Wanted

I had been intending to watch this film for sometime and when I finally noticed it was on last weekend I ended up missing the beginning. Anyway I stuck with it for a bit and after dozing off a couple of times (yes it was that good) I found myself wide awake during the scene with the derailed express train. What I couldn't get my head around was how we were supposed to sympathise with the hero (James McAvoy). He jumps aboard a train chasing after his family's killer with revenge on his mind. After a ridiculous firefight where the combatants can swerve bullets and several innocent bystanders are gunned down, the train ends up hanging off a bridge which seems to be about 5 miles up in the air. The gunplay continues... carriages full of more innocent bystanders plunge to oblivion. McAvoy is about to fall. His opponent saves him. McAvoy shoots him. Opponent reveals he is McAvoy's father (Darth Vader style) and he was trying to save him and NOT kill him. Opponent dies. McAvoy realises his mistake. What the f*ck? About 2,000 passengers must have lost there lives in the process!! Okay I know it is only film but please there must be some kind of credibility. What a load of sh*te!

Rating: 2/10... utter crap.

PS. Ange and the smug Morgan Freeman were b*ll*cks too.

Average Speed Cameras

The latest irritation to afflict me are the average speed cameras that are situated at both ends of the roadworks under the Hatfield Tunnel. Now you are probably thinking I am going to slag off the cameras... I ain't! In fact I think they are a good idea. What makes me hackles rise are the scumbag b*stards that flagrantly ignore the limit... and guess what cars they tend to be driving? Yep... you've guessed it - BMWs. I can guarantee you that when you drive through that tunnel at 40mph (the speed limit) some w*nker in a BMW will accelerate past you and then cut you up to get off at the next junction. Every f*cking time it seems to happen. EVERY F*CKING TIME!!!

Rant over.

ATP Tennis Finals

I have never been to the O2 before, but that changed last Thursday evening when N and I saw Juan Martin Del Potro defeat Roger Federer during the evening session (much to N's annoyance as she is a staunch Federer supporter).

As I've said previously I have never had an avid interest in tennis, however I have greatly enjoyed the trips to Wimbledon we have made in the past. This match though blitzed what I had seen at Wimbledon. You can really see the difference between the top players and the wannabes. The speed they move at is incredible, okay there are probably more aces scored than long rallies, but hey... it doesn't get better than this!

Also... I saw where you went for BMW VIP parking!

Brawn GP / Mercedes Benz Motorsport

I'm not too sure what to think about this... Last year Ross Brawn buys the ailing Honda team, makes half the workforce redundant, then manages to create a championship winning car, promptly wins the constructors title and the drivers title through Jenson Button. Button pledges his allegiance to remain at Brawn GP - then is suddenly recruited by McLaren to partner Lewis Hamilton. Rubens Barrichello also leaves for Williams. Ross Brawn then sells 75% of his team to Mercedes Benz, who then rename the team and presto... suddenly Nico Rosberg is taken on as a driver. So this team technically lasted for one year and Mr Brawn must have made an absolute packet. I wonder how the remaining Honda/Brawn employees are feeling? Mercedes are a German company. They have recruited a German driver. They are looking to resurrect the dreaded (and cheating) Michael Schumacher who is German. There is a common theme isn't there? Wouldn't surprise me to hear "Auf Wiedershen" to the remaining UK workforce. I think Mr Brawn has sold you all down the river...

Rant over.

Children In Need

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not going to rant about donating money to charity. The purpose of this rant is against the non-entities involved in presenting it. A lot of people praise "Sir" Terry Wogan for his hosting skills. All I see is a pompous, smug prat with a wig on counting the cash he gets paid by the BBC. Yes he can be amusing (Eurovision for instance) but for the love of god I really don't see any talent at all. Alesha Dixon... what the f*ck is she about?? Did you see the way she was interviewing people? Shove the microphone in their face, give them 1 nanosecond to say something, snatch the oversized plastic cheque and speak all over the person or completely ignore them. Of course a lot of these companies that make big donations simply have to have the company name printed very large on the cheque just to get a bit of advertising... and it amuses me when a couple of companies present cheques at the same time. Company A donates £45,000 then Company B donates 28,000 "Oh shit" says Company B "we look tightfisted" Then we get newsreaders doing a musical number, followed by the cast of Casualty doing a comedy sketch. And lastly... I don't like Pudsey Bear.

