Christmas Day (Part 2)

Cadbury's Dairy Milk has a cocoa content of 28%. If you are using an Argos Cookworks chocolate fountain you need chocolate that ideally has a cocoa content of at least 40%. We discovered this on the afternoon of the 25th December, when the said fountain kept seizing up. MO, JO and GO arrived first followed by TS and NS at 6pm - just in time to watch the Christmas Doctor Who special The Next Doctor.

Doctor Who was pretty good although there was the usual last minute fudging of the plot to allow the Doctor to win. Nice touch making us think that David Morrisey was going to be the new Doctor but once again David Tennent ruled the day with a class performance. Rating: 7/10.

After more scoffing and quaffing and a quick session of Wii Tennis, out came 30 seconds. What is 30 seconds? I hear you say... well 30 seconds is a board game that comes from South Africa. Basically you have to describe 4 words or phrases on a card and if you are successful you move around the board. Okay not a great description of rules - but there you go. MO and JO won (although they continually bickered and I'm sure there were some dodgy dice throws). Anyway that was it more or less - Christmas Day 2008 was over!

Christmas Day (Part 1)

Christmas Day and N, my mum and I had lunch at The Noke Hotel in St. Albans. I had never been in The Noke before although I must have been passed it at least 58,000 times. The meal was pretty good (although as you might expect very expensive for what it was but that was undoubtly because it was Christmas Day)... not as much turkey though as The Cowper Arms where we had eaten last year. After finishing off with Christmas pud and a cup of coffee we headed back home to wait for our guests to arrive...

To be continued...

Hancock

We watched this below average Will Smith film last night on DVD. It starts off fairly promising with Smith as a layabout clumsy superhero who is a major PR disaster and after an inventive beginning descends into tripe. I wouldn't really recommend this film... and as for Charlize Theron - she is pure shite.

Rating: 4/10

The Sound of Music

Last weekend N, NS, TS, MO, JO, GO and I (that is me) saw the musical - The Sound of Music. We initially met up at Cafe Uno opposite Liberty's and just around the corner from The London Palladium where the performance would take place. N, NS, TS and I were munching through pizzas when the others arrived.

The performance was pretty good... not excellent but it helped that the songs are so famous and so iconic that it wasn't so notable. The weakest singer was the girl who played Maria - her voice seemed to lack power however this contrasted a lot with the woman who played the chief nun who powered out the couple of songs she was involved in. The set was impressive and I liked the way they depicted the mountainside on a tilting elliptical platform. The end reminded me of when I went to see - The Producers a few years back when swastikas and other Nazi decorations dropped down from the ceiling. I would recommend seeing it but I do think Wicked is better.

Rating: 7/10

My Musical League Table

1) Wicked
2) The Producers
3) The Sound of Music
4) The Lion King
5) Daddy Cool - Boney M
6) The Lord of The Rings
7) Billy Joel

Do they know it's Christmas?

I don't know about you but it really doesn't feel like Christmas to me... So far I have eaten 3 mince pies (2 of which were gluten free) and have received 5 Christmas cards and that is it. Don't get me wrong I do enjoy Christmas - well at least the time off from work but 2008 seems to be the most Un-Christmassy of Christmas'. Hopefully it will get better!

X Factor Final

Did anyone notice how Alexandra Burke, the winner of the X Factor 2008, "lost for words", with tears streaming down her face - quickly snatched the microphone from Dermot's hand to give her thank you speech. Also she grabbed the CD of her new single like grease lightning. You could tell that all she was seeing were pound signs!!! The trouble is I really can't see Alexandra doing that well because she is a carbon copy of Leona Lewis who won two years ago. I must admit that we voted 3 times for JLS - mainly because we didn't want Ms Burke or the pug ugly child troll creature from winning... and bloody 'ell did you see trollchild's dad??? Looked like he had kneecapped a few hapless victims didn't he?

Rant over.

11th Doctor?

Will Paterson Joseph be the the 11th Doctor? He seems to be the bookies favourite and he is pretty good in Survivors.

Lisa Snowdon

Regular readers of my blog will be aware of my intense dislike for the mediocre "celebrities" that exist on TV. I have ranted about dozens of these non-entities over the last two years to various degrees. One of the latest who has raised my hackles is Lisa Snowdon (or Snawdon which is apparently her real surname). If you have been watching the current series of Strictly Come Dancing you will see what I mean. Everytime it comes to the results show you can see the serious look of arrogance on her face "I must not lose, I must not lose" because she is quite clearly thinking "I must further my career, I must further my career". She typifies the individual who has reached the end of her initial profession (ie. modelling) and now is on a predefined plan to carve a new career as a TV / Radio presenter. Nauseating.

Rant over.

Black Rock Tennis

You would think that 2 1/2 hours would be ample time to drive from WGC to the Royal Albert Hall... well it ain't! Should have realised that because of the Christmas shopping along Oxford Street and the rest of the West End - it would take sodding ages to drive through Kilburn, Maida Vale etc along the Edgware Road. Anyway fortunately we got there in the nick of time and settled down to watch John McEnroe get beaten by Jeremy Bates. As I've said before I am not particularly a great tennis fan - however I can recommend this tournament as there is usually some banter between the players (especially John McEnroe who I'm sure was playing to the crowd when he became customarily bad tempered and started throwing his racquet on the ground). McEnroe gave a speech at the end and indicated he may not play again as he felt he had come to the end... so we might have seen an historic end to a great tennis career.

Washing up...

Our kitchen is small... and because of this we don't have room for a dishwasher. Consequently we have to do the washing up by hand at the sink. What winds me up something chronic is that every time I undertake this boring task I always, always, always miss an item of cutlery in the bottom of the bowl. There I'll be, relieved that I have reached the end of this thankless task, a last quick grope in the soapy washing up water yields no more items, tip the water out and crash a bloody spoon falls in the sink. Where the hell was it hiding? EVERY TIME it happens! Aaaargghh!

Rant over.

The Politics Show

I don't normally watch this programme although I do occasionally catch bits of it after watching the excellent Country File. Anyway, I digress... today's programme featured a story about retired British expats living in the South of France who had moved to their new country before reaching their 60th birthdays. What were they complaining about? The fact that they were not entitled to the Winter fuel allowance... Let me get this right... after taking early retirement they f*ck off to a place in the sun, stop paying any taxes in the UK and bloody well expect a handout to pay their bills in France. Tough luck w*nkers!

Rant over.

