Doctor Who "Voyage of The Damned"

My favourite character in the 2008 Christmas special was the little alien who had the spikey head - considerably better than Kylie Minogue. A pretty sound story with some good moments. David Tennent really makes this programme work and simply owns the role as The Doctor. I liked the daft bits with The Queen running out of Buck House and calling "Thank you Doctor" as he stopped the "Titanic" from crashing into the Palace... plus of course the bit where he says "There is no Great France or Great Germany... only Great Britain". Class.

Rating: 8/10

I noticed that Spike out of Buffy the Vampire Slayer is in the 2nd series of Torchwood. Russell T Davies' admiration of Joss Whedon continues...

"Are you smarter than a ten year old?"

Never before have I watched such a rancid pile of crap... not only does this travesty of a TV programme feature the utterly talentless and vile Noel Edmonds, it also co-stars the most obnoxious brats imaginable. Honestly the kids on this drivel make you want to puke! Their arrogance is actually quite mindboggling. The idea is that ultimately the dumb sap adult contestent fails to beat the kid in answering questions. One of the questions asked was "What is 5 + 3 x 0 ?" The "smart" 10 year old answered "0" in a smug way and was congratulated for being "correct" to much applause. But hang on a second!... isn't it true that the convention is to do multiplication first unless there are brackets? Indeed yes! So the answer should have been 5!!! So not only is it a bilge programme they can't even have the correct answers.

Rant over. Merry Christmas. Bah humbug...

Thoughts on Christmas

I'm still in two minds about Christmas. Of course I look forward to a respite from the utter relentless tedium of work - however another part of me finds it a very melancholic time of year. Grey skies and dreary weather don't help. The ridiculous mad scramble to buy presents is a downer but the highlight of Christmas dinner and of course the Christmas edition of Doctor Who more than make up for it. Of course my first two weeks of 2008 will be spent in glorious Summer in South Africa... so ha ha to the lot of ya!

Fabio Capello

When you think about it, if this bloke can't make England succeed then nothing will. The FA in a kind of strange way have set themselves up. It will be intriguing to see what happens. I think it is going to prove without a doubt that the system is broken in English football.

No. 10 - Argos

The Hate List 2007 kicks off...

Argos or more accurately employees of Argos. A quick aside for my South African readers - Argos is a chain of shops where you order things via a catalogue in the store and they bring it to you from the warehouse whilst you wait... usually about 5 minutes. Now I have no problem with the amount of things you can buy or their prices... it is the staff. I think out of all shops in the UK, Argos must employ the most ignorant, slow-witted retards known to man. They are truly the most unhelpful shop assistants I have ever encountered (go to John Lewis for the other end of the spectrum). They are basically no better than untrained chimps! Actually I'm sure there is scope for a business that trains up chimps to do some of these jobs... postmen, tube train drivers for example...

Rant over.

The Golden Compass

I read Philip Pullman's Dark Materials Trilogy a few years ago and although I enjoyed it I still preferred "The Lord of The Rings". Yesterday I saw The Golden Compass (Northern Lights is the title of the book) and was quite impressed. The imagery of Lyra's alternative Earth is very much how I visualised it when reading the novel and it seems to follow the story very well. Nicole Kidman is brilliant as the scheming Mrs Coulter and likewise Daniel Craig as Lord Asriel, however the latter is not in it very much. The armoured bears are excellent and in fact everyone does really well... but there just seems to be something missing. There is no passion to it which makes it a shade disappointing. In LoTR you felt for the characters whereas in GC you don't particular (well I didn't). The daemons work very well however and the attention to detail in what they are doing as the human actors are interacting is done exceptionally well. I would certainly recommend the film but don't expect another LoTR.

Rating: 7.5 / 10.

Hate List 2007

The all new Hate List is about to begin...

A year of ranting...