Rant over.

New ITV chief 'mulling pay-TV move'

"ITV's new chairman is considering charging viewers for some of its channels as part of a complete overhaul of the broadcaster, it has been reported...

The broadcaster's stable of digital channels - ITV2, ITV3 and ITV4 - could all be switched over from Freeview to subscription-only platforms, the reports said." -- AOL website

So let me get this right... Archie Norman, the chief of ITV thinks that people are going to pay money to watch ITV2, 3 and 4. Is this bloke a retard? Does anyone even watch those channels?? I don't think so!

Rant over.

Twilight

Since we had a Sky+ box installed I've been watching more films on the telly... the latest "blockbuster" I caught was Twilight. Okay so maybe I am not a member of the target audience for this film, but when you have a vampire flick you expect to have throats being ripped out and nasty nosferatu biting the dust every so often. None of that in this film... just a substandard love story plot and "vegetarian" vamps.

Poor.

Rating: 4/10

Death Race... Doomsday... Dreadful

I watched both of these films the other day courtesy of Sky Movies. What can I say both films are not exactly the greatest... in fact not to beat about the bush - they are shite. Which is a shame because in the case of Doomsday you have a great director (Neil Marshall) who directed the excellent Dog Soldiers, The Descent plus the forthcoming Centurion. Doomsday though is b*ll*cks. The story rips off Escape From New York, Aliens and Mad Max... and not very well either. But the biggest handicap must be the supremely untalented Rhona Mitra (see pic above), a woman so excruciatingly bad at acting my left foot could actually do better. I believe Rhona previously "starred" in one of the crap Underworld sequels replacing the equally banal Kate Beckinsale.

And as for Jason Statham... talk about "B" rate mediocrity. This bloke has had a serious charisma bypass. Basically, a balding thug... I really cannot think of any redeeming feature. Mind you I wouldn't want to meet him on a dark night because I'm sure he can beat seven kinds of you know what out of me.

Once again I'm confronted with the same question... "How do these people get given these parts?"

Bizarre.

Doctor Who: The Waters of Mars

Running up and down corridors and using the multi-faceted sonic screwdriver have become all too familiar in the stories written by Russell T Davies... and The Waters of Mars proved to be no exception. The story was similar to a lot of previous Who plots but all in all was pretty good. In fact it was actually quite scary (see the chap in the photo) - and I could imagine there must have been a few kids hiding behind the sofa. The latter stages of this "special" were interesting in that they showed The Doctor in a different light and he displayed flashes of arrogance... being the last Time Lord and all!

David Tennent was of course brilliant but I am now becoming intrigued with how the new regime will tackle the next series. All change and a fresh new look and the disappearance of Russell T maybe exactly what is needed to inject new life.

Rating: 7/10

2012

I thought this film was great!... Unbelievably daft - but great. The whole plot is completely loopy and basically a rehash of Independence Day and The Day After Tomorrow. If you think a lot about how the storyline progresses and the coincidental connections the whole thing is crazy. However for sheer mindless, over the top entertainment I could not fault it. The ludicrous way the main characters escape the ground cracking up behind them in cars and planes is nuts. The director Roland Emmerich goes out of his way again to show various world landmarks being destroyed. The downside of all this action are that the characters are not developed well and there are too many secondary characters you could not give a toss about. But if you want some world shattering entertainment - go and see it!

Rating: 8/10

Kim Woodburn

Looks like a bloke in drag to me... and what is "she" famous for?... WEARING RUBBER GLOVES! - Give me strength.

Rant over.

