Avatar

Apparently Avatar cost $300 million to make, 12 years to put together (most of that time inventing the technology to shoot it) and nearly 3 hours to watch... and do you know what. I wasn't that impressed. Don't get me wrong, the effects are truly amazing and I particularly liked the military vehicles etc. However the story was simplistic and the characters were unsympathetic. Why is Sam Worthington given great jobs? First of all we see him in Terminator Salvation, then this film and then early 2010 he is in Clash of The Titans... and do you know what? HE IS SH*T. He cannot act for toffee. Honestly I could do better. The actress that plays the love interest and the bloke who plays the baddie colonel are far superior actors.

All in all a great disappointment and to my mind James Cameron's weakest film. I think he got stuck up his own arse with all the technology to make it and forgot about entertainment, writing and acting.

Rating: 6/10.

PS. The 3D glasses gave me a headache too!

"Desperate Kerry sells mum's home"

"Financial mess Kerry Katona has managed to solve her housing problem.The troubled ex-Atomic Kitten has discovered that, by selling her mother's home, she can keep her own £1.2 million mansion.Having fallen behind with her £4,000-a-month mortgage payments, Kerry has formulated a plan to sell mum Sue's £130,000 two-bed terrace in order to cover the arrears.A friend told the Daily Star: "Kerry was in a right state as she thought she would end up homeless. She has no money left and all that she has got is paying off her debts."She spoke to the mortgage lender and they told her if she can pay off the arrears within three months, and keep her monthly payments up to date, they will let her keep the house."Kerry's mum is reportedly (and understandably) said to be "horrified and upset" by the prospect of homelessness.The source added: "She feels terrible kicking her mum out but she has herself and her four kids to think of. They've had to come first."As Sue has no income she can easily get a council house but it would be harder for a former millionairess like Kerry to explain why she would need a free home."But, apart from allegedly squandering £1m on shiny new cars for layabout husband Mark and popping out for beer and kebabs on a regular basis, how has Kerry managed to get into such a mess?The pal continued: "Kerry claims she didn't even know she'd fallen behind with her mortgage as she never bothers to check her bankstatements."Or open her post, presumably." - AOL website

UNBELIEVABLE!!! Can't really say anymore than that... UNBELIEVABLE!!!

Rant over.

Do you watch Poirot?

I asked a few people at work the other day if they ever watched Agatha Christie's Poirot... and no one had. In fact I don't think I have ever watched a full episode. So my question is - Does anyone watch Poirot?

Weird.

Secret Santa Smash Up!

Being the stingey bloke I am - I opted out of this years Secret Santa... and as Chris had a day off when the presents were being given out, I was given the task of opening his gift. This turned out to be a big mistake as after I had removed the wrapping paper and opened the box one of the items (a coffee mug) fell out the bottom and smashed on the floor! Bad luck Chris...

Feeling grumpy 'is good for you'

"In a bad mood? Don't worry - according to research, it's good for you.
An Australian psychology expert who has been studying emotions has found being grumpy makes us think more clearly.
In contrast to those annoying happy types, miserable people are better at decision-making and less gullible, his experiments showed.
While cheerfulness fosters creativity, gloominess breeds attentiveness and careful thinking, Professor Joe Forgas told Australian Science Magazine.
'Eeyore days'
The University of New South Wales researcher says a grumpy person can cope with more demanding situations than a happy one because of the way the brain "promotes information processing strategies".
Negative moods trigger more attentive, careful thinking, paying greater attention to the external world
Professor Joe Forgas
He asked volunteers to watch different films and dwell on positive or negative events in their life, designed to put them in either a good or bad mood.
Next he asked them to take part in a series of tasks, including judging the truth of urban myths and providing eyewitness accounts of events.
Those in a bad mood outperformed those who were jolly - they made fewer mistakes and were better communicators.
Professor Forgas said: "Whereas positive mood seems to promote creativity, flexibility, co-operation and reliance on mental shortcuts, negative moods trigger more attentive, careful thinking, paying greater attention to the external world."
The study also found that sad people were better at stating their case through written arguments, which Forgas said showed that a "mildly negative mood may actually promote a more concrete, accommodative and ultimately more successful communication style".
His earlier work shows the weather has a similar impact on us - wet, dreary days sharpened memory, while bright sunny spells make people forgetful." -- BBC News website

I knew it! I knew it!!... This being happy sh*t is b*ll*cks!!!