Today is the 1st birthday of The Hammond Rants ... long may it continue

Biggins

I read the other day that the winners of "Celebrity Get Me Out etc" always earn at least £1 million during the following year. So all this bullshit when the losers come out saying they are glad they have been voted off doesn't wash with me. They are much more likely thinking "Sod it, I've lost a million quid to a talentless fat poof"

Rant over

Amazon

I caught a repeat of "Dragon's Den" the other day on "Dave" (a digital satelite channel) and someone had come up with some smart software that gave suggestions for books you might be interested in. The idea was trashed because of Amazon's stranglehold on buying books. It reminded me of an article I read some years ago about Amazon. Bezos or whatever his name is that runs Amazon is/was considered a business guru... so how come when Amazon started up during the dotcom boom it lost millions of dollars... like 100s of millions and did so for years. I presume investors poored a fortune into it to keep it going. It made me think... Why? How can you be considered a business genius when the company you run loses a fortune? I find it very strange... and then I thought a bit more and you know what it seems to boil down to one thing. Branding and the consumer's impression of the business. The company can be total shite but as long as you have your image spot on the chances of success are multiplied. More on this later...

The Herd Mentality

You have to take your hat off to the likes of Nintendo and others. Create incredible demand for an item and then make availability limited so it makes people become absolutely desperate to have it. We must be complete and utter mugs to fall for it. "I must have it, I must have it"... pathetic. Buy it on your terms at the price you want or don't buy it at all!

Rant over.

The Mouse Trap

N, Mum and I went to see The Mouse Trap at the St Martin's Theatre in London last Saturday. I had never seen it before and it is very much the archetypal Agatha Christie murder mystery. The theatre itself is tiny but that very much creates an intimate atmosphere. I won't spoil the plot as I have sworn an oath not to reveal the outcome (you have to before you leave the theatre). We saw performance No. 22,921.

Rating: 7 /10

The Garden - Days 10 & 11

The Garden - Day 9

The Circle is now complete...

The Garden - Day 8

Running late for work...

The Garden - Day 7

Of course it has to rain... however it brightened up later and work continued...

The Garden - Day 6

The Garden - Day 5

The shed is moved to the back of the garden... and a view of next doors much inferior garden through the missing fence!

The Garden - Day 4

The circle can be seen for the first time...

The Garden - Day 3

The paving begins... note that the slabs are laid at 45 degrees to give the impression of a greater space.

The Garden - Day 2

Work begins. The old patio and fence are removed and we can now walk freely into next door!

And so it begins...

The Garden - Day 1

The Garden - Prologue

Watch this blog for photos of our garden as it is completely reconstructed over the next couple of weeks...

GHD "Where the bloody 'ell is he?"

One thing that truly winds me up (and there are many - I know!) are people who are compulsive liars. Individuals who relate amazing stories of things they have supposedly done or are doing. When the claims are particularly outrageous it creates a David Brent type situation... one of acute embarrassment. LA e-mailed a link to a film clip which featured such an individual who several us knew from school (a bizarre clip I hasten to add). I haven't seen GHD for about 21 years but seeing that clip was like a blast from the past. To be quite honest I think he is a sad and deluded person and I pity him... Actually I don't... he is a complete LOON!

10p per minute

Imagine my disgust... I wanted to put some air in my tyres the other day. Get to the machine and what do I find? What was previously free is now 10p per minute for air. A*rseholes!

Rant over.

To Do Lists

Scanning through other blogs, I came to the following conclusion:

Hand write a list of things to do with your life. Write about the reasons why. Write about your innermost thoughts. In fact write loads of stuff and make it interesting. Then send it to some woman in the US who publishes it on her blog and website. Then she collects these stories together and gets a book published. Nice little earner isn't it? She even has links to Amazon so as you can order it. This is utterly taking the p*ss! Let everyone else do the work and I'll make a stack of cash out of it. Bloody 'ell makes me think I should see if I can get the dross I write about published. At least it comes out of my head and not poached from other people.

Rant over.

Oh god... Celebrity Get Me Out of Here is back!

Jeezus... need I say more. This pile of shite is back.

