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Waving your hands under a tap... and nothing happens!

Okay... a pretty bizarre rant - but I've noticed whenever I want to wash my hands at a public toilets and the sink is fitted with a sensor tap - THE F*CKING THING NEVER WORKS! I stand there waving my hands under the tap trying to trigger the sensor. But NO it doesn't work. So I move onto the next sink and the same thing happens. Of course around me other people are successfully washing their hands. Bloody typical.

Rant over.

The Sunday Times... get your blood boiling!

"My Aston wasn't on the firm..."

Yet another article that caught my eye was about Iain Coucher who was the former head of Network Rail, the best paid executive of a publicly funded company, taking home £1.2 million last year including a £348,000 bonus and a £300,000 long term incentive payment. He was also accused of having a company funded Aston Martin sports car... but apparently that came out of his car allowance.

"£300,000 incentive payment"... what the f*ck is that about?

The heads in the trough are unending. The British taxpayer is a MUG!

Rant over.

HSBC boss departs with £23 million package

More from the business section... Michael Geoghegan, the chief executive of HSBC has been pushed out and could leave with a payout of £23 million. Apparently "he has been poorly treated". For f*ck's sake these people truly live on a different planet. We are nothing more than bacteria in their eyes.

Rant over.

Jaffa Cakes and Twiglets to become Chinese?

The business section of The Sunday Times really winds me up at times. United Biscuits are up for sale... they are Britain's biggest biscuit producer (Penguin, Hula Hoops, McVities, Jaffa Cakes, Twiglets etc.) and apparently they are in exclusive talks with a Chinese company. Why the f*ck is it every week companies like this based in the UK (although already foreign owned in this case) are being flogged off. You just know that in a few weeks time they will be announcing closure of their UK operations and 7,000 people for the chop (even though the company is profitable). Okay maybe I'm being pessimistic but it would be so easy for the new owners to do this. Why is there no continuity? Why is it all about making a quick buck?? And f*ck the employees.

Rant over.

Moyles Rants

So the obnoxious Chris Moyles decides to have a rant - live on Radio One because he hasn't been paid for the last two months. Under normal circumstances I would have sympathy for someone who hasn't been paid for work undertaken. But a fat git who is paid £630,000 pa attempting to be funny ain't one of them.

Rant over.

What's that coming over the hill... is it a MONSTER?

BLOODY 'ELL!!! Look at the state of Pete Burns.

10 brats from 10 different slags...

The Daily Mail website is always a good source for stories that you want to rant about. The latest one concerns the unemployed tw*t on the right who has apparently "fathered" or should I say "bred" 10 different kids from 10 different women - I use the word "women" in its loosest terms. By the time all the kids are 16 years old it will have cost the state £1.5 million. Normally I would say UNBELIEVABLE! But this time it doesn't surprise me at all.
Rant over.

Piers Morgan

So the bloke who has been sacked from every job he has ever had (his words by the way) is to replace Larry King on his show in the US. According to Morgan he is being payed millions to host the daily programme and that most of the population of the world watch it as it on CNN (apparently).

However the Sunday Times interview goes on to say that only about 500,000 people tuned in to watch his 76 year old predecessor. Funny - I thought there were a few more people in the world!

So let me get this right... a tw*t who interviewed Gordon Brown and Katie Price and was a judge on Britain and America's Got Talent and was sacked by publishing a load of lying b*ll*cks about Iraqis being abused when he was at The Daily Mirror is to be paid a fortune presenting a programme hardly anybody watches in the States. Great news. F*ck off Piers and never come back!

Rant over

Deary, deary, deary me...

I've said it before and I'll say it again... there is absolutely nothing going on behind the eyes is there? Nothing. Nada. Zilch. The synapses ain't sparking are they. No thought processes. No intelligence. Bereft of any personality. Deary, deary, deary me...

Rant over.

Westwood... PILLOCK!