Council Tax Contradiction

On the news tonight, one of the headlines was that the Government was only going to give a very low increase in funding to local councils... the councils' response was that either they increase council tax or there will be cuts in funding for local services etc. as there will be a massive shortfall... but hang on a minute!... What was all that about recently when lots of these councils said they had 10's of millions invested in foreign banks... all this spare surplus cash sitting there making interest. Are we mugs or am I missing something?? Where is all this invested cash??? (okay maybe not the Icelandic dosh) Why can't they draw this out and spend it on services. I think someone is taking the p*ss out of us...

Rant over

Emma Watson (Hermione Grainger)

I haven't read any of the Harry Potter novels, however I have seen the first four films which I have enjoyed but wouldn't say they were exceptional or anything. Emma Watson's career has consisted of playing a character called Hermione Grainger in the five films that have been made so far. If memory serves me she doesn't exactly appear all the time throughout any of the films and is mainly there to play the irritating and stuck up class swot who is there as a bit of intermittant love interest for Harry. For this role she has amassed a fortune of £10 million. Obscene. Like the crappy Daniel Radcliffe I wouldn't say she was a great actor either.

Rant over.

N's Quote of The Day

"That man is irritating..." referring to Timmy Mallet on I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here!

Credit Crunch?

N and I are very fortunate that we live 5 minutes from our places of work... so leaving promptly and having a quick dinner meant that we could pop very quickly down to M&S in London Colney to take advantage of their 20% discount. I couldn't believe it though when we got there. It was jam packed to the rafters. Every f*cker in Hertfordshire had bloody well gone there. Considering it was early-ish made it even more galling. Why weren't these scumbags still at work or making their way back from work. UNBELIEVABLE!

Rant over.

Recession

Everybody talks about the country being in a recession now, however I thought it wasn't until January next year (after two consecutive quarters of negative growth) that the UK would officially be in recession. Why do people talk themselves into this? Scare the sh*t out of people and it self perpetuates the problem. Also I can't help think that some of these large companies such as BT and Citigroup are using this "recession" to mask their long standing plans in slashing their workforces. I think there is a ton of bullshit in all this.

Rant over.

Volvo advert

Yet another advert I have come to dislike on the telly is the one promoting the new Volvo XC60. What makes me want to throw up are the man and woman who stare in awe and wonderment at this car floating above them. How the f*ck can you marvel at a bloody Volvo for chrissakes? It is the looks on their faces... "Ooooh I have seen the face of enlightenment... and it is a soddin' 4x4. CRAP!!!!

Rant over.

Robert Kilroy-Silk

I have just checked this bloke out on Wikipedia to refresh my memory... he is actually quite insane!

Rant over.

Wii

We bought a Nintendo Wii today - as a Xmas present for ourselves. Bloody excellent!! The tennis game is very good and the boxing leaves you completely shattered after about 5 minutes. I did the fitness test session and ended up with a physical fitness age of a 53 year old - so clearly something is wrong with it!

Star Trek Poster

The New Enterprise!

Apparently 4 scenes amounting to 20 minutes of footage were shown of the new Star Trek film as well as the trailer at a special showing in the UK, hosted by J J Abrams and Simon Pegg. The reports back were that it is brilliant!

Watchmen and Star Trek... the two films to watch out for in 2009!!

More Watchmen pics...

Midsomer Murder Rate

Bloody 'ell whatever you do don't move to the fictional county of Midsomer... Murder capital of the UK. There are at least 3 slayings an episode. It's akin to Murder She Wrote - if you know Jessica Fletcher you're a gonna!

Emmerdale

Okay I admit I have been known to watch this soap on occasion and whilst it is fairly entertaining I am convinced it is not actually filmed in the UK. The reason I think that - is because of the weather... it is always bright and sunny... since when has it been bright and sunny? We seem to be under a constant deluge of rain. Another irksome feature is that the programme features three arrogant brothers who run a large successful business... except no one seems to work for them and they are permanently in the pub. Weird...

Rant over.

Extreme Makeover

There are some real dog rough women on this programme on Living TV... which I suppose is understandable considering it is about making extreme makeovers. What makes me laugh though are the results at the end - the women look 1,000,000 times better - however what the hell would you expect considering they have had about 30 plus experts in dentistry and cosmetic surgery plus top hair stylists and fashionistas pouring over them at a cost of £20 trillion quid - any ugly b*stard would look great. What does this programme prove? Yep if you have the money you can correct anything. Utterly pointless. To add insult to injury the subjects say how much this makeover would mean to them. Yeah of course anyone getting all this work done for free would be delighted. What I think would be better is if they show a programme where the experts cock it up and it all goes hideously wrong!

Rant over.

Terminal 5

I couldn't understand the news today about Heathrow's Terminal 5... some woman (politician?) was saying that the trouble earlier this year at the airport was a national humiliation and embarrassed the whole of the UK in front of the world!!! Errr... hmmmm... okay does this retard actually think that anyone gives the remotest toss about people waiting a long time at an airport terminal??? - the woman needs her head looked at? Picture this... Elmer from Retardville, South Carolina... "What a national disgrace for those Brits... you can't check yer luggage in at that thar airport of theirs" Yeah right. No one gives a flying f*ck about this story where ever they are... Lets have keep things in perspective... please.

Rant over.

Daniel Craig - The Best Bond

Quantum of Solace

I can't believe nearly two years have gone around since I reviewed Casino Royale on this blog... and here I am reviewing the next chapter in the James Bond saga.

Quantum of Solace again shows that Daniel Craig is by far the best Bond since Sean Connery. The bloke just exudes an ice cold aura of sudden and extreme violence. I don't think it is as good a film as Casino Royale, but it comes a pretty close second. The villain is a bit lightweight and of course by the end receives a justified beating. The sinister organisation which manipulates world events and is unknown to MI6 and the CIA is called Quantum however I was really hoping that SPECTRE would make an appearance again in this iconic series. Again (and I hate to say it) Judi Dench makes a believable "M"... damn! There are virtually no gadgets (apart from his Sony Ericsson phone) which makes it more realistic... however I didn't like the "Minority Report" style MI6 command centre. Good entertainment and above all... he is British!

Rating: 7.5 / 10

The Gym (Part 1) - Flatnose

Going to the gym is pretty tough... not so much the actual gym part but more the motivation in going there in the first place. This week was no exception. However something I find fascinating are the variety of weird people that go there. One of these regular weird people is a repugnant looking cycle-short wearing flat-nosed git... he literally looks like someone has belted him in the face and flattened his nose with a baseball bat. Anyway there I am using one of the weight machines - get to the end of the second repetition, stand up and there's this guy fiddling with the weights before I've even walked away from the machine. Unbelievable... I should have sat down again and carried on. W*nker.