You Only Live Twice

I just watched the last portion of You Only Live Twice ... The bit where Bond (Sean Connery) is disguised as a Japanese fisherman - UNBELIEVABLE! - he looks about as Japanese as my left foot! Sean Connery is Sean Connery in every single film he has been in, he can't actually play a different character. This arrogant git also believes in Scotland separating from the UK which is bloody rich coming from him as he doesn't even live there. Nasty piece of work.

Rant over.

iPhone

I've just been reading an indepth review of the new iPhone... what a rip off! £260 on O2 and you have to sign an 18th month contract. Basically they have made a good interface and that's it. The review listed a whole load of things that were missing from it... stupid things that could have easily been there. Style over substance and no doubt they will sell shedloads of them!

Nantwich Cheese Awards

N and I were in M&S in London Colney at the weekend and I couldn't help but notice a sign on their cheese display. It said they had won 416 awards for their cheeses at the Nantwich Cheese Festival. 416 awards!!!! What are these cheese award ceremonies like? Does Billy Crystal host the show and say "... and now for the best stinky cheese catagory with holes" How many categories are there for Chrissakes?? 416 soddin' awards they have won! Who came second and third? Weird...

Rant over.

30 Days of Night

If you enjoy watching three attempts at trying to chop someone's head off with an axe, then this is the film for you! I enjoyed 30 Days of Night... true - there seems to be a couple of bits where a scene appears to have been cut out (how did that character get there?) but it builds the suspense up well and the vampires are bloody 'orrible. Actually they reminded me of the Cenobites from the Hellraiser films. Time seems too compressed as well. The survivors are holding out for 3o days until the sun comes up again but it seems like 30 hours instead. I liked the vampire leader (who I'm sure I've seen in something else... will have to look him up on Wikipedia). All in all a good evenings entertainment.

Rating: 7/10.

Bright Minds

My blog probably isn't an appropriate place to advertise my sister-in-law's and mother-in-law's new business venture... however I just wanted to say good luck and I hope you make a mint and then expand to the UK and give N and I a cut of the profits!

Well done!

Rubbish

So local councils will be able to charge an additional levy on council tax if you throw away too much rubbish... how are they going to police this? Do the chimps they employ as bin men carry clipboards and make a record? What stops you from putting your bin bags with someone else's rubbish and pass the extra cost on to them? Isn't it likely people are just going to dump there rubbish elsewhere? An utterly pathetic idea, thought up by moneygrabbing lowlife scum who run local government. Everything that happens in this country is about making money above anything. It is not about the environment at all!

Rant over.

Rickeyyyyyyyyy!!!

Oh soddin' hell I see Bianca is coming back to EastEnders. Patsy Palmer another class actress NOT! I know, I know... I admit I watch EastEnders and to be honest I would love to write soap operas - I reckon I could do a pretty good job. All you have to do is come up with something outrageous, then just bend the characters' personalities to fit the daft plotlines.

What a Porker!

Michael Ball... bloody 'ell. You fat b*stard!

Lewis leaves...

I couldn't help smiling when Lewis Hamilton announced that he was going to leave the UK because he can't live a normal life with his family and friends because the press are forever following him around... That maybe the case - however don't patronise us Lewis, moving to Switzerland eh? Hmmmm... couldn't be for tax reasons could it Lewis?!

How to be rich and a retard...

Chantelle the millionaire?

Just read this on MSN "Entertainment" News

Celebrity Big Brother winner Chantelle Houghton has apparently earned close to £1 million since her appearance on the reality show.

The Essex blonde - who has recently split from her BB housemate Samuel Preston - will be the richest non-famous housemate since Jade Goody, reports The Sun.
Figures reportedly show the 24-year-old has earned more than £925,000 in a year - with TV appearances, a magazine column and an autobiography deal.

Prior to her appearance on the Channel 4 show, Chantelle did a bit of modelling and was working as a Paris Hilton lookalike.
She scooped £25,000 after winning the show and went on to sell the rights to her wedding with Preston to OK! magazine.

