Off The Cuff Rant No.6

Why is it... whenever you have a set of cheapo cutlery lurking in the kitchen with plastic handles - you can guarantee that one of the forks will come apart! EVERY BLOODY TIME!!!

Rant over.

Give us more money for f*cking it up!

Daybreak duo Adrian Chiles and Christine Bleakley are reported to have told ITV bosses they wanted a full payout to cover the length of their contract if they left the troubled breakfast show early.
But The Mirror reports that the channel has called their bluff by threatening a two-year "career blackout" in which Adrian wouldn't get to present the football and Christine would not get to replace Holly Willoughby on Dancing On Ice.

The duo's management are claimed to have been in negotiations with ITV bosses since their exit from Daybreak was revealed last weekend.

A source was quoted as saying: "There have been some heated behind-the-scenes discussions. If their agent thought he could hold the channel to ransom then he's found that ITV actually holds the trump card. It has been quite fraught." -- AOL website

This pair fall into the same bracket as bosses of large failing companies or banks... ie. f*ck it up and expect a massive payout to leave. WELL YOU UGLY B*STARD CHILES and your talentless "girlfriend". You know where you can go...

Rant over.

Tall foreheads…

I must admit I thoroughly enjoy watching the TV drama series The Good Wife. But one thing I find totally distracting about it - is the actress Elizabeth Reaser (pictured)… it is not just the fact that her character is utterly annoying… it is the fact that her forehead is soooo bloody tall. Every scene she is in I keep staring at her forehead. It is so vertical that it makes you think your telly is on the blink!

Rant over.

Off The Cuff Rant No.5

I see that obnoxious greasy slimeball "Sir" Philip (services to his own pocket) Green has announced he may close 250 of his stores because profits have fallen by 40% this year.

I would be most aggrieved if I worked for the greedy f*ck as he is infamous for pocketing massive chunks of Arcadia's profits... and of course he also pays bugger all in taxes.

Why not pay some of those profits back into your business - Toad Face - and keep people employed?

Rant over.

Off The Cuff Rant No.4

I usually catch the end of Pointless when I get back from work... and apart from the fact that hardly anyone ever wins and even if they do the prize money is pathetic - I can't help thinking that the "100" people they question are exceptionally intelligent, in fact abnormally so... clearly not from Essex then!

Rant over.

Off The Cuff Rant No.3

Just been watching the new TV series Pan Am and can't help wondering how air travel has detoriated ever since. Imagine if they did a spin-off and called it... Ryan Air.

Rant over.

It reminded me...

All that business about the Home Secretary not knowing about border checks being relaxed and the subsequent suspension/sacking of the UK Border Force boss made me think of a scene from the incredibly funny, classic film Airplane.

I don't know if you can remember it... but I'm thinking of the sequence where you see a procession of rather obvious looking terrorists walking through the airport security scanner carrying all manner of bulky and noticeable weapons like rocket launchers and bazookas and not getting stopped.

If you listened to the reports it gave you the impression that exactly the same thing was happening in the UK... but for real!

What a load of rubbish!!

Rant over.

Yeah right Freddie...

I haven't watched any of this years Celebrity Get Me Out of Here... but I did read this morning that Freddie Starr has retired from the show after a couple of days due to ill health - although the programme's doctors couldn't find anything physically wrong with him.

It reminds me a bit of his sh*t performance on that other series Dancing On Ice where he went out immediately due to not bothering to practice.

Seems to me... Freddie... that you make a habit of bailing out very quickly from these programmes after no doubt collecting a big fat cheque - for doing sweet FA!

Rant over.

Off The Cuff Rant No.2

Don't you just love it when people you don't know drop into conversation that they drive a BMW or they own an iPad (or both). Obviously doing it to impress... but in reality making themselves look a complete and utter TIT.

Rant over.

Off The Cuff Rant No.1

Is it the intention of every f*cker out of McFly to appear on a reality TV series? Because it sure seems like it. One of them is in Strictly and now I see there is another one in Celebrity. What next? X Factor?

Rant over.