Don't you love this wonderful weather?...

I just wanted to say "Thanks mate!" to the bloke who pushed my car in the snow this evening. Whoever you are... you're a gent!

Roundabouts

Have you ever approached a roundabout at a distance and noticed that no one is crossing the junction? Have you ever thought - "That's good... maybe I will get to the junction and not have to come to a complete halt". Do these thoughts continue to pass through your mind all the time you are approaching said roundabout? Not a soul about. Then... you finally get to the roundabout and 58,932 cars appear from the right - completely out of nowhere!!!

Rant over.

Automatic Sliding Doors

Recently I have had issues with automatic sliding doors... namely, they don't open when I approach them.

Weird.

Final X Factor Rant...

Surely it wasn't a coincidence that:
"Sir" Paul McCartney
George Michael
Robbie Williams
Lady Ga Ga
Rhianna
Shakira
Michael Buble
Whitney Houston
The Black Eyed Peas
and... Uncle Tom Cobbly... all had new albums to promote? SURELY NOT!!!

Rant over.

Ryan Giggs... sports personality of the year?

What personality?

BIZARRE!

Rant

Over.

The Fallen Herald

What is The Fallen Herald - I hear you ask?
Well it is a recently published novel written by a friend of mine, Simon P Edwards and I must say it is truly an exceptional read. The epic story follows the adventures of the heroic Alazla and various other characters on the mythical world of Rune. The author has created a thoroughly believable and original setting as a dramatic backdrop for an action packed story that drives along at a speed that compels you to just keep turning the pages until you have reached the climactic end. If you want to learn more about The Fallen Herald and its author Simon P Edwards then then check out Simon's website http://www.thefallenherald.com/

Rating: 10/10

Easy Tiger...

Less than a week after the first claim that Tiger Woods had been playing away, the number of ladies linked to the golf ace has now reached seven.And there are rumours of still more women ready to come out of the woodwork - with whispers about a British TV presenter doing the rounds. -- AOL website

Probably Ulrika Jonnson...

3rd Birthday for The Hammond Rants

Thank you all for reading The Hammond Rants

Rants... not over!

"That's why mums shop at Iceland"

Colleen Nolan and Jason Donovan buy/eat food from Iceland? I don't think so...

Rant over.

World Cup Draw

England have been drawn to face the United States, Algeria and Slovenia in the group stage of the 2010 World Cup in South Africa -- BBC News website

I watched the draw on BBC2 and the ensuing interview with Alan Shearer, John Motson and that scouse bloke. Nice easy group eh? We all know what is likely to happen don't we? Yep, the same as everytime England qualify for the World Cup. They will draw the first game, lose the second and struggle to win the third... come second and then get snuffed out in the next round. But before this happens we will have to endure all the usual b*ll*cks about how England are going to win the tournament. Deja vu?

Rant over.

Steel Closure

Steelmaker Corus has confirmed it will curtail production at its Teesside Cast Products factory, putting 1,700 people out of work.
The plant had been at risk since a 10-year deal suddenly fell through.
Business Secretary Lord Mandelson expressed his disappointment, saying it will be a "very difficult time for the workforce". -- BBC News website

"very difficult time for the workforce"... NO SH*T SHERLOCK.

What I'd like to know is why and how the "consortium" were allowed to tear up this 10 year contract?

Rant over.

"RBS board to quit if chancellor vetoes £1.5bn in bonuses"

"The directors of Royal Bank of Scotland have been given legal advice that they would have to resign if the chancellor of the exchequer were to block them from paying the bonuses they regard as essential to maintain the competitiveness of the group." -- Robert Peston (BBC News website)

So let me get this right?... a bank which has been rescued by the taxpayer due to the utter and total incompetence of it's management is demanding that it will have to pay huge bonuses to it's investment bank people in order to retain them!!! I am actually lost for words...