Now figures lodged with Companies House apparently show she has earned £925,615 in a year.
A financial expert told the paper: "She's done incredibly well to maximise earnings. I don't think any business analyst would have said she could make so much so quickly with so little business experience."

... I truly despair!

Rant over.

If you're an apprentice tosser...

... buy one of these. Guess what? A BMW 1 series coupe.

Misery...

Last week I sent an e-mail predicting that:

1) England would lose the football

2) England would lose the rugby

3) Lewis Hamilton would not win the F1 Championship

Unfortunately my horrible prediction came true... what a seriously depressing way to start the week!

England Rugby Failure

Oh well... turned over by the Spring Boks again. At least it wasn't 36-0, but I did have a semi-drunk wife enjoying the fact that England lost. The one thing I am so pleased about is that we didn't lose to France or Australia and of course the Welsh and Irish were wiped out early on... so some consulation!

Well done South Africa (mutter, mutter, grinding of teeth).

Look at the picture... absolutely nothing behind the eyes!

Retards.

I want one!

Subaru Impreza WRX STi... this car is fabulous!!! Gold wheels are sublime. Unfortunately it seems that some retard at Subaru UK wants the Impreza to be aimed at the family market so they have gone and completely screwed things up and ditched their cars that dominate the UK market ie. the testerone fuelled psycho cars that blokes want to buy!!

Bad losing French...

I was at the gym today when I caught a bit of Sky News. A female French journalist was being interviewed and she was saying how the best team didn't win the semi-final and how she hoped the best team would win in the final. The interviewer was incredulous and said well how come the score said otherwise. It just seems to sum up the French attitude which is similar to the Australians - they have an incredible hang up about being beaten by the English (or British depending on the particular sport). Whilst we (the English) acknowledge we were outclassed when we were hammered by South Africa - the French have to come out with pathetic comments like that when they are beaten. I think a lot of French, Australians and Irish have major chips on their shoulders when it comes to the UK. Get over it.

Rant over.

Total rubbish...

Westlife

How the hell does this group of bland Irish w*nk*ers manage to gain so much success. All they do is sing inferior cover versions. UNBELIEVABLE!

Rant over.

Dominic Littlewood

Couldn't you just hit this obnoxious bald headed stunted used car salesman with a baseball bat. Who the bloody hell is he? This talentless sh*t had to sell his used car business to pursue his TV career back in 2002. Unbelievable!!! Since then he has followed the usual route of C-rate "celebrities" and ended up on "Strictly Come Dancing", but is cynically going from strength to strength. He typifies my disgust at how talentless sh*t manage to carve a profitable career in the public limelight. Git.

Rant over.

Simon Pegg is... Scotty!!!

Just read on AICN that Simon Pegg will be playing Scotty in J J Abram's Star Trek XI. Sounds interesting! Remember Abram's is responsible for the brilliant "Lost" so it will be great to see his reboot re-imagining of Star Trek.

"A nation in mourning..."

What fantastic news that the Australian scum are out of the Rugby World Cup... this obnoxious nation of cheating sore losers must hate Mr Wilkinson and his team mates. Ha ha ha ha - I laugh in your arrogant faces!

And of course that other antipodean country that believes it should have comfortably won is also out. Tee hee. Oh dear, what a shame... for a country that lives and breathes rugby it must be pretty "Gauling" to be knocked out. Of course in some quarters they are blaming the English referee. Remember this Kiwis... rugby is only a secondary or tertiary sport in France (or England). Ha ha ha ha... Looooserrrsss!

Rant over.

Phil "The Greek"...

Meet The Natives

The inhabitants of Tanna, an island in the Pacific Ocean believe that Prince Philip (or Phil "The Greek") is the son of their god... hmmmm. I've been watching "Meet The Natives" for the last two weeks, which shows what happens when a small group of Tanna islanders come and stay in England. They spend a few days with a working class, middle class and upper class family and it is interesting to see what they think. They seem to be a very intelligent, kind and decent people... the only thing I can't abide is what I started this post with - namely how on Earth they can revere such a pig ignorant, xenophobic, raciest, pr*ck like Phil "The Greek".