Rant over.

Watchmen

I cannot wait for this!!!

Watchmen Trailer on YouTube

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=-GUmgQHvqqc

This looks absolutely, bloody BRILLIANT!!!

Live Rant - Strictly Come Dancing (Part 5)

M people woman and Philip from Rising Damp are in the boot off bit... M people woman goes first. Not good... bet her partner is cursing that his paycheque may well end soon. Now its Phil's turn... I'm sure that Lilia woman looks porkier than previous years. Didn't she dance with that Welsh tw*t Aled Jones?? All over... now for the judges. Craig (the arsehole) votes to keep: M People woman. Annoying woman votes to keep: M People woman as well! Italian pr*ck votes to keep: M People woman too... Philip is out! Poor Lilia no extra cash for Crimbo - and of course Old codger judge says he would have voted for Phil... Yeah right! Thank God that drivel is over.

Live rant is over.

Live Rant - Strictly Come Dancing (Part 4)

Who's this singing? Last years winner... bloody 'ell don't they drag this rubbish out. These dancers are desperate to get a bit of fame so they can appear on some "celebrity" reality programme. Both Forsyth and Daly reading their lines off of idiot boards. Jodie Kidd is ugly. M people woman has a mouth full of choppers. Good bit now - who gets booted out. Mediocre career thwarted for the loser... ha... ha... bloke with the sting vest is through and he was sh*t.

Live Rant - Strictly Come Dancing (Part 3)

Forsyth making more unfunny jokes. Honestly I could do better than this. Now for the professional dancers... including the fake Italian and the one who is probably shagging Cherie Lunghie... Claudia Winkelman - what the blue blazes does this woman do?? Appears on BBC3 and that's it... Italian prat judge - Bruno what-his-face, couldn't you just punch him in the face... deliberately over-the-top flamboyance because he is Italian...

Live Rant - Strictly Come Dancing (Part 2)

John Sargeant really does look like Jo Brand... UGLY!! Tess Daly as I've said before - talentless rubbish. Now silly old gits of the general public being interviewed. This programme realy is crap!

Live Rant - Strictly Come Dancing (Part 1)

Just watching Strictly Coming Dancing - Catherine Jenkins is singing - CLASS and she is a stunna. Darcey Bussel is dancing... very good but her nose is a funny shape!

Nice to see you... NOT!

Why doesn't someone put this old git out of his misery... he isn't funny... he has no talent (has never had any talent - contrary to popular belief)... just unadulterated, total shite! Get lost Brucie...

Rant over.

Star Trek XI

Just been looking at some pics from JJ Abrams forthcoming Star Trek film which is scheduled for release next year. Karl Urban looks surprisingly good as McCoy!!! Especially when you consider he was Eomer in LotR and I think he was in Doom (which I've never seen - but N has)

I watched Sunshine the other day on Sky Movies and actually thought it was quite good - even though it ripped off Event Horizon. Rating: 6.5/10.

Keeley Hawes

Yet another advert that irritates the hell out of me is the Keeley Hawes cosmetics one... why is it that an unseen voiceover type man questions her about what make up she is using? What the hell is all that about? - and her coy responses make the whole thing truly absurd!

Rant over.

Fringe

I've been watching Fringe on Sky One which is made by the same people responsible for the superb Lost. However whereas the later is totally original Fringe is shaping up to be rip off of The X Files. Except that The X Files had two great lead characters and Fringe doesn't. It's worth watching but I'm suffering from deja-vu when I watch it. I do like the way they put the captions up though in giant 3D lettering above the next scene... you would understand what I mean if you watch it.

Council Tax Money

Why is that local government demand an increase in the council tax to fund projects and services when they are investing millions into Icelandic (and other) banks... what the flying f*ck is that all about? "More money please we need it for running your useless rubbish collection service..." "Oh because we don't want to spend the £50,000,000 we have of your money stashed away in Reykjavik" "Oh shit... we've lost it all..." UNBELIEVABLE!!!

Rant over.

Floater...

Why is it that when you need to go for a dump at work - you find someone has already been there before you and left a giant floating turd that will refuse to be flushed away... disgusting!

Rant over.

Lily Cole...?

Lily Who? I hear you say... I first noticed this model in M&S as her image appears quite a lot all over the store (along with the permantly grinning and obnoxious Myleene whats-her-face). Christ - who the hell thought she was attractive??? What a cold looking dead eyed freak she looks.

Rant over.

Yet more about The X Factor...

Although I've ranted about the total lack of credibility Danni Minogue and Cheryl Cole have in judging this contest - I do get perverse enjoyment watching the misery the contestants go through when they are told they haven't made it. It does seem that to be in with a chance you must have some kind of sob story to get through.

Rant over.

Welwyn Garden City - The Visit (Part 7)

Wedgits are soft plastic shapes that plug together for young kids to play with... I discovered this last week when MO delivered a Corsa-load of the things to our house! Let me rewind a bit. M had been impressed when we popped into Hamleys a week or so earlier and she discovered Wedgits. So seeing a gap in the SA market (she runs a kids educational toy business along with my sister-in-law LAB) she purchased a truckload of the things (not from Hamleys I hasten to add but from the UK distributor).

After the delivery we had dinner at The Cowper Arms to celebrate M and G's last evening of their stay in the UK. Less than 24 hours later we were en route to Heathrow Airport and after transferring 50,000 litres of liquids and creams into transparent bags (N had forgotten to mention about this ridiculous security detail) we said our farewells...

Coming soon... Cape Town IV

Welwyn Garden City - The Visit (Part 6)

M and G took a trip to York from last Tuesday to Friday... and thoroughly enjoyed it (I think). On Saturday, SG came and visited us as he was over from Cape Town and we all had dinner outside in the back garden. I managed to gorge myself again through about 10 plate loads of food and umpteen beers... it was a great evening! Today M and G set off for Edinburgh by train and as I write this post they have texted N to say they have arrived and are in the taxi going to the hotel - the train was delayed, so I hope they manage to get some dinner!

To be continued...

X Factor - Cheryl Cole

Likewise with Cheryl Cole... what credibilty has she got for judging on The X Factor...? Let me see... she sings in a girl group created by the same lot as the contest she is judging. Oh yes and she is married to an ignorant, arrogant, philandering, obnoxious footballer... and she has two rings worth a total of £310,000... and that's it.

Rant over.