Success = Bonus
Failure = Bonus

I'm now going to go away and throw up...

Rant over.

Wanted

I had been intending to watch this film for sometime and when I finally noticed it was on last weekend I ended up missing the beginning. Anyway I stuck with it for a bit and after dozing off a couple of times (yes it was that good) I found myself wide awake during the scene with the derailed express train. What I couldn't get my head around was how we were supposed to sympathise with the hero (James McAvoy). He jumps aboard a train chasing after his family's killer with revenge on his mind. After a ridiculous firefight where the combatants can swerve bullets and several innocent bystanders are gunned down, the train ends up hanging off a bridge which seems to be about 5 miles up in the air. The gunplay continues... carriages full of more innocent bystanders plunge to oblivion. McAvoy is about to fall. His opponent saves him. McAvoy shoots him. Opponent reveals he is McAvoy's father (Darth Vader style) and he was trying to save him and NOT kill him. Opponent dies. McAvoy realises his mistake. What the f*ck? About 2,000 passengers must have lost there lives in the process!! Okay I know it is only film but please there must be some kind of credibility. What a load of sh*te!

Rating: 2/10... utter crap.

PS. Ange and the smug Morgan Freeman were b*ll*cks too.

Average Speed Cameras

The latest irritation to afflict me are the average speed cameras that are situated at both ends of the roadworks under the Hatfield Tunnel. Now you are probably thinking I am going to slag off the cameras... I ain't! In fact I think they are a good idea. What makes me hackles rise are the scumbag b*stards that flagrantly ignore the limit... and guess what cars they tend to be driving? Yep... you've guessed it - BMWs. I can guarantee you that when you drive through that tunnel at 40mph (the speed limit) some w*nker in a BMW will accelerate past you and then cut you up to get off at the next junction. Every f*cking time it seems to happen. EVERY F*CKING TIME!!!

Rant over.

ATP Tennis Finals

I have never been to the O2 before, but that changed last Thursday evening when N and I saw Juan Martin Del Potro defeat Roger Federer during the evening session (much to N's annoyance as she is a staunch Federer supporter).

As I've said previously I have never had an avid interest in tennis, however I have greatly enjoyed the trips to Wimbledon we have made in the past. This match though blitzed what I had seen at Wimbledon. You can really see the difference between the top players and the wannabes. The speed they move at is incredible, okay there are probably more aces scored than long rallies, but hey... it doesn't get better than this!

Also... I saw where you went for BMW VIP parking!

Brawn GP / Mercedes Benz Motorsport

I'm not too sure what to think about this... Last year Ross Brawn buys the ailing Honda team, makes half the workforce redundant, then manages to create a championship winning car, promptly wins the constructors title and the drivers title through Jenson Button. Button pledges his allegiance to remain at Brawn GP - then is suddenly recruited by McLaren to partner Lewis Hamilton. Rubens Barrichello also leaves for Williams. Ross Brawn then sells 75% of his team to Mercedes Benz, who then rename the team and presto... suddenly Nico Rosberg is taken on as a driver. So this team technically lasted for one year and Mr Brawn must have made an absolute packet. I wonder how the remaining Honda/Brawn employees are feeling? Mercedes are a German company. They have recruited a German driver. They are looking to resurrect the dreaded (and cheating) Michael Schumacher who is German. There is a common theme isn't there? Wouldn't surprise me to hear "Auf Wiedershen" to the remaining UK workforce. I think Mr Brawn has sold you all down the river...

Rant over.