Rant over.

AVP-R

AVP-R or Alien Vs Predator - Requiem... apparently the word is that this one will be a million times better than the first one! It is set in a mid-Western town with I presume humans caught in between. Excellent...

And here he is... MAD TRICYCLIST!!!!

Well done to my work colleague S for capturing this photo of Mad Tricyclist! Note that he has left his trailer at home...

Lloyds TSB

What's that advert about? Incredibly irritating music and Tim Burton-esque animation. Crap!

Rant over.

Note the expensive alloy wheels too!

Money well spent...

N and I were driving back from my mum's last Friday night after an excellent meal at The Spice Hut and as we passed through WGC town centre I noticed a couple of police cars patrolling the area... now my mind flashed back to how the local council breaksdown the council tax bills and shows the percentage increase that we have to contribute to policing. Why I hear you ask?... well the police cars were BMW 5 series estates or tourings as they call them. Why BMW 5 series eh? The basic models are around £34,000 each where as an equivalent Volvo V70 is about £26,000. So some tosser at Police HQ decides "I know we'll waste taxpayers money on overpriced BMW's" at least they indicate the sort of people who are attracted to working for the police... ie. W*nkers!

Rant over.

Belle de Rant

I see Billie Piper is in the TV adaptation of the Belle de Jour book/blog. I wonder if someone could make a TV adaptation of The Hammond Rants ?

Strange Denizens of WGC

I'm sure Welwyn Garden City is becoming more and more like Twin Peaks. For instance this morning I again saw Mad Cycling Woman making her way back along Digswell Road... where the hell does this woman go and why??? Dressed exactly the same each time I see her - she simply pedals back and forth getting in everyones way. Actually this leads me on to someone else... the utterly ridiculous and seriously insane Mad Tricyclist. I guarantee that if you travel the roads of WGC you will encounter this weirdo. With bonkers frizzy hair sticking out at all angles he rides precariously upon an ancient tricycle... with a trailer. This nutter perpetually has a queue of cars stuck behind him because he rides right down the middle of the road. I tried to get a photo of him this morning on my phone but failed and only managed to capture a portion of one of his wheels... however I intend to get a proper photo of this madman and put him on the blog.

Rant over.

CSI, Cold Case, Law & Order etc...

There are a myriad of these drama series around on TV these days. The same formulaic plot... someone murdered and a convoluted reason for the murderer to perpetrate the crime. Another thing I have noticed is the cast. Apart from the fact they are as uncharismatic as a duck's arse there is always a blonde woman working in tandem with an arrogant male investigator. In fact I'm convinced it is the same woman in each programme.

Rant over.

Deary, deary me...

Linda Lusardi

I must admit I quite often watch Emmerdale... never used to until recent years. Now the acting in this programme is of a low standard, however recently Linda Lusardi joined the cast and my god!... this woman must be one of worst actresses I have ever seen. She is appalling... my left foot could act significantly better. Dreadul. How did she get offered the job? Whoever auditioned her must be complete retard!

Rant over.

Who is this woman?

Nadine Baggott, Celebrity Beauty Editor

A beauty editor who is a celebrity? Or a beauty editor for celebrities? Sod off Baggott whoever the hell you are!

Rant over.

American Airlines

This lot must be utter morons. I know who shall we use to advertise us?... James Gandolfini aka Tony Soprano. Wow!... that's intelligent we'll use someone who plays a mafia boss to promote us. He even seems to be exactly the same as Tony Soprano in the ad. American Airlines - as used by the mafia. Retards!

Rant over.

3:10 to Yuma

You really can't beat going to the cinema when you want to watch a good film. A few weeks back I saw Transformers (which I forgot to review) and thought it was terrific... well at least the CGI effects were out of this world. Visually breathtaking, a stunning achievement. My rating for the film however for story, characters etc was 5/10. Effects 11/10!