X Factor - Dannii Minogue

If I was a competitor on The X Factor I would seriously struggle to accept criticism from Dannii Minogue. What credentials has this woman got for judging a singing contest? Without looking things up on the Internet - name a hit of hers? Hum one of her songs? Bet you can't! Talentless Australian rubbish...

Rant over.

Gok Wan

What the hell does he think he looks like...? Gok Wan... more like Berk Wan...

Rant over.

Welwyn Garden City - The Visit (Part 5)

Today we had a braai... and an excellent braai it was too. Mainly because G took control of it and N got all the food ready. MO produced an excellent potato salad and NS made a waldorf salad. I of course shared the difficult job of eating it all... with gusto! Fortunately the weather has been excellent and it was fine all Sunday afternoon. What was even better was that T and NS did the washing up afterwards! Of course now I have the depressing thought of work tomorrow... yet another weekend has passed in the blinking of an eye.

To be continued...

Welwyn Garden City - The Visit (Part 4)

I believe there is something distinctly malevolent about the Disney Corporation. Mickey Mouse does nothing for me. The lifeless staring eyes positively sends a shudder down my spine. We paid a visit to one of their stores after we saw the Saturday matinee performance of The Lion King at the Lyceum Theatre in London. The musical is entertaining and a lot less complicated a story than The Lord of The Rings and Wicked which we had seen previously. The cast were all good however not as good as the two leads in Wicked. Afterwards we wandered around Covent Garden and then went and had dinner at Chiquito's Mexican restaurant in Leicester Square.

Welwyn Garden City - The Visit (Part 3)

M and G spent Friday sightseeing in London including a visit to Madame Tussauds. In the evening the four of us plus my mum all went to the new Stonegrill restaurant in St. Albans. The novelty with this place is that you cook your own food to your liking at your seat on a slab of volcanic stone that has been superheated to about 10,000,000 degrees! To protect yourself from the splattering fat coming from the meat you wear an apron. It was very good but a bit on the expensive side for what it was. You get a visit to salad bar included - however the salad items were a bit basic so you were less inclined to stack 'em high in your bowl. I recommend giving it a try but I reckon they will have gone bust in a few months.

On the way back, after dropping my mum off at home, we encountered a psycho driver coming in the opposite direction along Coopers Green Lane who overtook the car in front and narrowly missed us (I was forced to brake hard).

To be continued...

Welwyn Garden City - The Visit (Part 2)

Today, I realised how expensive it is to visit London attractions. We showed M and G where they must catch the Original London Sightseeing Bus Tour and then made our way to the South Bank to make a revolution on The London Eye. Not that N or I went on it... only M and G. Our next port of call was the The London Dungeon an attraction I had last visited about 30 years ago! It has evolved somewhat since my last visit and now features live actors who take you on a journey through the dark side of the capital. The Plague, The Great Fire of London and Jack The Ripper to name but a few of the stories featured. The finale involved a free fall drop which was supposed to represent the drop you feel when you are hanged from the gallows... nice!

To be continued...

Welwyn Garden City - The Visit (Part 1)

All went to plan today... although I must admit I hate putting on a king size duvet cover on my own. I managed to time to perfection our rendezvous at Heathrow and fortunately there were no hold ups on the way back. M and G were pretty knackered and had a lie down whilst I went to pick up N from work. Chicken and ribs for dinner and a half hour dose of EastEnders... at 9pm was one of N's new favourite programmes - UK Border Control. Hmmmmmmm...

On a separate note there was a brief trailer to Fringe which is written and produced by the creators of Lost. Gotta be good!

To be continued...

Welwyn Garden City - The Visit (Prologue)

N has issued me with my instructions:

• Strip the bed and put on new sheets
• Vinegar the kettle
• Vacuum the house
• Drive to Heathrow Airport and pick up Mother-in-law and G
• Drive back
• Make lunch and tea / coffee
• Pick up N from work

Can I remember all this... and execute it correctly?

To be continued...

Bring Back Star Wars

I watched most of this programme last night and quite enjoyed it... of course Harrison Ford and Mark Hamill refused to talk (in fact Hamill's agent demanded £50,000 for him to co-operate) and Ford was a total non-compliance. Kenny Baker and Anthony Daniels (R2D2 and C3PO) hate one another - actually I could see why Baker couldn't stand his co-star as Daniels came over as a complete prick. The best ex-Star Wars actor was Warwick Davis who played Wicket the Ewok in Return of The Jedi. In the end the reunion was attended by Davis, Baker, David Prowse (Darth Vader) and the bloke who played Boba Fett (whose name escapes me). Carrie Fisher, Peter Mayhew and Billy Dee Williams (Princess Leia, Chewbacca and Lando Calrissian) apologised for not being able to make it.

Good stuff.

Happy Birthday Little C

Have a fabulous 2nd birthday Little C - from your disagreeable and grouchy uncle!

Wax on wax off...

There is nothing more exhilarating than painting the garden fence... actually I'm lying... it is dead boring, however that is how I spent Saturday afternoon and Sunday morning - but I must say the sense of achievement afterwards was truly... exhilarating!

CelebAir

I don't know why I watched this programme... actually that is not strictly true - It was probably because N wanted to watch it (I have to blame someone after all!). However what perplexes me is why is it called CelebAir ? Because if they call the Z-rated shite that appeared on it "Celebs" then I'm a monkey's uncle. Of particular note was the excrutiating Chico... an individual that is so nauseating - he should be taken away and beaten to death.

Rant over.

Ulrika Jonnson

Not that I really give a toss... but I couldn't help notice that apparently the supremely talentless Ulrika Jonnson is the frontrunner to replace some non-entity on GM-TV. I know I keep banging on about the same things but how this mediocrity manages to keep hanging on is simply incredible.

Rant over.

DFS... again, again and again...

I utterly detest DFS sofa adverts... but the latest one irritates the hell out of me. Halfwits pretending to play the guitar to a track by the supremely banal and highly unoriginal Nickelback (I think). If I see that blonde bitch powerchording again I think I will scream!!!

Rant over.

Death to Bin Men

Again my ranting continues on the subject of bin men. The subhuman race that are so f*cking retarded it beggars belief. This time I came home from work to find tyre ruts in the grass verge by our driveway clearly made by a large vehicle cutting the corner (today was rubbish collection day). Of course if I complain to the local council I wouldn't put it past the bin scum to take revenge.

Rant over.

Death to Cats

Over the last few days I have noticed that some of my flowers have been have been stripped clean... then yesterday I caught the culprit. Much to my disgust whilst looking out the bathroom window I saw next doors moggy munching on my busy lizzies - only the white ones though. I shouted and shook my fist but this seemed to have little effect.

