not quite there yet but are proving to be very entertaining nonetheless. Dawn of the Planet of the Apes is set 10 years after the events of the first film. The simian flu has wiped out the majority of the world's population and things are centred on a group of survivors sheltering in a post apocalyptic San Francisco.

Meanwhile deep in the woods are another group of survivors... this lot are apes and they are led by the super smart chimp Caesar. Like the first film the apes are the best characters by far and it doesn't take long before you forget they are human actors in mo-cap suits superimposed with computer generated wizardry and fully believe they are chimpanzees, orang utans and gorillas.

The plot is simple but you just know that after the initial uneasy cooperation between ape and human - things are going to end in total disaster.

Of course it all ends with the idea of yet another sequel to follow.

Rating: 8/10

Another reason why I don't do the lottery...

Fumbling around with my keys trying to unlock the front door... two of the keys (front door and back door) are the same size and feel the same. Take a guess (the odds are evens on guessing correctly)... Never fits... Always pick the wrong one... Every single time!

Rant over.

Latest Batfleck imagery...

Batman or should that be Batfleck?

Looking very much like the character does in Frank Miller's classic graphic novel The Dark Knight Returns.

Good riddance to Gove

What a relief this repulsive b*stard has been demoted from being in charge of the UK's education system.

Apparently he leads the poll for being one of the most disliked senior Tories... which begs the question: Why do his constituents vote for him?

I also read his wife is p*ssed off too!

Ha ha... tough luck and bog off.

Rant over.

Masterchef voice over woman...

... is apparently an actress by the name of India Fisher - but JEEZUS H Christ... her bloody voice is so irritating.

"Glazed duck in a lobster bisque and a red wine jus" said in a slow, irksome and highly annoying husky voice.

Please f*ck off and get someone decent!

Rant over.

The Wolverine

Anybody reading this probably thinks I'm running a year or so behind schedule as this film was released during 2013 but as I never bothered to trot down to the cinema for this one I've had to wait until I could download it from Sky Movies before I could review it.

Here goes...

The Wolverine is miles better than the crappy X-Men Origins: Wolverine (which was never going to be difficult). Hugh Jackman reprises his role for the umpteenth time and does a really good job. There is a lot of down to earth non-fantastical combat in this film which is great to see because that is what Wolverine is all about... ie. extending his claws and slashing his way through loads of baddies. The story is almost entirely set in Japan and centres on Logan being on the run with Mariko the granddaughter of a Japanese business man who Wolverine saved from the atomic bomb at the end of WWII. The plot is a little bit muddled and our hero spends a fair amount of time without his mutant healing ability and at the end is minus his adamantium claws too.

The worst character by far is Viper, a completely uninteresting villain with absolutely no charisma (where is Magneto when you want him?)

There is the obligatory end of credits scene which gives a taster for the events that transpire in X-Men: Days of Future Past... which will probably take me another year to watch and review.

Rating: 7/10

Why is Andi Peters a judge?

I've had one eye on the totally overrated and absolutely up itself Celebrity Masterchef on BBC1. In fact the whole UK Masterchef effort is p*ss poor when you compare it to the Australian version (as much as it pains me to say this!)

But what really takes the biscuit is that they are using previous series finalists to act as judges (probably because they are cheap) and last week one of these “judges” was Andi Peters, an arrogant and odious twerp who has dabbled in all kinds of things such as TV presenting (remember Ed The Duck?), TV producing and running a model agency (according to Wikipedia).

Anyway... What really bugged me was the obnoxious way he criticised the various dishes. It was as if he thought he was some kind of top chef casting his expert opinion. Well Mr. Peters you are NOT a professional nor expert chef SO DON'T F*CKING TRY AND ACT LIKE ONE!!!

I was actually hoping someone would tip a full plate of food over his head.

Oh and another thing... If I see that fat prat “Biggins” in yet another celebrity reality show I will throw a brick through the TV screen. Okay I probably wouldn't go that far.

Rant over.

New Superman pic from Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice

He must be visiting Gotham City judging by the weather!

Still unsure about this film.

Heston Blumenthal makes a spectacle of himself

So... Heston Blumenthal has "designed" a range of glasses for Vision Express... no doubt for a big fat fee (apparently he had some custom made glasses designed for him by Bugatti). All I can say is the glasses he wears make him look like a prat. 

He thinks he looks cool... He doesn't.

Rant over.

Gavin The Gnome

Hmmm... a mankini wearing gnome called Gavin reclining to a Shaggy soundtrack advertising a crappy supermarket.

Nope... don't get it Asda!

Rant over.