Yesterday though I enjoyed an entirely different film. 3:10 to Yuma is a remake (what isn't these days) of a classic western (written by Elmore Leonard)... Russell Crowe and Christian Bale star and their acting is excellent. Crowe is brilliant as the ruthless leader of murderous gang of robbers and Bale matches him as the down trodden rancher who is determined to bring him in. Watch it and enjoy!

Rating: 8/10

HAPPY 1ST BIRTHDAY LITTLE C!!!!

Princess C (my niece) is 1 today! Have a Very Happy Birthday - I hope you received lots of presents!

Love from Uncle Mark xxx

PS. If you get to watch the rugby... make sure you support England and not the other team...

It's all the same...

Just had to post this... N and I sitting at home switching between channels watching England playing football and rugby - N says "I didn't know Ashley Cole played rugby as well!"... nearly fell off the sofa laughing... shame!

Tube Drivers - Scum of the Earth...

I can't find exactly what the pay scale is for a tube train driver but it seems apparent that it is well over £30,000 pa. What exactly do these arrogant tossers do? They hold down a handle and use a pedal and look down a tunnel... and that's it. They think they should have more, work less and have it all guaranteed - utterly UNBELIEVABLE!

It is about time that London Underground changes the trains to run automatically (as the Docklands Light Railway) and sack every last greedy, scumbag moron they employ that holds down a handle (can't even see why they are called drivers).

Rant over.

The World Athletics Championship 2007

N and I watched some of this over last weekend and I couldn't help thinking that the Great Britain Team will have its work cut out if it intends to do well in the medal stakes for the London 2012 Olympics - certainly in the track and field events. I checked out the medal table to see that we came tenth overall with 5 medals in total. For a country with a population in excess of 56 million people it (theoretically) really should be better. The Czech Republic, Germany and Australia all came higher. It was noticeable that we were missing from many of the events presumably because we have no one capable of qualifying. I can't ever recall having seen a British pole vaulter for instance!

I reckon the reasons for our poor showing are as follows... most young people have utterly no interest in it. Kids want fame and money and all the trappings that go with a sport such as football and you are never going to get it in track and field etc. It requires years of dedication and training to get to the top and very few kids can be arsed to do it. They want it now and they want it with little or no effort.

It's a shame. I'm sure the London Olympics will be extremely well presented, the stadia and facilities will be fantastic... but I really cannot see us being one of the leading countries.

The Gorilla / Cadburys Advert

What the hell is that about???!!!... Actually it doesn't matter because it is utterly brilliant. Why a gorilla? Why is he playing the drums? Why Phil Collins? Why not!

http://www.cadbury.co.uk/EN/CTB2003/

Rating 10/10

Today's News...

Wells-next-the-sea (Part 3)

I can recommend The Crown Hotel for it's food... however it's waitering staff are not quite up to the standard of it's restaurant. On Monday evening we had a superb dinner - one of the best I have ever eaten.

Tuesday morning we set off for home... how depressing!

Deary me!

This train terminates here...

1st Class

Wells-next-the-sea (Part 2)

A frustrating fact about trying to go on walks around Wells is that to get to any of the footpaths or bridleways you have to run the gauntlet of the country lanes. Psychotic motorcyclists and a*rsehole 3 series drivers (see the The Hate List) bombed along these particular lanes.

We went for a trip on the Wells to Walsingham Railway... the world's longest 10ish" narrow gauge railway no less - and very pleasant it was too.

To be continued...

The Strip... Walsingham

Where we stayed...

Wells-next-the-sea (Part 1)

15,000,000 people decided to spend the weekend in Wells, Norfolk, over the Summer bank holiday weekend. Unbelievable!... I know, I know... it is what we should have expected, especially considering the weather - but even so!

After eventually finding somewhere to park (no mean feat - I tell you) we made our way down to the harbour front. There we found thousands of people milling around and watching a rather boring display of the inshore lifeboat service, but what was really weird was that they were marshalling about 48 Newfoundland dogs on to an island opposite the quay. Bloody bizarre!