Rant over.

A Night to Remember...

This weekend saw the last of the 40th birthday celebrations for those who were in my year at school. T and LA had a joint party at the The Duke of Marlborough pub in St. Albans and a great time was had by all. A barbecue was provided and of course I went up a couple of times for a plate of food... not that I'm greedy or anything! What was funny was watching everyone getting plastered (especially N). After the party finished we drove back to T and Na's for a quick coffee... which swiftly turned into another drinking session and didn't finish until 4:15am. After a foggy journey back home I had to steer MO (who was staying over at ours) towards our front door (he nearly blundered into next doors front garden) and finally collapsed with exhaustion.

Mobile Phone Adverts

The arrogance of the mobile phone companies knows no bounds... especially Orange and Vodafone. How many adverts have they had where they claim your life is so richly enhanced because you have one of their phones. They are benign godlike entities that enrich your very existence. Life is all about phoning someone on a cellular telephone. B*LL*CKS!

Rant over.

Unimpressive

Ping Pong's coming home...

Jeezus... what a total mess Boris Johnson looked at the Olympic handover. Jacket undone, trousers at half mast - the last image I'm sure London wants to give. As for the bit with the bus, Beckham, Leona Lewis and that old crock from a dead 70's rock band - what an utterly load of SHITE!

Denbies Wine Estate

On the bank holiday, N and I had a day out at Denbies Wine Estate which is the largest wine producer in the UK and is situated near Dorking in Surrey. 300,000 vines tended by 12 workers sounds like pretty hard work to me... and all probably at the minimum wage no doubt. We took a tour and ended up tasting three of the their wines which were pretty good. If you're ever down that neck of the woods its worth checking out.

Ron Perlman

I checked out his Filmography... shedloads of stuff including a lot of voice work for animated series. His next couple of films are Outlander (aliens vs Vikings!!!) which maybe straight to DVD and The Mutant Chronicles... CLASS!

Hellboy 2: The Golden Army

Yet another visit to the cinema... this time to see Hellboy 2. Ron Perlman is the coollest actor in existence and captures the essence of Hellboy completely. The film however is completely barking mad and unfortunately the baddies are pretty limp. Best to see on DVD I reckon but it is a good bit of entertainment.

Rating: 7 / 10

Medals

Now the Olympics are coming to a close, I have beening wondering why Phelps is regarded as the greatest Olympian as he has won the most gold medals. It strikes me that a swimmer has an unfair advantage over other competitors in that they can enter several different race lengths and have the chance of winning a lot more medals. The same goes for cycling. Conversely a boxer for instance is only going to have a chance at winning one gold medal as he is working to a weight restriction. A pole vaulter likewise only has one event to win at. Therefore it is completely unfair to consider Michael Phelps the greatest Olympian... besides he is American.

Rant over.

Petrol Prices

Okay. So energy prices have increased quite a bit over the last few months - however what happened today was taking the p*ss! We were coming back from Cornwall and I had to pull in at a service station along the M5. Of course being a captive market on a motorway I had to pay a whopping £1.20 per litre. I filled the car. I went into the shop and paid. I went back to the car and we left. As we pulled out of the petrol station the outside price display board literally changed in front of me and was decreased to £1.18 per litre. If I had been 5 minutes later I would have paid 54p less. Thieving, greedy moneygrabbing b*stards...

Rant over.

Answer Phone Messages

What I find amazing are the amount of wrong number answer phone messages we get. "Hi you're through to M and N's voicemail please leave your message after the tone - beeeeep... "Hello I'm calling to make an appointment for an eye test" or "Good morning, I'm phoning on behalf of Paula as she cannot come in today" - Don't they sodding well listen to the message? Bloody retards.

Rant over.

Neighbours II

Today the bald headed shortwearing w*nker next door had his equally obnoxious vile family around for a barbecue. Before the rain started I tried to sneak a photo from the spare room window - which was a bit risky as I did run the risk of being caught. Fortunately I didn't, but then I didn't get a very good photo. If I had you would have seen the flabby jowel faced fat scum van driver son / son-in-law (not sure which) sitting there feeding the repulsive hole in the middle of its fat face with a hamburger. Seated next to him was his shaven headed brethren and his obese troll-like wife, who continuously visit and block the access to our driveway. Baldy wasn't within my line of sight however I could hear him speaking... which is usually the case as Baldy's voice permeates all walls no matter how thick. I despise these people so much it is difficult to explain. They are what I detest about British people. Oh and just to put the final nail in the coffin one of the offspring drives an '03 BMW 3-series convertible. Sums it up really.

Rant over.

The Antique Roadshow

My last posting got me thinking about another TV programme - The Antiques Roadshow can sometimes be quite interesting. I like the way the experts give their analysis of some old codgers heirloom, marvelling at the quality. The codger sits there saying "really... yes it is exquisite" secretly pleading for the expert to announce their valuation - and then the bit I love the expert says "As for what it is worth... I would say in the region of hmmm... 20p!!!" Yes yes yes... I love the look of disappointment on the codgers face when they discover their treasure is worth sod all. Ha ha. Tough luck codger!

Rant over.

Cash in The Attic

I really don't understand how people can auction off family items that have been treasured for years... "Yes this has been in our family for 80 years - my grandmother gave it to my mother who passed it onto me... now I'm gonna sell it so as I can go on a two week holiday to Disney World" eh??? I could never sell something that I've had for years. Perhaps I'm a horder - okay I know I'm definitely a horder but no way would I do that. To make matters worse the items these people usually sell go for about £2.50!

Rant over.

The Dark Knight

Well... what can I say! I saw the latest Batman outing yesterday at the Odeon Galeria. Absolutely brilliant!! Christian Bale, Heath Ledger and Aaron Eckhart were superb. The film is very violent especially the scene where Batman beats the crap out of The Joker at the police station... literally kicking him in the head whilst on the ground through sheer frustration. What is clever is that there is nothing Batman can do about The Joker - he simply doesn't care as he is a total anarchist. The film has no happy ending which is great and it is a terrible tragedy that we won't get to see Heath Ledger play The Joker ever again. A true classic and one of... if not the best comic based films I have ever seen. Fabulous!

Rating: 9/10

The Saga of Lemsip Toxik continues...

Cheeky Girl Gabriela Irimia has dumped her politician fiance Lembit Opik after a series of blazing rows. Gabby reportedly told a friend "I can't handle it anymore. This is not a proper relationship. I want some space" -- Star Magazine.

