Metro Bank

This lot have got to be mad... the first new high street bank for 100 years. Fair play to them but they ain't gonna last. I had a quick look at their website and it tells you nothing. No interest rates, no details on accounts, no nothing. What I thought was far more ominous (if that is the right word) was the announcement that Tesco are going to open banks inside their stores. You can't help thinking that when Tesco turn their attention to something - OBLITERATION follows!

The Return of Soda Stream

Did the Soda Stream ever go away? I can remember them being advertised on the telly when I was a kid (a long time ago!) and I always always always wanted one. The idea of being able to make your own soft drinks seemed appealing at the time... but when you think about it - was (or is) there any point? I imagine the novelty would wear off pretty quickly and I bet the drinks taste like p*ss (not that I've ever tasted p*ss). Another nostalgia trip eh?

North Londonshire?

I kept hearing an advert on the radio (voiced by the irritating Sandy Toksvig) for some bizarre and unknown place called North Londonshire. Where the f*ck is North Londonshire?... well it turns out some dick has decided to call Corby, Wellingborough, Kettering and Rushden - North Londonshire. A green and pleasant land, a Shangri La, a paradise where everyone should aspire to live. SORRY... but a friend of mine used to live in Rushden and I remember it being a total dump. North Londonshire my arse! Retards.

Rant over.

Kissing armpits... bleurgh!

What is that Sanex advert all about eh?... Kissing armpits?? Have you ever had the urge to kiss someone's armpit??? What if they hadn't shaved them... you'd get a mouthful of hair!

Weird.

Cheatin' Cheggers!

Keith Chegwin must rank as one of the all time biggest saddoes. Not only is he supremely untalented. Not only is he completely unfunny. Not only does he come over and almost certainly is completely desperate. He nicks other comedians jokes. Apparently he has a huge following on Twitter because he has been telling jokes on a regular basis... the only trouble is he has thieved them off others. Namely proffessional comedians. My God just looking at his retarded face makes one feel embarrassed. Do us all a favour Cheggers and F*CK OFF!!!

Rant over

Beaten to the front of the queue

And yet another thing that narks me is when you are walking towards a shop or a cashier or a bar or anything where a queue can form and you see that it is empty... you pick up speed thinking I can be served quickly and then just before you get there at least three b*st*rds appear from nowhere and get there before you... and you have to wait. That annoys me!

Rant over.

"Goldman Sachs profits hit by tax, fine and poor trading"

"Goldman Sachs has reported a sharp fall in second-quarter profits after being hit by the UK's bonus tax, a US fine and poor trading revenues. Net income came in at $613m (£404m), down from $3.4bn a year ago. But even ignoring the $600m accrued tax in the UK, and the US regulator's record $550m fine, underlying profits fell by nearly half. The result was driven by a drop in revenues from Goldman's traders, which fell 39% from a year ago."

However the bit that gets me...

"Accrued employee compensation for the quarter - which includes the bonus pool - was $3.8bn, down 43% from a year ago.

This means that average accrued pay per employee at the firm for the first six months of the year was $273,000." -- BBC News website.

And so it goes on... pay out after pay out after pay out. Goldman Sachs and the other banks of their ilk just seem to be completely immune to the misery and poverty inflicted on everyone else... and they don't give a sh*t.

That's capitalism for you!

Rant over.

You are welcome to Stevenage...

We had the misfortune of making a visit to Stevenage town centre the other week. WHAT A DUMP! If ever there was a place that should be nuked - it is Stevenage. An absolute sh*th*le of a town - the denizens looked like they all shared a common gene pool. Honestly I do not want to go there ever again!

Rant over.

Inception

The trouble with films that are a trifle complex are that they can be reliant on the various characters giving a lot of exposition to let the audience keep up. I noticed it a bit in Inception but it certainly didn't detract from an excellent story. Okay... it did feel a bit like The Matrix but the acting was a hell of a lot better than it's 1999 predecessor.