To be continued.

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....

I can't stand that bloody Strongbow advert where the unshaven tubby bloke starts drinking his pint and utters "Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"... Who bloody well drinks Strongbow anyway?

Rant over.

Star Trek New Voyages

If you follow the link below there is an interesting article about a group of fans who are making brand new episodes of the original Star Trek series (ie. Kirk, Spock etc). They have become so successful that they are having some of the original actors starring in them. The guy who started it meticulously built new sets exactly matching the 1960's sets. The latest episode features the return of George Takei as Mr Sulu!

http://www.aintitcool.com/node/33763

Sunset over Kuredu

Freeze!

Jacques Cousteau

The Maldives (Part 5)

We hired snorkelling gear a couple of times and had a go at exploring the undersea world of the Indian Ocean... well floundered around at least!

One of the included excursions was a sunset cruise. Unfortunately the sky was cloudy so we only really got a watery sun descending below the horizon. However we did see dolphins which came alongside the boat and performed their aquabatics.

Another excursion included a visit to one of the other islands where real Maldivans were living. We were given a guided tour of a Tuna fish canning factory and saw boxes of the stuff being packed for Morrisons.

At last it was time to come home... we had our luggage picked up at 10:30pm the previous night (it had to return by boat) and the next day climbed aboard the seaplane to take us back to Male. Our holiday to the Maldives was over.

One of the many Northern Slap Head Gits!

The Maldives (Part 4)

Relaxation... total 100% relaxation that was how we spent our week. There was only really one irritation that I can rant about... with the exception of a few Germans (all of whom sported ridiculously moronic tiny sproutings of hair under their lower lip) - every soddin' other visitor was a bloody Northerner... and they were all slap-heads!!! It was utterly unbelievable - "Eh up chuck, fancy a brew?" you know the sort. You couldn't avoid them. In the restaurant the two couples on neighbouring tables were - you guessed it! Northerners. Clearly the Maldives has become some kind of Mecca for them. On one occasion we were sitting in one of the bars and this great slob - gut wobbling over its shorts, sporting large unsightly tattoos, waddled passed us - accompanied by his equally tattooed Northern wife/girlfriend/slapper.

I actually thought I was hallucinating because there were so many slap heads. Everywhere you looked - bald headed Northern tossers! I wanted to take photos but N stopped me in case I ended up getting punched!

To be continued...

Beach Villa No. 229

The Bathroom

The Maldives (Part 3)

Our stay in beach villa No. 229 proved to be very comfortable. The bathroom was actually outside (there were walls and a ceiling over part of it!)

To be continued...

Arrival at the island of Kuredu

Two Twin Otters!

The Twin Otter

The Maldives (Part 2)

The DHC-6 Twin Otter is a 20-passenger STOL feederliner and utility aircraft developed by de Havilland Canada. It is often called the most successful aircraft program in Canada's history. The aircraft's fixed tricycle undercarriage, STOL abilities and relatively high rate of climb have made it a successful cargo, regional passenger airliner and MEDEVAC aircraft. In addition, the Twin Otter has been popular with commercial skydiving operations. It is generally limited to carrying 22 jumpers (a relatively large load compared to most other aircraft in the industry); presently, the Twin Otter is used in skydiving operations in Sweden, Finland, Norway, Spain, Australia, USA and other nations worldwide...

It is also used (in its seaplane variant) to transport holidaymakers to their island destination in The Maldives... and it was fun! Especially when you come into land because even as a passenger you can see out of the front and sea the Indian Ocean rushing up towards you (although N refused to look).

Once the plane was tied up to the jetty we climbed off and made our way to the main reception. To add an authentic Maldivan effect the sound of drums could be heard. We later discovered that the drums were played everytime a plane landed and a group of bewildered guests were deposited.

We were checked in and made our way to our beach villa.

To be continued...

Note the tan...