This is the third time this berk has featured on my blog. Utterly bizarre - what an absolute Grade A prat!!! Look at his face... how could anyone vote for him?

Rant over.

8 out of 10 people think this bloke is...

... a completely unfunny TW*T. Jimmy Carr is rubbish - 100% total talentless GARBAGE!

Rant over

Virgin Atlantic... John Hannah

An irksome advert on TV is the John Hannah / Virgin Atlantic one. Ah yes how I would enjoy the limousine service to the airport and the exclusivity of the Upper Class Lounge where I could relax and have a drink and then make my way through the fast-track private security channel onto the plane where I could lie down on my comfortable bed. Unfortunately I don't have £58,000,000,000,000 to lavish on a flight. The only people who make use of this service - apart from the super rich are people who work for companies that hand out perks by the shedload because their immediate bosses have to justify their own perks. Not that I'm bitter as working in the printing industry you become used to being treated like sh*t, dealing with the most ignorant customers imaginable and working for scum who have their hands in the company pocket. Now I'm rambling...

Rant over.

Fake Smiles...

Just watching Big Brother as I write this post... and Mario has been evicted. All smiles and everything - I bet he is gutted. No £100,000 for him. Ha ha. Good grief I cannot believe I am commenting on this programme.

Neighbours I - Independence Day

"In the United States, Independence Day, commonly known as the Fourth of July, is a federal holiday commemorating the adoption of the Declaration of Independence on July 4, 1776, declaring independence from the Kingdom of Great Britain. Independence Day is commonly associated with fireworks, parades, barbecues, carnivals, picnics, concerts, baseball games, political speeches and ceremonies, and various other public and private events celebrating the history, government, and traditions of the United States."

Then why the hell (as I write this in fact!) are our neighbours having a party in their back garden bedecked with the American flag and garbed in American fancy dress? What is all that about?? I know - lets celebrate the day Britain was booted out of Yankland. Why the blue blazes are British people celebrating a day that was a downer for their own country. I suspect they are so thick they don't even know the significance. RETARDS!

Rant over.

Deary me...

Wimbledon

MO, N and me-self went to Wimbledon yesterday to watch the tennis. N set the alarm for 5:30am, which was depressing but necessary as it took over 4 hours of queuing to get in. This was the third time I had been to the Championships and whilst I'm not exactly a tennis fan I would certainly agree that it makes a good day out. As it was busy (as you might expect) it took a while to get into some of the courts. We eventually made our way into Court No. 18 to watch two blokes slug it out over a net. Clement v Mezler (I think). All three of us did actually doze off during the second set and I managed to burn my hand in the sun. I felt sorry in a perverse sort of way for these two tennis players - as whoever was going to win would ultimately be smashed into oblivion in their next match... and so their futile careers in the sport will continue on a forever downward trend until some Serbian type with a name ending in "ic" will replace them.

I found myself watching the efficiency of the ball boys/girls as they rolled the balls to their colleagues at the end where whoever was about to serve and wondered what would happen if one of them decided to lob a tennis ball at one of the players heads or said "sod off... get your own bloody towel, yer lazy git!" N must of been bored too as she wondered how far she would get if she streaked naked across the court on live TV! Then snapping me out of my reverie I was struck by a tennis ball... and it stung quite a bit too! In fact during the course of the day I was struck twice. Clearly going to Wimbledon can have its dangers.

We took a look in the shop and by the Lord Harry!... the prices they were charging were taking the pee - to say the least. You can get the blazer that the linemen and women wear for £405!!! Look like a prat for £405. They must be joking...

Another thing I didn't quite understand were the countless number of London Fire Brigade staff present who were marshalling people in and out of the courts... why weren't they on duty fighting fires?... or is it another perk of their overpaid jobs that as well as lazing around all day and having 2nd or 3rd jobs they get free visits to Wimbledon.

We eventually left and had dinner at the Mexican/Indian fusion restaurant in Harrow... where MO felt he had been stitched up with both his courses.

Now totally exhausted we all went home.

Mandela at 90

Just watching a bit of the news on BBC1 just now and I couldn't help but feel irritated at the way they showed David Beckham and Susan Sarandon paying tribute to Nelson Mandela. Who the hell gives a sh*t on what they have to say. A bloody footballer and an actress. Does their opinion carry such weight? I suspect Mr Mandela must be rather bemused by all of this. Anyway for what my opinion is worth - Happy 90th.

Rant over.

No. 2 Amy Winehouse

Overated, arrogant and not musically to my taste. I cannot stand this woman... also like that git Doherty - she seems to get away with continuously breaking the law. Detest that song she did with Mark Ronson... "Valerrrrieeeee...." Crap, crap, crap!

Rant over.

Yet more about bin men...

I had a quick go at Grand Theft Auto IV on the X-Box 360 that TS bought a couple of weeks back... and then I saw my opportunity... I nicked a Refuse Wagon, beat the bin men to a pulp and took it for a joyride before trashing it. Strangely satisfying...

Humiliation!

N brought back a maths test for me to do the other day which was roughly equivalent to GCSE level... one and quarter hours to complete and no use of a calculator - dead easy. Bloody 'ell I only got 31 out of 40. Answer sheet was wrong of course...

Ghost in The Shell Stand Alone Complex 2nd Gig

If you have Sky, take a gander at channel 199 which is called Anime Central. There is a brilliant programme called Ghost in The Shell which is taken from the Japanese anime classic of the same name... simply brilliant!

Big Brother 2008

Strangely I've been watching the latest series - not avidly - but enough to know generally what is going on. The makers clearly know how to select people who are going to aggravate each other - which obviously is the whole point. It has been deja vu so far in that again there is a woman in it who simply kicks off at everything - in fact even watching her on the TV gives you a headache, imagine what it must be like if you were trapped in the house with her. One part of me believes I should rant about it but another part finds it fascinating...

No. 3 Sunglasses and Blue Tooth

Or to put it more accurately... drivers who wear sunglasses when it isn't sunny (which is most of the time in the UK). A feeble attempt to look "cool". Another thing which I can't abide are people who walk around wearing a blue tooth earpiece such as in a supermarket. Are they trying to look like secret service agents? No they look like gimps...

Rant over.

No. 4 Three-Quarter Length Trousers

Jeezus... how to look a prat - wear a pair of three-quarter length trousers! Coincidentally Bald Prick (see below) wears them all the time.

Rant over.

