Auld Lang Syne

Should auld acquaintance be forgot, 
And never brought to mind? 
Should auld acquaintance be forgot, 
And auld lang syne! 

Chorus.-For auld lang syne, my dear, 
For auld lang syne. 
We'll tak a cup o' kindness yet, 
For auld lang syne. 

And surely ye'll be your pint stowp! 
And surely I'll be mine! 
And we'll tak a cup o'kindness yet, 
For auld lang syne. 
For auld, &c. 

We twa hae run about the braes, 
And pou'd the gowans fine; 
But we've wander'd mony a weary fit, 
Sin' auld lang syne. 
For auld, &c. 

We twa hae paidl'd in the burn, 
Frae morning sun till dine; 
But seas between us braid hae roar'd 
Sin' auld lang syne. 
For auld, &c. 

And there's a hand, my trusty fere! 
And gie's a hand o' thine! 
And we'll tak a right gude-willie waught, 
For auld lang syne. 
For auld, &c.

GIBBERISH!

Rant over

Dartford Crossing

I seem to remember when the Dartford Bridge was first opened the intention was to only have to pay a toll until the construction of the bridge had been paid for.

Now god knows how many years later and how many times over the bridge has been paid for - the f*ckers have closed the toll booths, made people pay online and kept a toll of £2.50.

Why?

Oh yes... Just to keep exploiting a captive market and ripping people off!

Rant over.

The Hobbit: The Battle of The Five Armies

I have not been a particular fan of the first two films in this padded out trilogy, unlike The Lord of the Rings which I thought was utterly brilliant.

In this third and final instalment we immediately start with Smaug's fiery attack on Laketown which is quite impressive but very predictable (even if you haven't read the book). In fact it is only at the end of Smaug's assault and demise that we see the subtitle “The Battle of the Five Armies” appear on the screen.

I think what these films lack in comparison with their predecessors are interesting characters. Martin Freeman as Bilbo Baggins feels like a supporting character rather than the titular Hobbit! The dwarves (apart from Richard Armitage as Thorin) are all indistinguishable and to be honest I couldn't have given a toss as to who was who. Vast geographical distances seem to be crossed in the blink of an eye and there is a plethora of extra material (and extra characters such as Tauriel) that was never in the book. And what the hell were those Dunesque giant worms the orcs had access to?

The battle itself reminded me very much of the final conflict in Return of the King complete with cave trolls. Peter Jackson manages to shoehorn Galadriel, Elrond and Saruman again into the proceedings (although I'm sure that couldn't have been Christopher Lee in physical combat with the Nazgul).

To be honest I think the best character by a country mile was Thorin Oakenshield (Richard Armitage) even if he did look a bit like the Klingon warrior Gowron from Star Trek: The Next Generation. He produces the best performance and he made me feel sympathetic to his cause and to his internal conflict over failing to keep his word in repaying Bard and the people of Laketown.

The script is predictable in a lot of places and I felt as if it was lazily written. “There has been enough fighting!” Yawn.

The Battle of the Five Armies is an entertaining film... But it ain't that good.

What it missed or I should say who it missed was: Viggo Mortensen!

Rating: 7/10

Uber alles?

If I want to use a taxi (usually to get home), I'll go to a taxi rank and maybe join a queue or maybe just get straight into a cab. I won't f*cking start using an app on my phone! IT IS NOT IMPORTANT ENOUGH!!!

But what astounds me is that Uber a company vilified by cab drivers from all over the world and a company that just parasites itself off of the back of taxi drivers from all over the world is valued at £25 billion!!!

£25,000,000,000... How is that possible?

That's probably more money than the entire world's population of taxi drivers makes in a lifetime.

Utterly ridiculous!

Rant over.

It's all about me (Part 4) - Zoella

1) I appear in horrendously tedious videos on YouTube talking about myself.

2) I shamelessly product place in these videos (undoubtedly getting handsomely paid for it).

3) I have over 6 million followers most of whom seem to adore me (their comments always seem to end with a link to their own blogs funnily enough).

4) I have written a novel (ha ha ha!) and have plugged it wherever and whenever possible.

5) Girl Online has become the most successful "debut" novel by an "author" beating J K Rowling.

6) Oh... I didn't actually write the novel myself it was ghostwritten by someone else in six weeks.

7) I'm so embarrassed I've been caught out I'm taking time off to clear my head.

8) Twelve hours later "I'm not actually quitting the Internet" (a lot more money to make yet!)

9) I have a smug looking prat of a boyfriend who also videos drivel and has more followers than me.

And so it goes on...

Seriously though - what depresses me is how someone can gain so much success and considerable wealth (no doubt) from so little skill and talent. Try and watch some of her videos - they are bloody awful!

Rant over.

Smashed repeatedly with the ugly sledgehammer...

JEEZUS H CHRIST!!!

Mick Hucknall and Ed Sheeran... You are too repulsive for words!

Rant over.

Spectre

2015 has a shedload of blockbusters being released... one of which is the 24th James Bond film which we now know will be entitled: Spectre.

I like it!

So does that mean Blofeld will return?

Stephen Hawking: Artificial intelligence could end human race

"The eminent British physicist Stephen Hawking warns that the development of intelligent machines could pose a major threat to humanity.

"The development of full artificial intelligence (AI) could spell the end of the human race," Hawking told the BBC."

Been watching the Terminator films have you Stephen?

Good grief!

Rant over.

Ha ha... You're so funny Ant & Dec!

Another one of those things that I find very annoying is the sound of laughter you hear in the background when those masters of mediocrity Ant & Dec are presenting and telling crappy jokes on I'm a Celebrity.

Who the f*ck are those a*selicking toadies chortling off camera?

Shutttttt uppppp!

Rant over.