Children In Need

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not going to rant about donating money to charity. The purpose of this rant is against the non-entities involved in presenting it. A lot of people praise "Sir" Terry Wogan for his hosting skills. All I see is a pompous, smug prat with a wig on counting the cash he gets paid by the BBC. Yes he can be amusing (Eurovision for instance) but for the love of god I really don't see any talent at all. Alesha Dixon... what the f*ck is she about?? Did you see the way she was interviewing people? Shove the microphone in their face, give them 1 nanosecond to say something, snatch the oversized plastic cheque and speak all over the person or completely ignore them. Of course a lot of these companies that make big donations simply have to have the company name printed very large on the cheque just to get a bit of advertising... and it amuses me when a couple of companies present cheques at the same time. Company A donates £45,000 then Company B donates 28,000 "Oh shit" says Company B "we look tightfisted" Then we get newsreaders doing a musical number, followed by the cast of Casualty doing a comedy sketch. And lastly... I don't like Pudsey Bear.

Rant over.

New ITV chief 'mulling pay-TV move'

"ITV's new chairman is considering charging viewers for some of its channels as part of a complete overhaul of the broadcaster, it has been reported...

The broadcaster's stable of digital channels - ITV2, ITV3 and ITV4 - could all be switched over from Freeview to subscription-only platforms, the reports said." -- AOL website

So let me get this right... Archie Norman, the chief of ITV thinks that people are going to pay money to watch ITV2, 3 and 4. Is this bloke a retard? Does anyone even watch those channels?? I don't think so!

Rant over.

Twilight

Since we had a Sky+ box installed I've been watching more films on the telly... the latest "blockbuster" I caught was Twilight. Okay so maybe I am not a member of the target audience for this film, but when you have a vampire flick you expect to have throats being ripped out and nasty nosferatu biting the dust every so often. None of that in this film... just a substandard love story plot and "vegetarian" vamps.

Poor.

Rating: 4/10

Death Race... Doomsday... Dreadful

I watched both of these films the other day courtesy of Sky Movies. What can I say both films are not exactly the greatest... in fact not to beat about the bush - they are shite. Which is a shame because in the case of Doomsday you have a great director (Neil Marshall) who directed the excellent Dog Soldiers, The Descent plus the forthcoming Centurion. Doomsday though is b*ll*cks. The story rips off Escape From New York, Aliens and Mad Max... and not very well either. But the biggest handicap must be the supremely untalented Rhona Mitra (see pic above), a woman so excruciatingly bad at acting my left foot could actually do better. I believe Rhona previously "starred" in one of the crap Underworld sequels replacing the equally banal Kate Beckinsale.

And as for Jason Statham... talk about "B" rate mediocrity. This bloke has had a serious charisma bypass. Basically, a balding thug... I really cannot think of any redeeming feature. Mind you I wouldn't want to meet him on a dark night because I'm sure he can beat seven kinds of you know what out of me.

Once again I'm confronted with the same question... "How do these people get given these parts?"

Bizarre.

Doctor Who: The Waters of Mars

Running up and down corridors and using the multi-faceted sonic screwdriver have become all too familiar in the stories written by Russell T Davies... and The Waters of Mars proved to be no exception. The story was similar to a lot of previous Who plots but all in all was pretty good. In fact it was actually quite scary (see the chap in the photo) - and I could imagine there must have been a few kids hiding behind the sofa. The latter stages of this "special" were interesting in that they showed The Doctor in a different light and he displayed flashes of arrogance... being the last Time Lord and all!

David Tennent was of course brilliant but I am now becoming intrigued with how the new regime will tackle the next series. All change and a fresh new look and the disappearance of Russell T maybe exactly what is needed to inject new life.

Rating: 7/10

2012

I thought this film was great!... Unbelievably daft - but great. The whole plot is completely loopy and basically a rehash of Independence Day and The Day After Tomorrow. If you think a lot about how the storyline progresses and the coincidental connections the whole thing is crazy. However for sheer mindless, over the top entertainment I could not fault it. The ludicrous way the main characters escape the ground cracking up behind them in cars and planes is nuts. The director Roland Emmerich goes out of his way again to show various world landmarks being destroyed. The downside of all this action are that the characters are not developed well and there are too many secondary characters you could not give a toss about. But if you want some world shattering entertainment - go and see it!

Rating: 8/10

Kim Woodburn

Looks like a bloke in drag to me... and what is "she" famous for?... WEARING RUBBER GLOVES! - Give me strength.