Neighbours

The old gits that live next door are away on holiday (actually I am presuming this - as they haven't been at home)... nothing strange there I hear you say. However the bald headed prick of a son-in-law and the troll-like daughter have been there every evening. I was out in the garden weeding (like you do) and I could hear them talking. Bald Prick was on his mobile chatting to some tedious mate "Alright geezer, I'll give ya a bell later... got me motor sorted the other day"... translated for my SA relatives and friends "Okay, I will telephone you later today... I had my car serviced recently". Of course there was an Arsenal towel hanging on the washing line unsurprisingly. What I don't understand is why every evening - for the whole evening they are there. What is that about?

Rant to be continued...

Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of The Crystal Skull

It is frightening how quickly time passes... Harrison Ford looks old and for me that is the biggest and unavoidable problem with the latest Indy flick. The action sequences are as good as they ever were but I don't think Harrison Ford is as charismatic as he was then. Shia LaBoeuf is good however a bit restricted with his part... Marion Ravenwood just looks old. In fact everyone in the film is old (except the afforementioned LaBoeuf and Cate Blanchett). Of course the climactic bit of the film is somewhat predictable and the implication is that Shia may take over with the part.
Not bad but not brilliant.

Rating: 7/10

Herne Bay... Hell on Earth

Where as Canterbury is an attractive city with a lot of character and history... Herne Bay is the biggest pile of stinking crap I have ever had the misfortune of visiting. The whole town should be nuked. I was banned by N from taking any photos of the locals... which is a shame as I could of displayed an impressive array of photos of the most repulsive looking, moronic, retards you could imagine. I particularly wanted to take a picture of some hulking great, disagreeable looking ape who was getting out of a Freelander... wearing camouflaged threequarter length trousers - bloody hell... what a GIT!

We decided to have dinner in this cesspit of a town and as we scouted for a suitable restaurant - the local scummy youth drove up and down the seafront in their "max powered" Citroen Saxos. Eventually we found a restaurant that looked okay. NS was lucky - she decided at the last minute to change her order away from the fish. Alas N, MO and I (that is me) didn't. Of course the fish turned out to be tasteless.

At last it was time to go home and we stopped en route at a service station on the M2 for a coffee. As we parked two women or more accurately two massive bloaters were leaving in the car in front... both feeding their porcine flabby faces with cakes... again I wanted to take a photo but N stopped me. Damn!

And that was it...

The Canterbury Tales

Last bank holiday... the one at the beginning of May - NS, TS, MO, N and I (that is me) took a trip down to Canterbury for a day out. In a fit of insanity we left home at 7am - however fortunately it paid off because we got there nice and early for breakfast at Cafe Rouge. MO gloated over the fact he correctly guessed the nationality of the waiter as being Irish - he then proceeded to tell us of course that he has Irish blood... but that is another story. We took a boat trip along a short stretch of the River Stour with commentary from a bloke called Vincent. Afterwards NS and N disappeared into couple of shops, MO considered buying a gigantic telly and TS bought a computer keyboard. I of course bought nothing... we walked around a bit, took a few photos, decided not to go in the cathedral (like York there is a hefty entrance fee) and then decided to go to the coast... Herne Bay... Jeezus what a sh*thole.

Complaints...

I have received complaints from LAB and MO for not enough going on the blog... so I will post The Canterbury Tales later tonight...

Come Dine With Me

This TV programme has been rudely brought to my attention - thanks to NS and TS. N has now become addicted to watching it as well... personally I can't understand the fuss! Banal reality TV. Rubbish...

Rant over.

Gits

Photo supplied by SN after reading the Rant.

Bin Men are SCUM

I have ranted before about these ignorant b*stards... anyway we were on our way to work and of course the bin wagon is parked down the road - quite why these w*nkers have to come round at peak time beggars belief and block the road (especially a cul-de-sac with a school). I'm moving the car slowly to go past when one of these pricks just steps from behind the wagon with a wheelie bin. I easily stop a safe distance from it and the ape-creature yells a load of abuse. Absolutely beggars belief.

I think I would actually be prepared to take my own rubbish to the dump if it meant these lowlife neanderthal retards were all put out of work. Bin Creatures go to hell!!!

Rant over.

The Eden Project

Today I planted 10 busy lizzies... impatiens or whatever they're called!

Review of Iron Man

A bit belated, I know. I watched Iron Man last Monday and was largely impressed - mainly because of the highly charismatic Robert Downey Junior. He fills the role of Tony Stark, billionaire, hellraising, womanising genius exceptionally well. The Iron Man suit reminds me somewhat of RoboCop and the combat scenes were reminiscent of Transformers so therefore it was a bit deja vu. One thing I don't like (and the new Incredible Hulk film seems to be the same - judging from the trailer) is that the hero fights a more powerful version of himself. Think RoboCop II in fact. Having said all that it is a very entertaining film that I would recommend.

Rating: 7/10
(Robert Downey Junior: 10/10)

Wicked

N and I saw Wicked on Saturday and were very impressed. The two leading ladies were excellent and the songs were performed well. All in all it is a much superior musical to The Lord of The Rings and I would absolutely recommend anyone to go and see it. The ending totally turns The Wizard of Oz on its head...

Rating: 8.5 / 10

IRON MAN!!!

This film is going to rock!... Watch out for my review after I have seen it this Sunday.

Gardening

Since we had the garden completely overhauled at the end of last year, I have only now begun the process of selecting what plants to get. Yesterday I paid a visit to a Garden Centre!!!... and came away with a couple of shrubs (the name escapes me - but they are yellowish) and some pots... as things develop I will upload photos for all to see! (bet you are all excited at that prospect).

The Return of Lemsip Toxik!

Eons ago I posted a report on Lemsip Toxik splitting up with Sian Lloyd to go out with a Cheeky Girl... now an update...

"Liberal Democrat MP Lembit Opik has shared some happy news exclusively with HELLO!. The politician announces his engagement to Romanian Cheeky Girl singer Gabriela Irimia in the latest issue.Speaking exclusively to the magazine, 25-year-old Gabriella remembers the moment she agreed to be 43-year-old Lembit's wife. "When I said 'yes' he started to cry," she says. "Tears of joy poured out of his eyes."" -- from Hello Magazine's website.

UNBELIEVABLE!!!... this berk is utterly UNBELIEVABLE!!!

The Hammond's go to York (Part 5)

Sunday breakfast and whilst chomping through another super full English we sat there listening to the hotel manager (I think he was the manager) chatting to some American woman who turned out to be a writer of some sort. He went on and on and on about places he had been and where had lived etc. clearly trying to impress this woman. It became rather irritating after a while and the urge to ask him to shut the f*ck up became rather tempting.

