"Thank heaven for little girls..."

Now don't get me wrong I don't personally have anything against the late Maurice Chevalier... but what the f*ck were HSBC thinking when they used Thank Heaven for Little Girls in their latest TV ad? Chevalier sounds like a pervy frog paedo... the whole shebang sounds wrong on so many levels. Retards.

Rant over.

Off The Cuff Rant No.14

Why do London's bus drivers think they deserve a hefty bonus for doing their jobs during the Olympics? Well we know the real reason is that they don't want to be left out when they can see the tube driving scum are being paid extra. But what exactly will they be doing that is "extra"? Sitting in a traffic jam with a full bus... the same as everyday. So why a bonus? Retards.

Rant over.

Off The Cuff Rant No.13

I'll tell you what really wound me up the other day... a radio advert by Thames Water that warned people that hose pipe restrictions were still in place and even though it has p*ssed down every day for the last six weeks we are still in a drought situation and we must conserve water. Patronising f*ckers! No!! Why don't they reduce the number of leaking pipes and build more reservoirs or does that mean them investing money rather than paying themselves big fat bonuses.

Rant over.

Tony Travers...?

What is it with BBC London News?... It seems that every day, whatever the news article or subject - they wheel out the f*cker in the photo: "Professor" Tony Travers from the London School of Economics - and get the b*st*rd to comment. What is he? Resident expert on everything?? TWAT.

Rant over.

The Avengers...

or to give it's daft UK title Marvel's Avengers Assemble, presumably decided upon so as not to confuse the British public with the 60s TV series of the same title.

I have been waiting to see this film for ages... well ever since the first Iron Man film was released four or five years ago. Everything has been leading up to this movie. Both Iron Man films, The Incredible Hulk, Thor and Captain America. Each with an end credit epilogue scene designed to whet the appetite ready for The Avengers.

Well this film certainly delivers. I thought Robert Downey Jr would over dominate the proceedings - but in fact he doesn't. All the main characters have time devoted to them and everyone's motivations are put across well. I loved the way Steve Rogers eases himself in to be leader but not without having to bicker with Tony Stark en route.

I am not going to explain the plot (not that there is much of a plot) but I did love the humour. Especially humour involving the Hulk and the most laugh out loud moment is a scene where he beats up Loki and growls "Puny god". Tom Hiddleston who portrays Loki is superb and is probably the best character in the whole film. He exudes evil but you do feel sympathy for him. Very impressive!

Of course as with the other Marvel films you must stay for the end credit epilogue which reveals that Thanos is likely to be the villain in  The Avengers 2.

If you haven't seen it already I urge you to take a trip to the cinema... NOW!

Rating: 8.75/10

PS. on a separate note I would like to announce that this my 1,000th posting to The Hammond Rants

Cape Town VII - Part 3

This year we celebrated our wedding anniversary by dining at Sevruga which is situated on The Waterfront. N had calamari as a starter followed by steak for her main and a chocolate fondant for dessert whereas I scoffed down risotto cheese balls for starters, de-boned ribs for main and cheese cake for dessert. The restaurant whilst serving excellent food was still inferior to The One & Only where we have dined for the previous two years.

Whilst we were polishing off our desserts we observed a couple on a neighbouring table who couldn't pay their bill. It looked like his credit card wouldn't work. Seemed very odd to me and the restaurant manager was there talking to them for ages before we overheard the man saying he would contact the bank the following day.

To be continued.

The Hunger Games

I started off being impressed with The Hunger Games which did have an intriguing beginning - however as the story progressed I found it gradually turned into The Running Man spliced with Battle Royale (which were heavily plagiarised by the author).

Having said all that I thought the acting was pretty top notch and you do come away rooting for the heroine. It could have ended more on a downer but clearly two or three sequels are intended judging from what I've read about the books.

The only thing that did occur to me about the whole concept was why do the "rich" from The Capitol bother watching a TV programme so avidly about the "teenage peasants" running around a wood killing each other... but maybe I'm a bit of a nitpicker.

Anyway... I would certainly recommend seeing it and I'll probably go and see any further parts to the saga.

Right all I have to do is skim a few ideas other people have come up with... copy them and make a mint!

Rating: 8/10

Cape Town VII - Part 2

Easter Sunday entailed a visit to church where it was announced that our twin daughters were to be christened the following weekend. After the service we headed back to the B's for lunch which consisted of an excellent crayfish curry amongst other things.

After pigging out for a couple of hours we had a shortbreak before heading off for afternoon tea at The One and Only. I must admit by then I was completely stuffed and could only manage a dozen or so cakes washed down by about forty seven cups of tea!

Needless to say... I skipped dinner that evening.

To be continued...

Cape Town VII - Part 1

Saturday, 7th April we arrived in a very wet Cape Town. With the twins accompanying us for the first time we of course had to fly direct by British Airways. The thought of taking our 3 month old children indirect via Dubai was a definite no-no!

We travelled by taxi to Heathrow, leaving the child seats with the driver ready for when he would come to pick us up on our return. Our first irritation was trying to get through security as in our hand luggage we had baby milk in cartons. The tossers would not let us take it through unless I tasted 50% of what we were carrying, which meant we had to open 4 cartons for me to convince them it wasn't poison! I really cannot understand the point of this ruling... little Hitler jobsworth f*ckers!

At last we cleared security and took a row of seats in departures. We fed the twins and it was whilst we were sorting ourselves out a typically large group of Japanese tourists came wandering through and took up residence around us. One Jap woman actually stood by us staring at the girls for a good twenty minutes... talk about disconcerting! I was getting to the point where I wanted to tell her to go away and stare at someone else.

The flight went far better than I expected with both babies sleeping quietly in their cots in front of us. The prat sitting next to me was clearly p*ssed off at the thought of sitting near to two babies and I suspect as he was a lanky f*cker he was expecting to have a nice bit of legroom.

During the flight I watched only one movie which was Immortals... I had remembered this film when it came out at the cinema and was one on my backburner list. It starred Henry Cavill (the new Superman in the forthcoming Man of Steel) and Mickey Rourke... and was utter shite. I couldn't really tell you what was going on. Rating: 4/10)
The B's and N's mom met us at the airport and swiftly transported us back home in the pouring rain. This year we were borrowing CB's car and renting him one in exchange so as he could get to work... making it considerably cheaper for us. We didn't need to pick up the hire car therefore until after the weekend.

After we arrived, N went to the hairdressers during the afternoon whilst I "relaxed" with the twins. Dinner that evening was at my mother-in-law's. And sooo... to bed!

To be continued...

Pointless Pandas...

"Britain's only pandas have run out of time to mate as their limited breeding season drew to a close.
Tian Tian and Yang Guang had a window of just 36 hours to mate and despite "natural sparks" flying between them, the pair did not do the deed.
Keepers at Edinburgh Zoo hoped for one final chance to put them together on Thursday but test results late Wednesday night showed a drop in the female bear's hormone levels" -- MSN website

When you think about it, Pandas are the most f*cking useless creatures on the Earth. They really don't do themselves any favours do they? They're fussy eaters and fussy shaggers. No wonder the bloody things are practically extinct.

Rant over.