Rant over.

George Hamilton

So another interminable run of the reality TV series I'm a "Celebrity" Get Me Out Of Here is about to begin... so I thought I would pass comment on the contestants... starting with George Hamilton. Now I haven't got anything against George - but can you remember the films he has been in? Exactly... you can't. Columbo. The Gay Zorro or some such title. And what is with the ridiculous tan? Sorry George you are really scraping the barrel and you look a complete prat.

Rant over.

"My dog has no nose..."

Daniella Westbrook

By far the worst actress there is... utterly terrible!!!

Words fail me.

Minor weirdness...

I dunno... It seems to me that Welwyn Garden City is becoming more and more like Twin Peaks everyday. Ever since I have lived here someone has been trying to sell two Morris Minors by parking them in various laybys with "FOR SALE" signs up. 6 years have elapsed and still they haven't been sold!!! Wouldn't you have thought by now they would have given up? Surely the owner could have sold them by advertising in a classic car mag or on the Internet! Nope too bloody obvious. Burk.

Rant over.

Oh good grief... Lemsip Toxik is at it again!!!

I simply don't believe this... the ugly tw*t has been dumped again... BY A LINGERIE MODEL!!!

"OK, now form an orderly queue please ladies, because it seems that Britain's most eligible bachelor Lembit Opik is back on the market again.The Lib Dem MP, who has dated a string of improbably glamorous women including weathergirl Sian Lloyd and a Cheeky Girl, has split up with his latest flame - lingerie model Katie Green.News of the split was made public this week when Lembit was attending a comedy show by Frank Skinner.The comedian spotted the MP in the audience and called him up on stage - asking him if he was single - to which he replied: "Yes, I am unfortunately."He and Katie, who at 22 was half his age, were claimed to have met at a cocktail party and gone on to enjoy a string of intimate dates.They were even pictured together at condom maker Durex's 80th birthday party, jointly clutching a goodie bag.It saddens us to think that the contents may still be sitting unused on his bedside table.Perhaps Lembit needs to stop punching above his weight and start downdating instead like these stars..." AOL website

I actually could not get me head round this when I read it. Simply UNBELIEVABLE!!!!

The Gym (Part 2) - Treadmill Rage!

Okay... it has taken me over a year to get to Part 2 of my gym rants, better late than never, as they say. Anyway where was I? Oh yes... What really p*sses me off is when you are minding your own business slogging your guts out on the running machine with no one around you. Then some gibbon saunters over, selects the adjacent machine, does some limbering up exercises within your line of sight, sets the machine to 60mph and then starts pounding away on it so hard that you can feel the vibrations coming up through the machine you are on. Then said gibbon starts sweating profusely and breathing heavily and noisily with whooshing sounds until you are so intensely irritated you have to stop and stalk off. Tossers.

Rant over.

Without A Trace

Without A Trace always seems to be on... and it doesn't seem to matter what channel you happen to be watching up it pops!

As with all these cop programmes the characters always seem to finish each others sentences especially when they are explaining the plot. What I can't believe though is how come someone goes missing for a couple of hours and a team of 5 or 6 top investigators swing into action. Doesn't make sense.

"Spice Girls maybe opening Olympics"

"Remember how impressive the opening ceremony for the Beijing Olympics was? Well, it looks like the British Olympic committee are not to be outdone.Rumour has it that pop mogul Simon Fuller is behind a move to get Sporty, Baby, Ginger, Scary and of course Posh, together in time for the 2012 opening of the London games."-- AOL website

That is just about the most crappiest and retarded ideas I have ever heard. The bloody Spice Girls opening the Olympics. CRAP!

Rant over.

Alien and Joseph Conrad

In last month's Empire magazine was an article about the Alien movies... what I didn't realise was all the Joseph Conrad references in the films.

1) The ore-hauler in Alien is named Nostromo after Conrad's novel. The novel itself is named after its lead character.

2) Ripley escapes the Nostromo in the shuttle Narcissus, named after Conrad's novella The Nigger of Narcissus.