At last we left for home... although we did go via an "Outlet store shopping centre" at N's insistance. I resisted the compulsion to buy anything as much as possible... Yeah I know what compulsion I hear you say?

Taggart

The bloke that played Taggart and the character himself must have died about 20 years ago... why do they keep calling this programme Taggart? Utterly bizarre...

Rant over.

Prezza

What a load of crap... bulimia - my backside. More like fat greedy bastard!!!

Rant over.

The Hammond's go to York (Part 4)

After the National Railway Museum we went to the Jorvik Centre and then for tea and scones at Betty's Cafe & Teashop... Now I know, I know, I know... you are sitting there wondering when I am going to make my next rant. So take a look these two what an absolute pair of repulsive prats. What the hell do they look like... (risky taking photos like this).

Rant over.

The Hammond's go to York (Part 3)

One thing I enjoy when you go away for a weekend break is a full English breakfast... and bloody 'ell the breakfasts at The Mount Royale are huge! Sunday and we headed off for the National Railway Museum, which unlike York Minster is free. We had a good look around for about 3 hours or so and I told N about Mallard and the Japanese Bullet Train as well as The Flying Scotsman.

The Hammond's go to York (Part 2)

As I have frequently mentioned in the past - eating is a favourite pastime of ours. This weekend break was no exception and it was on the Saturday evening we found ourselves in an excellent French restaurant. Of course I had snails for starters and a main course of venison. Tres bon!

York Minster (moneygrabbing b*st*rds)

The Hammond's go to York (Part 1)

I've been a bit slack lately in writing new posts for my blog... so I've decided to remedy the situation. This last weekend we went for a break in York, a city that N had never visited and which I had last been to quite a few years ago. We drove there on Saturday morning arriving at about 1pm and checked in at the Mount Royale Hotel. We dropped off our luggage and headed off for a wander around the city centre. We explored the famous sites - although I flatly refused to pay £5.50 each to go in York Minster. This has to be the only cathedral on the planet that demands an extorniate admission fee. In fact everywhere you looked in the place they were after your cash... another £5 for a brochure for instance! Or an extra £4 to explore the crypt. Nice little earner York Minster. After that we looked in the shops and strolled back to the hotel to get ready for dinner!

Irina Mikitenko

I watched bits of the London Marathon on Sunday and couldn’t help but notice how physically repulsive the top women runners are… I mean look at the winner. Soddin’ hell she’s been hit by an ugly stick! Also I discovered she’s 35!!! Bloody ‘ell she looks like she’s in her fifties! And they wonder why there are hardily any top British long distance runners… I mean who wants to look like that?

Rant over.

P Diddy... Puff Daddy... Tw*t Pratty more like

What a Grade-A prat. Who in their right mind calls themselves P Diddy, Diddy or Puff Daddy??? Mind you this moron is worth $350 million. I truly despair...

Rant over.

E!

Unfortunately N likes watching E! News... this truly abhorant programme (and channel) is devoted to the mindless and terminally boring trivia concerning the vain "celebrity" tossers that populate Hollywood. I implore all of you out there to NOT watch it...

Rant over.

PS. Ryan Seacrest is a w*nker - plus who has a soddin' name like Ryan Seacrest???

Rant over again.

Unpretty Vacant...

Look at the eyes... nothing behind them is there? I've seen smarter chimps...

Ricky and Bianca

Jeezus... wept... these two retards return to EastEnders. Zero acting ability and zero brain activity. Look at him... nothing behind the eyes! Not even a spark... Zilch! And look at her. What an ugly b*tch...

Rant over.

Vic Reeves

Completely unfunny... doesn't even make me want to smile.

Rant over.

Dismal England...

Fortunately I didn't see any of the France v England game last night... looks like I didn't miss anything judging by the reports. It makes you wonder is it simply because the players cannot be bothered. Has international football had its day? If a man as qualified and experienced as Capello cannot sort out the mess then one can only conclude that it must be player motivation... and the only thing that motivates the majority of players is MONEY!

Porkers...

A habit I have picked up whilst queing in traffic and looking in the rear view mirror is marvelling out how repulsive looking some people are. Today, after having dropped off N at work I noticed two huge bloaters crammed into a Fiat Panda. My god! The disagreeable look on the woman’s face! Mind you probably too difficult to get an accurate impression of expression as there was so much fat for her to peer through…

Rant over.

More on Simon Cowell

I had the misfortune over the weekend of watching a programme about Simon Cowell's life story. The bit that astounded me was how he is considered a genius at coming up with ideas for TV programmes. They explained the history of Pop Idol (created by Simon Fuller) and how Cowell was employed as one of the judges. Then his move to the US for American Idol (also created by Simon Fuller). Then with a masterstroke of ingenuity Cowell nicked the idea and came up with The X-Factor and consequently had to appease Fuller with an out of court settlement. Where is there genius at copying someone else's idea? I know I'll come up with a quiz show where you answer 15 questions and if you get them all correct you win a million! Or... maybe I'll write a soap opera about a neighbourhood of people who live along a street somewhere in Salford. UNBLOODY BELIEVABLE!

Interestingly all his other attempts at coming up with another successful TV programme have failed. Cupid was one that they mentioned.

Rant over.

No. 5 Fearne Cotton

If you ever have the misfortune to listen to this irritating woman you will have noticed how she always says she loves whatever or whoever she is talking about. Like Petits Filous - fake, fake, fake. Yet another mediocre "celebrity"...

Rant over.

Petits Filous Adverts

Fake French yoghurt sh*t! What I utterly detest is the stupid exaggerated French accent... crap... crap... CRAP!

Rant over.

No. 6 Simon Cowell

SORRY!!!!... I don't have an issue with this arsehole's judging ability... what I find fascinating is watching his whole body language and his unbelievable arrogance. If you ever watch American Idol or X-Factor you will see what I mean. Being a producer of both programmes he clearly likes to be the last judge to be quized... and of course revels in the fact that his opinion counts for more than the others. You will also notice that he likes reclining back in his seat with his arm draped across his neighbouring judge's seat back (Paula Abdul) showing that he is the dominant force. Anyway enough of the analysing... the guy is a complete tw*t!

Rant over.

No. 7 Anne Robinson

Apparently this woman is worth £60 million... utterly incredible. The bulk of it coming from an astonishingly shit quiz show - which is unbelievably unfair. Let me see... hmmmm... I know the answers so I get knocked out. You are the weakest link... F*ck off!

Rant over.