Audrey Tautou

Engrossed in an old issue of Empire Magazine I discovered a pompous interview with the actress Audrey Tautou - she was being questioned about her latest film Coco Avant Chanel.

"I wanted to find a point of view with the director which would excite me totally as an actor"

"What I can see of her in myself is the intelligence and pride..."

"When I'm old enough, I might return to playing her..."

So Audrey your arrogance is nauseating. Not only do you think you are so smart you actually believe someone is going to make another film about some unpleasant woman of no interest - and you think you will be cast to play her again. Deary, deary me Audrey.

Le rant est overt.

Flash Back to Chatsworth House

Last bank holiday weekend we took a break up in The Peak District and on the Sunday we visited Chatsworth House.

The house and gardens are extremely impressive... including the rude statues!

... of course the remake of The Wolfman starring the brilliant Benecio Del Toro was filmed there earlier this year.

Flash Forward

Hmmm... didn't like it. Seemed to be a lot like Heroes with unsympathetic characters. In fact I lost interest about half way through the first episode. Poor in comparison to the brilliant Lost.

Wasps II - The Revenge

I received a frantic call from N this afternoon... "There's a giant wasp in the kitchen!!!" So of course being the heroic husband I drove quickly home to slay the insect intruder. Bloody hell - giant wasp!! It looked like it had come from an old Godzilla film. Actually I reckon it was a hornet because it must have been a couple of inches long (5cm). Anyway armed with the wasp killing foam it received a hosing down. The soddin' thing must have clamped it's mandibles closed because it took a few goes to extricate it from the curtain.

Kitchen Roll II

This is my second rant about kitchen roll... actually it applies to other items you can buy in supermarkets as well. What am I grumbling on about I hear you say? Well during our fortnightly Tesco shopping visit I noticed that they had re-jigged the pricing on their kitchen roll. Previously it had been cheaper (per 100 sheets) to purchase the 4 roll pack rather than the 8 roll pack (rendering the 8 roll pack pointless) now it has been priced so as the 2 roll pack is cheaper than the 4 roll pack which has had its price increased beyond the 8 roll pack as well. The same price trickery had been applied to bottled water (I won't bore you with the specifics). The cheeky sh*ts deliberately keep altering their pricing so as you inadvertently buy the more expensive pack.

Jeezus... just read the above again. This is what happens when you get to 41... you become a boring b*stard.

Rant over.

More Derren Brown...

So did you pick up the image of concentric circles in your mind's eye? I didn't. I thought of the Eiffel Tower. What I want to know is why the woman selected to draw the picture that would hang all week in the Science Museum thought of something as simplistic as concentric circles. She was allowed to draw anything and could change her mind at any point - so why pick something as simple as circles? And then they select this bloke who says he thought of circles and Stone Henge... and low and behold the woman discovered she was being securely held at Stone Henge. Hmmmm...

Clothes Hangers

Okay, okay... this has got to be scraping the barrel when it comes to rants, however I have to mention it as it is something that irritates the hell out of me. Concealed in one corner of our bedroom, behind the laundry basket are a pile of clothes hangers... and every sodding time I want to grab one it is always, always, ALWAYS!!!... hooked up with 25,000 other clothes hangers and hooked up in away that even when you shake them vigorously they won't come apart.

Rant over.

Hannah Montana / Miley Cyrus

Hmmm... I must admit I know bugger all about Miley Cyrus and her alter-ego Hannah Montana. However I was gobsmacked to read that the Hannah Montana brand will be worth $1 billion by the end of the year! $1,000,000,000!!!! That is utterly ridiculous!! 3 TV series a film and a couple of records. Jeezus.

In the same article they said that my favourite actor (not) the utterly wooden Daniel Radcliffe is the most bankable actor around (creates $383 million a film). Curiously Tom Cruise and his ex-wife Nicole Kidman are the most overpaid relative to financial performance. Their last few films have bombed. Cruise generates $1.88 per $1.00 paid and Kidman is on a 1:1 ratio. Maybe they should take a pay cut?

Rant over.

The Hurt Locker

I had meant to write a post about The Hurt Locker a couple of weeks back when I saw it over at The Galeria Odeon. Set in Baghdad during 2003 it follows a three man team of bomb disposal specialists (actually it is only one of them who is the expert, the other two are detailed to protect him). This is a great film and if you enjoy highly intense cinematic experiences you'll love this. The characters are developed well - especially the bomb expert (whose name I've managed to forget!) and you can see how he gets off on the adrenalin rush he receives from defusing roadside explosives. Only a couple of minor irks. One concerning their encounter with an SAS unit who seem largely ineffectual in a firefight situation but the bomb squad save the day by doing some sniping, which seems odd because you wouldn't think that is wear their skills would lie. Secondly you don't see any commanding officer so it gives the impression they can do what they damn well like (which they do!). Actually both these criticisms don't detract from the film so don't let it put you off. Highly recommended.

Rating: 8/10

Is Derren Brown a fake?

I really don't know about this bloke... I've watched the last two of his shows (the one where he predicted the lottery results) and last nights where he made people stick to their chairs by showing some wavy lines on the TV screen. Is he for real? Is it subliminal? My instinct is that he is just a very competent magician and it is simply all a series of very clever tricks. Oh by the way neither N or I were stuck to the sofa.

What do you reckon?

What is the point of pigeons...?

Last week whilst I was driving home a pigeon committed suicide by taking off from the grass verge and flying smack bang into the side of my car. It struck the "A" pillar and as I had the window down I was lucky that it didn't smack me in the side of the head... of course that now adds another kill to my list. So far I have done a cat, a rabbit, a pigeon and almost a small deer (I fortunately managed to stop in time) as the stupid thing stood in the middle of the road.

Like wasps I cannot see the point of pigeons. Also you never see baby pigeons do you? They all look exactly the same size. Maybe they are cloned or something!

Rant over.

Death to wasps

What I want to know is... what purpose do wasps have for existing? They look nasty, they sound horrible and they can sting you multiple times and do not die. If they became extinct would we miss the little bastards? I don't think so!!!

At the Hammond abode we unfortunately gained a wasps nest. In and out they went somewhere into the cavity wall right up in an inaccessible corner of the bathroom window. One after the other of the little shits buzzing in and out. Then they started getting into the bathroom so that was it. The f*ckers cost me £33.21 to be exterminated. Serves them right. B*stards!

Rant over.

Holby City

Just noticed whilst doing the washing up with one ear on the telly that Holby City insists on copying the US hospital soaps (ER and Greys Anatomy) in having the musical interlude bit approximately 5 to 10 minutes from the end... can't anyone come up with anything original!

Rant over.

Drug Driving

What I want to know is where the hell did they get those bug eyed people from? Do you reckon they placed an advertisement for individuals with gigantic bug eyes??

Tesco Trolleys

Every fortnight N and I shop at Tescos in wonderful Hatfield. Exciting eh? Well what pees me off is everytime I go to get a trolley from the massed ranks of 'em outside the shop I find that there is some soggy bit of plastic or paper or scrap of skanky snotrag in the bottom of the nearest ones that can be taken. After eventually finding an empty cart I go to pull it free from it's neighbour only to find some ape that has collected them up earlier has jammed them so hard together I can't separate them. Once I have found an empty one that I can pull free I make my way into the store only to find the soddin' thing has a wonky wheel and is making an irritating clanking sound... at that point I give up all hope!

Rant over.