3) The town in which Conrad's Nostromo is set is Sulaco, a name James Cameron gave the Colonial Marine's ship in Aliens to maintain the Conradian theme.

Cannot believe this!

One of my pet hates is for the unimaginative, herd mentality, scum who drive a BMW... their arrogance of believing they have the right to barge their way past or cut up anyone else on the road. So imagine my disgust whilst perusing the O2 Arena website that I found this...

"BMW Owner VIP Parking
A special offer for BMW Owners, for just £5 extra purchase a VIP parking pass for your event*. With this pass owners are able to park closer to the arena and experience the BMW VIP Walkway.
'Registration
Make
Model
*If the date you require is not available please check back closer to the event date. BMW CARS ONLY. Enter by gate 3, located at the end of Millennium Way. Car Park opens 1 and a half hours before doors to The O2 arena. All cars MUST vacate the car park no later than 1 and a half hours after the event finishes. Please note BMW VIP Parking is only available for events in The O2 arena."-- O2 Arena website

Soooo... let me get this right. W*nkers who drive a BMW can park closer to the arena. BMW CARS ONLY. Beggars belief.

Rant over.

"A Lustful Yeti...?"

"A lustful Yeti was captured on camera at the start of September, ogling holidaymakers in Poland. Teenager Justyna Folger was paddling in her bikini when she noticed the creature spying on her. According to the Sun, Justyna said: "At first I thought it was a bear but it appeared to be stooping, and then it raised itself on to two legs and ran off. I couldn't believe it."
One week earlier Piotr Kowalski, 27, claimed to have filmed a "monstrous, hairy creature" (not pictured) while walking in the nearby Tatra Mountains. "I saw this huge ape-like form hiding behind the rocks. When I saw it, it was like being struck by a thunderbolt. I never really believed the local stories of a wild mountain ape-man. But now I do."-- MSN website

Wouldn't it be terrific if Yetis really existed! Or even the Loch Ness monster. Imagine the news headlines...

The X Factor falls apart...

It looks like Simon Cowell's cash cow is being cocked up by the good ol' British public. The utterly crap Jon and Edward (though perversely watchable) are being voted back week after week at the expense of better contestants. The John Sargent Effect eh?

I also read that Mr Cowell had been subtly having Westlife's latest single played in the background during earlier episodes so as to encourage people to go and buy it... of course being Westlife it isn't an original song - it's a cover. Typical.

Lastly... they of course had to mention that Cheryl Cole was now at number 1 in the charts - thanks once again to Simon Cowell having her perform live on last weeks show. Talk about manipulating the market.

Rant over.

New Doctor Who Logo

I quite like the new Doctor Who logo... probably a good idea to give the series a fresh new look for when Matt Smith takes over from David Tennent. Of course all the DW merchandise will have to be rebranded!

What a nice man Mr. Ecclestone is... NOT!

"In June, F1 supremo Bernie Ecclestone said there would definitely be a British Grand Prix in 2012, and that it would be at Silverstone if Donington failed to come through. But more recently he has backtracked and said it is not certain there will definitely be a Grand Prix in Britain next year at all." -- BBC news website.

Such a pleasant, decent chap isn't he? Let's constantly threaten and bully British motorsport... eh?

Rant over.

"Cole set for singles chart record"

"X Factor judge Cheryl Cole's first solo single is on course to become the year's biggest-seller so far, the Official Charts Company (OCC) has said.
Fight For This Love sold more copies on its first day than Alexandra Burke's single Bad Boys"-- BBC News website

A sad state of affairs if you ask me. Someone with little talent, who mimes and gets free advertising on The X Factor... and straight to number 1 she goes.

No sympathy for postmen...

With the news that Royal Mail are recruiting 30,000 temporary staff to assist in the backlog of mail... and of course break the two day postal strike that will be occurring later this week I can't help thinking that the postmen have effectively committed themselves to employment suicide. Didn't it occur to these idiots that during the current economic climate it would be unwise to take

strike action. Do they honestly believe they are going to receive any sympathy from the general public... I don't think so!!! Apparently 80,000 people applied for the temporary work so that says a lot. Of course we will all pay the price because ultimately the "universal" service will have to be scrapped and we will all be paying a lot more for postal services.

