Who are these fat people?

I wonder if they ask fat people walking in the street whether they want to appear in TV news reports (from the neck down of course) about the increase in obesity or whether they just shoot random footage of blobbers going about their daily business and hope they don't get caught?

Must be the latter... I can't imagine a reporter asking a porker: "Hey tubs! Fancy appearing on the News at Ten tonight?"

Second Sin City

I don't think a sequel or prequel was required to Sin City... but blimey Eva Green's character poster for the new film is pretty hot to say the least!

Who cares what you think Alesha...

Is Alesha Dixon's opinion worth anything on Britains Got Talent...?

NO IT ISN'T!!!

And you can see it on their faces that none of the acts could give toss what this non-entity thinks about them.

Rant over.

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice

So we finally discover the title of the Man of Steel sequel... although it doesn't seem to be a sequel judging by the number of characters in it, more a prologue to a Justice League film

Hmmmm... underwhelmed.

Godzilla (2014)

I could see exactly what Gareth Edwards was trying to achieve with this latest version of the iconic "King of Monsters" Godzilla.

Our favourite monster is the balancing force of nature - out to right the wrongs of the radioactive Mutos who are out to destroy the world. The look of Godzilla himself is absolutely spot on. The destruction is impressive... But... The acting is: SHIT!

Aaron Taylor-Whatever his name is - is appalling. And I would go as far as saying he effectively ruins the film. He is utterly dreadful. Most of the other actors are crap too. You come away thinking I could not give a toss whether they live or die - it is that bad.

Another thing I realised was none of the characters seemed scared at the sight of 100m tall monsters slugging it out in the middle of San Francisco. Wouldn't you be gawping in amazement at what was unfolding in front of you? Nope... Not the people in this film.

I did like the traditional ending of Godzila swimming off ready to fight another day!

Could have been so much better.

Rating: 6/10

VII

I've a bad feeling about this!

I love the original trilogy and I certainly hope that this will be every bit as good... but I'm not a fan of J J Abrams who I consider to be completely overated.

Anyway I hope I'm wrong but at least filming has started on the new Star Wars.

H R Giger: 1940 - 2014

Modern Family

This is easily the funniest programme on TV. The writing and the acting are superb with my personal favourites being Cameron and Phil.

If you haven't seen it already then I urge you to tune in to Sky 1 and laugh your head off.

Brilliant.

Rating: 10/10

Dodgy rope bridges

Why is it in films whenever there is a very deep chasm to cross there is only ever a dilapidated rope bridge spanning it. The sort with knackered wooden floor slats and frayed rope.

Doesn't anyone maintain these things?

Rant over.

View from The Shard

Last week I took a day off from work and we travelled into London to take a View from The Shard. £25 gets you to the top of Europe's tallest skyscraper... which I suppose is a bit steep (no pun intended) - but at least you can stay up there as long as you like. It takes two ear popping lifts to reach the summit and there are two observation levels with the higher one being exposed to the elements.

The view was very impressive and although the sky was overcast we could see quite a distance. I found it quite mesmerising watching the trains departing and arriving from London Bridge snaking their way Southwards along tracks that stretched into infinity (how poetic).

What was a real p*ss take was what they were charging for the cheesey photograph they took of you on your way up. £25 in a card photo holder, £38 in a flashier frame. Rip off merchants.

Afterwards we had lunch at Aquashard which was rather disappointing. The food was okay but the service was slow and not what you would expect from a restaurant in such an exclusive location. I think I would have preferred having lunch at one of the stalls at nearby Borough Market.

Having said all that it is well worth going.

Rating: 8/10

Skullcracker... more like headcase!

How is it that some lunatic nutjob armed robber who was serving thirteen life sentences absconds from an open prison?

What sort of d*ckhead would let someone out as dangerous as that? I bet G4S were involved somewhere along the line!

It beggars belief!!

Rant over.

MegaFatBastard.com

Looks like a fat git to me!

Now let me get this right... The prat above, an idiot who calls himself Kim Dotcom, used to be a computer hacker who then started up a company where people could upload bootlegged films and other copyrighted material they had stolen - with no questions asked. He then emigrated to New Zealand after his company, MegaUpload, was shutdown due to the aforementioned piracy. He is now in the process of defending himself from being extradited back to his native USA. He has had to give up some of his wealth ie. mansions and cars etc. but has received some of it back. He has started up another company called Mega (subtle eh?) which basically does the same thing and is apparently worth $100,000,000 (why?)

Now to be honest I'm not sure I could really give a toss (although I do think it is very wrong to encourage the piracy of films and music etc). But when you look at the photo above of this ugly, arrogant and obnoxious tub of lard you can't help but think...

Send the f*cker down for twenty years!

Rant over

In a small space...

I agreed to witness a signature the other day and it hit me how ridiculously small the box was on the form where you have to fill in your address. Good job I don't live at: Antidisestablishmentarianism Avenue, Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch,

Rant over.