What is this f*ckwit on? Have you heard him speak? Is he seriously for real?? I like this extract from Wikipedia...
Vocal style and upbringing
Critics have also derided Westwood's apparent emulation of
Black British pronunciation and dialect, which is claimed to be at odds with his middle class British origins.[9] In response to this Westwood stated "Honestly, baby, I get love out there, pure and simple".[10] His father, Bill Westwood was the Anglican Bishop of Peterborough until 1996 (and was himself a prolific broadcaster). He also briefly attended Norwich School, which is a prestigious private grammar school.
In interviews
Sacha Baron Cohen has stated that Westwood, including his supposed fake Caribbean accent, was an inspiration for his fictional Ali G
So what we are talking about is a 53 year old talentless tw*t from a white middle class background getting paid to do a radio show pretending to be a blackman from the "ghetto" - D*CKHE*D!
Rant over.

What is a non-executive director?

I've been perusing the appointments section in last weeks Sunday Times and I couldn't help but notice the number of "non-executive director" vacancies available. What exactly is a non-executive director? Sounds like someone who does f*ck all to me. For example...

Non-executive director for The Christie cancer centre which is an NHS Foundation Trust... so a job for the state, yes?

The bulk of the advert describes what the organisation is. Then a short paragraph says

"Working with our board, you can help to keep us moving forward. You'll need senior level experience gained in a complex organisation (sounds woolly to me) and the vision and commitment to share responsibility for the entire organisation, including our successful hospital charity, the second largest in the UK."

Now this is the bit that beggars belief. £12,850 pa. for 2.5 days a month!!!!!!

We are told that savage cuts are going to be made across the public sector and these f*cking retards are advertising for some w*nker to spend 2.5 days a month doing f*ck knows what for £12,850 pa. And you bet your life the pr*ck that gets this job will probably have several others of the same ilk.

On the same page is an advert for a similar job at the BBC.

I wonder if I should apply?

Rant over.

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World

Bloody weird... and 100% original. Loved the snippets of music from The Legend of Zelda. Loved the computer game fighting a la Streetfighter II. Scott Pilgrim fights his girlfriend's 7 evil exes. Simple plot. Wonderful execution. The acting is great especially from Michael Cera in the lead role. I have never seen a film like it. Thoroughly recommend you go and see it!
Rating: 8/10

Weekend in Yorkshire (Part 3)

Sunday morning and we decided to head off to Scarborough for the day. First of all we visited the Sea Life centre which is situated at North Bay. A queue had already begun to develop when we arrived and fortunately a woman standing in the line asked if anyone wanted a 2 for 1 voucher to get in. N quickly took her up on the offer - so it only cost us £14.50 as opposed to £29.00.

The Sea Life centre was actually quite interesting and we managed to time things just right to see their resident brain damaged leather backed turtle being fed.

After Sea Life we took the miniature railway to Peasholm (or some such name) and then an open top bus along the coast road and into the centre of Scarborough. I must say that I preferred Whitby to Scarborough as it was marginally less chavvy. N and I walked along the sea front and bought some chips for lunch. Our visit was scuppered a bit because the weather was crap. One minute it was sunny, the next it was overcast and p*ssing down with rain, then finally blowing a gale. We eventually relented and caught the bus and train back to the car.

Dinner that evening was at an excellent restaurant called the Malyan Spout which was at Goatlandherd. Totally recommend this establishment so if your ever up this way give it a try. The worst bit was driving back as it was pitch black and you were on the constant lookout for rogue killer were-sheep straying onto the road.

Unfortunately morning came too quickly and it was almost time to start our journey home... but we did have time to pay a visit to Robin Hood's bay which was a few miles north of the inn. A very nice lady gave us her parking ticket so we didn't have to pay and we headed off for a stroll down the very steep hill through the picturesque village and down to the sea. Of course there was the obligatory prats who had to drive down the very narrow road (which they weren't supposed to) and get stuck facing another prat coming the other way.

All too quickly it was time to return home... so we programmed in the sat nav and headed off.

End of another fabulous weekend!

Ben Collins is The Stig... WOW!

Ben Collins... (never heard of him) - is The Stig. Really who gives a shit? Also why would anyone be interested in the autobiography of someone no one has ever heard of? Plus why was BBC money wasted to fight a pointless case in the High Court?

Rant over.