Rant over.

Low Energy Light Bulbs

The Hammond Abode seems to be at the epicentre of the Continuous Conking Out Effect when it comes to light bulbs. Our living room was illuminated by two large soft white 60w bulbs which retailed at £2.95 (or thereabouts) from John Lewis. Now thanks to the change in EU law it costs £7.95 for a new low energy equivalent... and the bloody things start off dim when you switch them on. Great. Maybe I'm cynical, but does it really cost over 100% more to manufacture these things?

Rant over.

Where The Wild Things Are

I've read a couple of reviews of the new cinematic version of Where The Wild Things Are and they reckon this film is incredible... it pulls such an emotional punch you will come out of the cinema blubbering without knowing the reason why...

I'm intrigued.

The Ridiculous Ice Cube...

Deary, deary me... I caught a bit of the dreadful xXx2 the other night. This Ice Cube bloke... is he supposed to be a hardman or something? Are we supposed to think he looks tough? Looks like a fat prat to me. An utterly ridiculous, talentless, pompous looking dickhead. It's the expression that gets me... makes you want to laugh in his face. Look at it again! Ha, ha, ha... TW*T!

Rant over.

Love Happens

N seems to be in the driving seat when it comes to film selection at the cinema recently. The latest film we saw was Love Happens a completely non-descript sort of love story. The ubiquitous Jennifer Aniston does very little. Martin Sheen makes a couple of appearances and that's about it. However the excellent Aaron Eckhart shines through and manages to hold the film together. The plot is Eckhart's wife was killed in a car crash, he blames himself (we find out he was driving late on), he writes a self help book about getting on with your life which becomes a bestseller, he meets Aniston, falls for her, together they find out he still hasn't confronted his grief etc... and that is largely it. Needless to say everything works out in the end in a sick making way. Eckhart is great. Rest of the film is shite.

Rating: 5/10 (Eckhart: 10/10)

SERCO use cloned workmen

A company you notice quite a bit these days is SERCO. Their logo seems to adorn all sorts of commercial vehicles. Rubbish collection, council maintenance etc. In fact if you take a look at their website you can see they have their fingers in a lot of pies... almost certainly have hundreds of senior councillors in their pockets - a bit like that other company Capita (set up TfL, run exam companies... boss donated £1 million to Labour Party - that sort of thing)... anyway I digress - I was walking pass a load of SERCO workman who were fiddle-arsing around putting up some signs or lamp posts or something when I suddenly realised they all looked the bloody same. There were at least half a dozen of these proto-hominids and all of them were of slobby build and all with shaven heads. Weird... I reckon the recruitment requirements must be "only bald primates need apply"

Rant over.

Hedge Fund Greed

Great isn't it!... Today it was announced that 1,700 people face the chop at British Airways. Pay freezes in the public sector or pay cuts in other areas of business. So what do a load of those nice Hedge Fund companies threaten to do?... We don't believe in paying more tax to help people and help the country. We "earn" astronomical sums in comparison to anyone else and we certainly don't won't to pay a bit more tax, we certainly weren't to blame for the banking crises (although we take huge gambles with vast amounts of other people's money) so we're going to bugger off to Switzerland where everything is still deregulated. ARSEH*LES.

Rant over.

On thinking about it... he must be sh*gging her

Sinitta

It wouldn't be the same if I didn't rant about The X Factor every year... and 2009 will be no exception. I've just been watching tonight's show and couldn't help feelling a bit incredulous about who the judges pick as their assistants. Ronan Keating (as much as I loathe him), Kylie Minogue and Will Young I can accept as being credible assistant judges. BUT Sinitta... I bet the contestants didn't even know who the hell she was!! She didn't even offer any helpful comments... just sat there nodding her head. I could have done that...! I wonder how much she got paid for appearing? Ridiculous...

Rant over.

Derren Brown... yet again!