George Hamilton

So another interminable run of the reality TV series I'm a "Celebrity" Get Me Out Of Here is about to begin... so I thought I would pass comment on the contestants... starting with George Hamilton. Now I haven't got anything against George - but can you remember the films he has been in? Exactly... you can't. Columbo. The Gay Zorro or some such title. And what is with the ridiculous tan? Sorry George you are really scraping the barrel and you look a complete prat.

Rant over.

"My dog has no nose..."

Daniella Westbrook

By far the worst actress there is... utterly terrible!!!

Words fail me.

Minor weirdness...

I dunno... It seems to me that Welwyn Garden City is becoming more and more like Twin Peaks everyday. Ever since I have lived here someone has been trying to sell two Morris Minors by parking them in various laybys with "FOR SALE" signs up. 6 years have elapsed and still they haven't been sold!!! Wouldn't you have thought by now they would have given up? Surely the owner could have sold them by advertising in a classic car mag or on the Internet! Nope too bloody obvious. Burk.

Rant over.

Oh good grief... Lemsip Toxik is at it again!!!

I simply don't believe this... the ugly tw*t has been dumped again... BY A LINGERIE MODEL!!!

"OK, now form an orderly queue please ladies, because it seems that Britain's most eligible bachelor Lembit Opik is back on the market again.The Lib Dem MP, who has dated a string of improbably glamorous women including weathergirl Sian Lloyd and a Cheeky Girl, has split up with his latest flame - lingerie model Katie Green.News of the split was made public this week when Lembit was attending a comedy show by Frank Skinner.The comedian spotted the MP in the audience and called him up on stage - asking him if he was single - to which he replied: "Yes, I am unfortunately."He and Katie, who at 22 was half his age, were claimed to have met at a cocktail party and gone on to enjoy a string of intimate dates.They were even pictured together at condom maker Durex's 80th birthday party, jointly clutching a goodie bag.It saddens us to think that the contents may still be sitting unused on his bedside table.Perhaps Lembit needs to stop punching above his weight and start downdating instead like these stars..." AOL website

I actually could not get me head round this when I read it. Simply UNBELIEVABLE!!!!

The Gym (Part 2) - Treadmill Rage!

Okay... it has taken me over a year to get to Part 2 of my gym rants, better late than never, as they say. Anyway where was I? Oh yes... What really p*sses me off is when you are minding your own business slogging your guts out on the running machine with no one around you. Then some gibbon saunters over, selects the adjacent machine, does some limbering up exercises within your line of sight, sets the machine to 60mph and then starts pounding away on it so hard that you can feel the vibrations coming up through the machine you are on. Then said gibbon starts sweating profusely and breathing heavily and noisily with whooshing sounds until you are so intensely irritated you have to stop and stalk off. Tossers.

Rant over.

Without A Trace

Without A Trace always seems to be on... and it doesn't seem to matter what channel you happen to be watching up it pops!

As with all these cop programmes the characters always seem to finish each others sentences especially when they are explaining the plot. What I can't believe though is how come someone goes missing for a couple of hours and a team of 5 or 6 top investigators swing into action. Doesn't make sense.

"Spice Girls maybe opening Olympics"

"Remember how impressive the opening ceremony for the Beijing Olympics was? Well, it looks like the British Olympic committee are not to be outdone.Rumour has it that pop mogul Simon Fuller is behind a move to get Sporty, Baby, Ginger, Scary and of course Posh, together in time for the 2012 opening of the London games."-- AOL website

That is just about the most crappiest and retarded ideas I have ever heard. The bloody Spice Girls opening the Olympics. CRAP!

Rant over.

Alien and Joseph Conrad

In last month's Empire magazine was an article about the Alien movies... what I didn't realise was all the Joseph Conrad references in the films.

1) The ore-hauler in Alien is named Nostromo after Conrad's novel. The novel itself is named after its lead character.

2) Ripley escapes the Nostromo in the shuttle Narcissus, named after Conrad's novella The Nigger of Narcissus.

3) The town in which Conrad's Nostromo is set is Sulaco, a name James Cameron gave the Colonial Marine's ship in Aliens to maintain the Conradian theme.