Leornardo Di Caprio is proving that he is one of the best actors in Hollywood and he puts in another sterling performance as Dom Cobb the extraction specialist. At times he reminded me of his previous character in Shutter Island and again there is a similar issue regarding his wife and kids.

The plot in fact is not that complex - it is more to do with the "science" involved. A dream within a dream within a dream. The effects are spectacular but there were points where the scene changed quickly between dreams and my mind began to wander.

A very worthy follow up to The Dark Knight... Christopher Nolan is proving again that he is one of Britain's greatest directors. Go and see it!

Rating: 8.5/10

"Oh, the joy of warm pants and green lights..."

The Sunday Times was banging on about a blog called 1000awesomethings (you can tell it's run by a Yank can't you?) that lists a different thing each day that will make you smile. Makes you want to puke just thinking about it. Here are some examples...

When a baby falls asleep on top of you

The first hour of a road trip

Plugging in last year's Christmas lights and finding that they all work

When the hiccups stop

Museum gift shops

Your favourite old comfy T shirt

The smell of Play-Doh

Fishing a big piece of lint out of your belly button (... actually I do this a lot)

What a load of b*ll*cks.

Actually one entry I did like was: "blowing your nose in the shower". The trouble is I get a severe telling off if I'm caught by N, so I don't do it anymore.

Rant over.

BP up for sale?

I can't help wondering whether the Obama administration has mercilessly attacked BP so as to clobber it's share value and make it ripe for being taken over. Apparently the way is open for Exxon and/or Chevron to put in a bid. BP is being obliged to flog off assets so as it can raise the money it will have to pay in compensation.

So will we be seeing yet another British company being flogged off to the Yanks? I can see it comin'....

Rant over.

Is teacher's £200k pay a scandal?

"In fact Elms, who runs a school of 400 pupils, was paid a basic salary of £82,714 last year. But he also received more than £100,000 - £51,957 of which was backdated pay for 2008/09 - for work on a programme introduced by the Labour Government to tackle underachievement in disadvantaged areas. He was also paid £10,000 in overtime for 2009/10, and a further £9,317 for overtime in 2008/09." -- AOL website.

Hang on a minute... Why the hell is a headteacher who is earning a "basic" salary of £82,714 being paid overtime? I didn't think those positions paid overtime. How did he manage to be paid this? HOW?

Rant over.

A memorable image from last week...

I think that there was little doubt that Raoul Moat was going to end up dead. I mean for heaven's sake the police had sent in about 15% of their armed officers to get him. Of course on the TV news they reported that negotiators were talking to him to calm him down (apparently Moat's uncle phoned to ask if he could help and the police didn't bother calling him back). Anyway the image that sticks in my mind is the photo above. Now isn't it reassuring to see the look on the face of that retarded gimp above. I bet his superiors will be having a word with him after his ugly mug appeared all over the news. Prat.

Rant over.

Oldest ironmongers to close...

I was very disappointed to read that the oldest ironmongers in the country is to close next month. Gill & Son has been trading since 1530 and has seen 20 monarchs and 76 primeministers. That is a phenomenal history. 480 years. Now the effect of the recession and the onslaught of B&Q and all the others has finally finished them off.

When you think about it - small retailers stand very little chance of success these days. I suppose small niche shops can thrive but something like an ironmongers is going to be ripped apart by the big boys. That's progress for you...

"Lembit Opik says he will stand as London mayor"

Oh for f*cks sake... someone shoot the b*stard. PLEASE!

Rant over.

Facebook

And another thing that drives me up the wall are friends on Facebook who make 58,000 status updates per day. You think to yourself... I know I'll have a quick look on FB to see if there's anything interesting - And what do you get? The same 2 or 3 people who have been making continuous posts all day, so you end up with a screen full of their drivel and nothing else!!!

Rant over.

"Five star luxury of Blairs' police squad: Astonishing £5,000 a week expense claims (right down to £1.19 packet of Percy Pigs)"

"The extraordinary cost to the taxpayer of protecting former Prime Minister Tony Blair as he travels the globe earning his vast fortune can be revealed by The Mail on Sunday today.
His team of bodyguards are costing taxpayers £250,000 a year in expenses alone as they stay in some of the world’s most exclusive locations, running up vast bills for luxury hotels and expensive meals while Mr Blair swells his £20 million personal fortune."