Bloody 'ell I really don't know why I keep watching The Events. The latest and I think it is the last show had Mr Brown claiming he could work out where the ball would land on a roulette wheel by mentally calculating angles and speeds etc. (which would be the only way of predicting the outcome).

The bit that bugged me was before he did the roulette thing. He pulled two people out of the audience, placed two matchboxes in front of them, one containing a £20 note, the other empty. The two people then had two chances to switch the boxes etc. Anyway Brown said right from the beginning that the bloke from the audience would win by correctly selecting the matchbox with the £20 (hope you are still following me?) Anyway the girl won because her box had the £20 however Brown then went on to say "Unfold the £20 note and read what is on front of it" The written message was "You must give the £20 to the other person". Hang on a minute!!! I immediately thought... if the guy had selected the correct box Brown wouldn't have mentioned the message on the £20. Pathetic trick!

Then we had all this ridiculous tripe about how he just hypnotised this member of the public and "suggested" that this person withdraw £5,000 in cash for him to bet on the wheel. The cash donor didn't remotely look convincing. Then there was a surreal bit in a casino and Derren Brown lost the bet and the programme finished abruptly... weird!

Lucky this random cash donor had £5,000 he could easily withraw. I don't know I found The Events rather disappointing.

Audrey Tautou

Engrossed in an old issue of Empire Magazine I discovered a pompous interview with the actress Audrey Tautou - she was being questioned about her latest film Coco Avant Chanel.

"I wanted to find a point of view with the director which would excite me totally as an actor"

"What I can see of her in myself is the intelligence and pride..."

"When I'm old enough, I might return to playing her..."

So Audrey your arrogance is nauseating. Not only do you think you are so smart you actually believe someone is going to make another film about some unpleasant woman of no interest - and you think you will be cast to play her again. Deary, deary me Audrey.

Le rant est overt.

Flash Back to Chatsworth House

Last bank holiday weekend we took a break up in The Peak District and on the Sunday we visited Chatsworth House.

The house and gardens are extremely impressive... including the rude statues!

... of course the remake of The Wolfman starring the brilliant Benecio Del Toro was filmed there earlier this year.

Flash Forward

Hmmm... didn't like it. Seemed to be a lot like Heroes with unsympathetic characters. In fact I lost interest about half way through the first episode. Poor in comparison to the brilliant Lost.

Wasps II - The Revenge

I received a frantic call from N this afternoon... "There's a giant wasp in the kitchen!!!" So of course being the heroic husband I drove quickly home to slay the insect intruder. Bloody hell - giant wasp!! It looked like it had come from an old Godzilla film. Actually I reckon it was a hornet because it must have been a couple of inches long (5cm). Anyway armed with the wasp killing foam it received a hosing down. The soddin' thing must have clamped it's mandibles closed because it took a few goes to extricate it from the curtain.

Kitchen Roll II

This is my second rant about kitchen roll... actually it applies to other items you can buy in supermarkets as well. What am I grumbling on about I hear you say? Well during our fortnightly Tesco shopping visit I noticed that they had re-jigged the pricing on their kitchen roll. Previously it had been cheaper (per 100 sheets) to purchase the 4 roll pack rather than the 8 roll pack (rendering the 8 roll pack pointless) now it has been priced so as the 2 roll pack is cheaper than the 4 roll pack which has had its price increased beyond the 8 roll pack as well. The same price trickery had been applied to bottled water (I won't bore you with the specifics). The cheeky sh*ts deliberately keep altering their pricing so as you inadvertently buy the more expensive pack.

Jeezus... just read the above again. This is what happens when you get to 41... you become a boring b*stard.

Rant over.

More Derren Brown...

So did you pick up the image of concentric circles in your mind's eye? I didn't. I thought of the Eiffel Tower. What I want to know is why the woman selected to draw the picture that would hang all week in the Science Museum thought of something as simplistic as concentric circles. She was allowed to draw anything and could change her mind at any point - so why pick something as simple as circles? And then they select this bloke who says he thought of circles and Stone Henge... and low and behold the woman discovered she was being securely held at Stone Henge. Hmmmm...