The article continues...

Sources also say that officers are given a generous 24-hour overtime rate while abroad – meaning they are paid even when they are asleep. They are regarded as being on duty around the clock, so get three days’ pay for every day they are abroad – ‘treble bubble’ in police canteen slang.

The revelations will raise new questions about the high cost of providing bodyguards to former politicians and whether wealthy individuals such as Mr Blair should be asked to contribute to the spiralling costs.

The former Prime Minister can earn up to £80,000 an hour for a speaking engagement – which means he could clear his protection team’s annual expenses bill with little over three hours’ work.

Some of the claims made by the pigs:

£464 a night to stay at the elegant Carlyle Hotel on Manhattan’s Upper East Side, where they also claimed £56 for pizzas plus a £5 tip, which was queried by the accounts department.

£150 for limousine hire after a helicopter taking Mr Blair and his bodyguards from New York to Yale University had to turn back in bad weather.

£280 a night for the American Colony Hotel in Jerusalem; £348 a night at the Kempinski hotel, Dubai; £180 a night at the Sofitel, Brussels; and £414 a night in the Emirates Palace, Abu Dhabi.

£3,020 in cash to cover expenses for a trip to Sierra Leone in February, which they spent without obtaining receipts.

£6,693 for one officer flying from Jerusalem to Jeddah, then on to Kuala Lumpur, then Indonesia, Singapore and Washington DC on a ‘recce’ trip to assess the security situation for planned future trips by Mr Blair. In the process he stayed in some of the world’s finest hotels, including one night at the Jeddah Hilton which cost £1,264. He was told the room rate was so high as the hotel was full of pilgrims stranded by the volcanic ash cloud that grounded flights.

£4,800 for one month’s expenses by one officer who was forced to stay overseas for 22 days, also because of the volcanic ash disruption.

£38.73 for two white teas, a chocolate milkshake, an ‘Olympic’ breakfast, mixed grill and a rib eye steak at the Little Chef in Bicester, Oxfordshire." -- The Daily Mail

ABSOLUTELY TAKING THE F*CKING P*SS!!!!

Working for these protection squads must be one of the easiest police jobs going. You actually don't arrest anyone. All you do is travel all over the world looking like a complete d*ckhead (wearing Oakley sunglasses with a curly wire coming out of your ear) walking in front of or behind some prat like Blair... doing absolutely f*ck all and put in huge expense claims. WHY ARE WE PAYING FOR THIS??? WHY?

And what is all this about some w*nker claiming £4,800 expenses for the volcanic ash disruption. N and I got caught up in that and we were lucky we didn't get our pay docked.

In Blair's case, the ar*seh*le should be paying for it all himself... but NO! It's heads in the trough again. Get someone else to pay.

Right lets see the cuts being implemented on this total abuse of public spending.

BLOODY DISGUSTING!!!

Rant over.

Wimbledon 2010: Centre Court (Part 3)

Okay I know this is a photo of Andy Murray... but I want to make an observation about Rafael Nadal. Why the f*ck does he have to pull his pants out of his arse every 30 seconds? The routine is grab towel, get three balls, discard one, push his hair back, pull his pants out of his crack, bounce ball and serve. Everytime. But then that is how he is probably so successful. Relentlessly follow the same procedure and focus. You could see during the match we saw how even though his opponent pulled away he would not deviate and would grind his way back. Very impressive.

Of course the ugly b*st*rd to the left will probably be his next victim when they play tomorrow. The Murray v Simon match was much more a one sided affair than the Nadal epic... and the ugly, objectionable Scot made fairly short work of his adversary.

That was more or less the end of our superb Saturday at Wimbledon. All that remained was a longwinded journey back home. Oh yes! MO and I had a large doner kebab each when we got back to Harrow Wealdstone station... the first one I've had for over 2 years. Of course I regretted it afterwards...